SUPERSTITIOUS THINKING:
SUPERSTITIOUS THINKING LINK TO EACH SECTION (Karma, Positive, Secret, Quackery):
"In particular, superstitious thinking springs from misunderstandings
of probability and random processes, errors of logical reasoning, and
cognitive shortcuts that sacrifice accuracy." - pg. 115
DELUSIONS:
Several cognitive distortions are implicated in the formation and maintenance
of delusions, and include the following. In intentionalising
, other people's behaviours are believed to be based on intentions
(often malevolent) towards the individual.
Catastrophising is a style of speculating about potential problematic features
Of one’s life in terms of the worst possible outcome or thinking of a situation
as utterly unbearable when it is simply uncomfortable. In emotion-based reasoning
decisions are reached predominantly on the basis of their emotional rather than ational appeal. In
dichotomous thinking, also known as all-or-nothing thinking, situations are interpreted in
absolute extremes with no regard to more moderate options: “this will always be the case, on
every occasion, it will never change, there is no alternative, I am a total failure”.
DEINVIDUATION IS...at the core of a mob mentaility. It can also lead
to acts of brutal violence against out-group members, because a
"deinviduated" person is absorbed into an anonymous group identity
and no longer fears the consequences of toting around an insolvably
varnished reputation." Jesse Bering, The Belief Instinct, pg 189
http://www.academia.edu/6423343/Paranormal_belief_and_biases_in_reasoning_underlying_the_formation_of_delusions
Miss CORRECTIONS
***SUPERSTITIOUS THINKING BEGINS pg 75***
rob ro
**ADD FEMINISM***
"Does it matter that much that there is a large body
of factually challenged information at the heart of
contemporary feminism? Does is matter that feminist leaders
in the United States think and say a lot of intemperate
things? The answer is an emphatic yes. First of al,
American women who truly are at risk for violence or
invidious discrimination would be helped by truth and high
quality research. The plight of women is not improved by
sexual politics and exaggeration –- no matter how well-
intentioned. Misrepresentation almost always clouds the
true causes of suffering and provides obstacles to genuine
ways of preventing it. Truth is on the side of compassion."
"What’s Wrong and What’s Right with Contemporary Feminism?"
Lecture by Christina Hoff Sommers*
1.pg. 3
allows some to innovate and thrive, but it also means that others struggle mightily.
- change to -
allows some to innovate and thrive, but it also means that others stagnate
and struggle mightily.
2. pg.3
women will not handle these unprecedented changes well. One of the
un- happy effects is that it leaves alone to make difficult, profound
life choices and career decisions alone. Due to the weakening of the
social bonds and com- mon values until quite recently held families and
neighborhoods close, many are largely on their own when the make momentous
personal decisions.
- change to -
women will not cope well with these unprecedented changes. One of the
unhappy effects is that it leaves many of them on their own when they have
to make difficult, profound life choices and career decisions. With
the weakening of the social bonds and common values that until quite
recently held families and neighborhoods close, many are left largely alone
when determining momentous personal decisions.
3. pg. 3
And the numbers of women alone or with great individual responsibility
is rising. Women - including those who are unmarried - are now the leading
or solo breadwinners in 40 percent of U.S. households, compared to only
11 percent in 1960, according to data from the U.S. Census Bureau analyzed
by Pew.
- Change to -
And the numbers of women alone or with great individual responsibility
have expanded greatly. According to according to data from the U.S. Census Bureau analyzed
by Pew, women - including those who are unmarried - are now the leading
or solo breadwinners in 40 percent of U.S. households, compared to only
11 percent in 1960.
4. p 3-4
"All the while, they were told again and again to listen to their
Introduction
intuition and always think positively. As grown women, they were
further misinformed by Oprah and her ilk that Karma would ensure
that any wrongs done to them would be righted - in this life or the next.
- change to -
Again and again, they were told to "believe in themselves"
and expect the best results by thinking positively. As grown women,
they were further misinformed by Oprah and her ilk that Karma would ensure
that any wrongs done to them would be righted - in this life or the next.
The unhappy results of all of this misconceived guidance and advice are
predictable: some women pay a heavy price for being given such misleading
information. For some, the price is shown by their mistakes within their
personal relationships that, fortunately, they were able to learn and
recover from. For the others who were more seriously misled, unfortunately,
the price continues to be paid.
- change to -
The unhappy results of all of this misconceived guidance and advice vary.
For some, the price is shown by their mistakes within their
personal relationships that, fortunately, they were able to learn from and
recover. Unfortunately for those who were more seriously misled, however,
the price continues to be paid.
5.
MissLed is the term I’ve coined in order to identify and explain the plight
of those women who’ve paid the price for being on the receiving end of
mis- leading media messages, misguided parenting and education and
miscon- ceived ideas about men, women and relationships.
- change to -
MissLed is the term I’ve coined that serves to both identify and explain
the plight of those women who’ve paid a significant price for being on the
receiving end of misleading media messages, misguided parenting and
education, and misconceived ideas about men, women and relationships.
6.
only to some women, from 35 to 55 years old as of 2013. Of course, it
is im- possible to quantify a percentage of women who have adopted faulty
thinking or misguided beliefs, but I’d conservatively estimate that 30
percent of women in the aforementioned age group struggle with many of
the thinking and behavioral habits described within MissLed. MissLed is
an exploration of the impact of the forces and factors that mis- lead
women - the cultural forces that misinformed them, or misguided them
in the wrong direction regarding some of the most critical parts of
life - rela- tionships, decision making and communication. The results
of such mislead- ing can be understood in the following, simple formula:
MissThinking -> Misbelieving -> Misbehaving -> MissLed
- change to -
only to some women, from 35 to 55 years old as of 2015. Of course, it
is impossible to quantify the percentage of women who have adopted
faulty thinking or misguided beliefs, but my conservative estimate
is that approximately 30 percent of women in the aforementioned age group
struggle with many of the thinking and behavioral habits described within
MissLed. MissLed is an exploration of the impact of the forces and
factors that mis- lead women - the cultural forces that misinformed
them, or misguided them in the wrong direction regarding some of the
most critical parts of life - relationships, decision making and
communication. The results of such mislead- ing can be understood in
the following, simple formula:
MissThinking --> Misbelieving --> Misbehaving --> MissLed
7. pg 4.
The first result is what I term MissThinking — wherein some women are
misled when the perceive that faulty thinking such as shoulding and
blam- ing, or emotional pollution such as sarcasm, anger, pettiness,
or entitlement, is warranted, justified, or even commendable. Similarly,
they are misled into perceiving that victim thinking, intuitive thinking,
egocentric thinking, wish- ful thinking, group thinking, adolescent
thinking, or Politically Correct (PC) thinking are harmless, or even
beneficial. Not surprisingly, then, Misbelieving and Misbehaving tend
to flow from the ill - start of MissThinking. Before I cover the
background of how I came to these conclusions, I’d like to address
objections that I’ve already faced and that I anticipate will continue
after the book is released:
- change to -
The first result is what I term MissThinking — wherein some women are misled
when the perceive that faulty thinking such as shoulding and blaming, or
emotional pollution such as sarcasm, anger, pettiness, or entitlement, is
warranted, justified, or even commendable. Similarly, they are misled into
perceiving that victim thinking, intuitive thinking, egocentric thinking,
wishful thinking, group thinking, adolescent thinking, or Politically
Correct (PC) thinking are normal, harmless, or even beneficial. Not surprisingly,
then, Misbelieving and Misbehaving tend to flow from the ill - start of
MissThinking. Before I cover the background of how I came to these
conclusions, I’d like to address common objections that have already been
raised, and that I anticipate will continue after the book is released:
8.
“Why are you so mean to women?” Of course, I do not see MissLed as mean
to women - quite the opposite, in fact. The aim of this book is to
explain, not to blame. It is firm but fair - tough love for tough times.
Not surprisingly, some women have let me know that they take my book
project personally, as they have misperceived MissLed as a book that
“bashes” women. Based on feedback I’ve already received from in-person
and online discus- sions, I fully expect to be misperceived as “offensive”
and name-called
- change to -
“Why do you hate women?” Of course, in my view, my writing of MissLed doesn't suggest hatred of women - quite the opposite, in fact.
The aim of this book is to explain, not to blame. It is firm but fair -
tough love for tough times. Not surprisingly, some women have let me know
that they take my book project personally, as they have misperceived
MissLed as a book that “bashes” women. Based on feedback I’ve already
received from in-person and online discussions, I fully expect to be
misperceived as “offensive” and name-called.
8. pg. 5.
In fact, I predict the following words will be used to describe MissLed
or the author, which I’ve termed the Killer Bs - Bitter, Bully, Basher,
Brazen (as in, "How dare a man write about women!"), Bedeviling, Boorish,
Busy body, Bonehead, Buffoon, Brute, Blamer, Bigot, Bizarre, Belittler
and, lastly, Bachelor (as an unmarried, I’m particularly unqualified
to explore women’s thinking, beliefs and behaviors). Despite my
critics' mislabeling of me and mischaracterization of this book’s content
and spirit, my words will remain as I intended them to be - candid and
truthful, even if some attemtp to claim that they are "hurtful" or
"offensive." That’s not the intention - not at all. Quite the contrary -
in my view, examining how the minority of MissLed women do not measure up
to the majority of women in terms of thinking and behaving will be of value
to any woman (or man, for that matter) who wants to improve the clarity and
effectiveness of their thinking and decision making.
9. pg. 5
Kelly Valen’s book “The Twisted Sisterhood: Unraveling the Dark Legacy
of Female Friendships” also brought down quite a bit of wrath from some
women onto her. Their reaction was so disturbing and disheartening that
she discussed it repeatedly and at length within a re- vised version of
the book.
- change to -
Kelly Valen’s book “The Twisted Sisterhood: Unraveling the Dark Legacy
of Female Friendships” also brought down quite a bit of wrath from some
women upon her. In fact, their reaction was so disturbing and disheartening that
she discussed it repeatedly and at length within a revised version
of the book.
10. pg. 5
Both authors took great pains to be very careful with their language so it
would not be interpreted by women as insensitive or blaming the victim.
Nonetheless, they were startled by the vitriolic response of some readers.
- change to -
Ironically, both authors took great pains to be very careful with their
language so it would not be interpreted by women as insensitive or blaming
the victim. Nonetheless, they were startled by the vitriolic response of
some readers.
11. pg. 5
It is understandable, then, that few women want to initiate any type of public discussion that is critical of certain thought processes and behavioral trends among some women.
- change to -
It is predictable, then, that few women want to initiate or participate in
any type of public discussion that is critical of certain thought processes and
behavioral trends among some women.
12. pg. 6
Whatever imperfections within the writing, however, does not negate the
truth or value of the material within.
- change to -
Whatever imperfections within the analysis or writing due to the author's biases, however, does not
negate any conclusions or facts contained withing the material of the book.
13.pg. 6
• 2010–2012 Texas instructing student air traffic controllers
- change to -
• 2010–2012 Texas instructing student air traffic controllers
- 2012-2013 Florida researching and writing MissLed
- 2014-2015 Bermuda working in air traffic control.
13.
I was fortunate enough to travel extensively to countries including Spain,
Australia, New Zealand, England, Ireland, Holland and some of the usual
tourist spots in Canada and Mexico.
I've been fortunate enough to travel extensively to countries including
Spain, Australia, New Zealand, England, Ireland, Holland and some of the
usual tourist spots in Canada and Mexico.
14. pg. 7
All proved to be a goldmine of information and perspective on the state of women’s minds today.
- change to -
All proved to be goldmines of information and offered me varied and fresh
perspectives regarding the state of women’s minds today.
MissLed, then, is a digest for the reader of the best reviewed books and contemporary articles that I digested for them in form of brief compilations of quotes and opinions. My thinking and subsequent opinions are heavily influenced by the writings of Carl Sagan and Michael Crichton on critical thinking and skepticism and Stephen Pinker on human nature.
15.pg. 7
MissLed, then, is a digest for the reader of the best reviewed books and
contemporary articles that I digested for them in form of brief
compilations of quotes and opinions. My thinking and subsequent opinions
are heavily influenced by the writings of Carl Sagan and Michael Crichton
on critical thinking and skepticism and Stephen Pinker on human nature.
- change to -
MissLed, then, provides the reader a digest of the best reviewed books and
contemporary articles that I digested for them in form of brief compilations
of quotes and opinions. My thinking and subsequent opinions are heavily
influenced by the writings of Carl Sagan and Michael Shermer on critical
thinking and skepticism and Stephen Pinker on human nature.
16. pg. 7
However, I’m not the only person alarmed by some women’s struggles.
- change to -
However, I’m not the first person to raise the alarm regarding some women’s
self-defeating behaviors or impaired thinking.
17. pg. 8
Kelly Valen’s “Twisted Sisterhood: Unraveling the Dark Legacy of Female Friendships” explores
her extensive survey results that showed that an over- whelming majority of women said they
had endured serious, life-altering knocks from other females. In fact, an alarming 97 percent
of those polled believed it is crucial that we improve the female culture in this country.
Phyllis Chesler’s “Woman’s Inhumanity to Woman” discussed why women often have such a hard
time getting along with each other - at work and within the family. Lisa Bloom’s “Think:
Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumb- ed-Down World” explored the damaging impact
on those women who choose to dumb down their behavior and avoid reading and other intellectual
and educational pursuits. Susan Shapiro Barash’s “Toxic Friends” discussed, along with several
other similar books on female friendships, the trials and tribulations common with making quality
friendships among today’s women. Barbara Ehenreich’s “Bright-Sided: How Positive Thinking is
Under- mining America” discussed the dangers of excessive Positive Thinking to both women and men).
Laura Berman’s “It’s Not Him, It’s You!: How to Take Charge of Your Life and Create the Love and
Intimacy You Deserve" explored the wrongheaded romantic beliefs all-too-common among women. Michelle
Langley’s “Women’s Infidelity : Living In Limbo: What Women Really Mean When They Say “I’m Not
Happy” explained the formerly taboo subject of wives cheating on their husbands and why it has
been on the in- crease in our culture. Erin Pizzey’s “Prone to Violence” dared to disclose that
men could also be the victims of domestic violence and to discuss how and why women could be as
violent toward their partners as men.
- change to -
Kelly Valen’s “Twisted Sisterhood: Unraveling the Dark Legacy of Female Friendships” explored conclusions
stemming from her extensive survey results that showed that an overwhelming majority of women said they had
endured serious, life-altering knocks from other females. In fact, her survey concluded that an alarming
97 percent of those polled believed it is crucial that the female culture in this country is improved. Phyllis
Chesler’s “Woman’s Inhumanity to Woman” discussed why women often have such difficulties getting along with
each other - at work and within the family. Lisa Bloom’s “Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a
Dumbed-Down World” explored the disturbing trend among some women who've chosen to dumb down their behavior
and avoid reading and other intellectual and educational
pursuits. Susan Shapiro Barash’s “Toxic Friends” discussed, along with several other similar books on
female friendships, the trials and tribulations common with making quality friendships among today’s women.
Barbara Ehenreich’s “Bright-Sided: How Positive Thinking is Undermining America” discussed the dangers of
excessive Positive Thinking to both women and men. Laura Berman’s “It’s Not Him, It’s You!: How to Take
Charge of Your Life and Create the Love and Intimacy You Deserve" explored the wrongheaded romantic beliefs
all-too-common among women. Michelle Langley’s “Women’s Infidelity : Living In Limbo: What Women Really Mean
When They Say “I’m Not Happy” explained the formerly taboo subject of wives cheating on their husbands and why
it has been on the in- crease in our culture. Erin Pizzey’s “Prone to Violence” dared to disclose that men
could also be the victims of domestic violence and to discuss how and why women could be as violent toward
their partners as men.
18.pg. 8
What are the reasons for these unfortunate developments
- chanage to -
Why did women feel compelled about these unfortunate developments that
impair some women?
19. pg 8
What is caus- ing some women to choose to take the wrong paths in life?
- change to -
What factors help explain why some women to choose to take the wrong paths
in life?
19a. pg. 8
Susan Shapiro Barash’s “Toxic Friends” discussed, along with several
other similar books on female friendships, the trials and tribulations
common with making quality friendships among today’s women.
- change to -
Susan Shapiro Barash’s “Toxic Friends” discussed(along with several
other similarly themed books) the trials and tribulations that many
women enounter when striving to form and maintain quality friendships. among today’s women.
19b. pg. 8
Barbara Ehenreich’s “Bright-Sided: How Positive Thinking is Under- mining
America” discussed the dangers of excessive Positive Thinking to both women
and men).
Laura Berman’s “It’s Not Him, It’s You!: How to Take Charge of
Your Life and Create the Love and Intimacy You Deserve" explored the
wrongheaded romantic beliefs all-too-common among women.
19c. pg. 8
Erin Pizzey’s “Prone to Violence” dared to disclose that men could
also be the victims of domestic violence and to discuss how and why
women could be as violent toward their partners as men.
- change to -
Erin Pizzey’s “Prone to Violence” daringly disclosed that men could
also be the victims of domestic violence and to discussed how and why
women could be as violent toward their partners as men.
- change to -
Barbara Ehenreich’s “Bright-Sided: How Positive Thinking is Undermining
America” discussed the hidden dangers that excessive Positive Thinking poses
for both women and men.
Laura Berman’s “It’s Not Him, It’s You!: How to Take
Charge of Your Life and Create the Love and Intimacy You Deserve"
explored the wrongheaded romantic beliefs all-too-common among women.
20.pg. 10
1. MissThinking 2. Illusions, Assumptions, Delusions, Confusions, Disillusion and Dissolution
3. VIEWGAPS - Victim Thinking
4. Intuitive Thinking 5. Egocentric Thinking 6. Wishful Thinking
7. Group Thinking 8. Adolescent Thinking 9. PC Thinking
10. Friendship Frustrations 11. Wrongheaded Romance
12. Soul Mate Solipsism 13. Karma 14. Positivity Poison
15. The Secret's Seductive Sophistry 16. Quackery
17. Breast Cancer Brouhaha & Anti-vaccination vitriol
18. Sanctimoniously Sanctioned Sameness 19. MissCommunication
20. Argument Aggravation 21. Conclusion: 21 Suggested Solutions
- change to -
1. MissThinking 2. Illusions, Assumptions, Delusions, Confusions, Disillusion and Dissolution
3. VIEWGAPS - Victim Thinking
4. Intuitive Thinking 5. Egocentric Thinking 6. Wishful Thinking
7. Group Thinking 8. Adolescent Thinking 9. PC Thinking 10. Superstitious Thinking
11. Friendship Frustrations 12. Wrongheaded Romance & Soul Mate Solipsism
13. Karma 14. Positivity Poison 15. The Secret's Seductive Sophistry
16. Quackery 17. Breast Cancer Brouhaha & Anti-vaccination vitriol
18. Sanctimoniously Sanctioned Sameness 19. MissCommunication
20. Argument Aggravation 21. Conclusion: 21 Suggested Solutions
21. pg. 11
Sections 3 – 9, the VIEWGAP thinking sec- tions, explore how these often
tremendously harmful thinking habits damage too many women. VIEWGAP
appeals to women because thinking in such ways tends to be quick and
easy and can lure the unsuspecting with promises to lessen risks and
appeals to positive emotions such as belonging (group) or feeling
righteous (victim). First and foremost, victim thinking underlies and
justifies the rest of the VIEWGAP.
- change to -
Sections 3 – 9, the VIEWGAPS thinking sections, explore how these
often tremendously harmful thinking habits damage too many women.
VIEWGAPS thinking appeals to women because thinking in such ways tends to be
quick and easy, it can lure the unsuspecting with promises to lessen
risks, and it appeals to positive emotions such as belonging (group) or
feeling righteous (victim). First and foremost, victim thinking underlies
and justifies the rest of the VIEWGAP.
21a. pg. 12
Lastly, Politically Correct (PC) thinking is alluring to MissLed women because it appeals to their desire to be seen as “nice” and sensitive to others in their communi- cation. PC thinking is often accompanied by feelings of moral superiority because it claims to promote sensitivity and equality.
- change to -
Next, Politically Correct (PC) thinking is alluring to MissLed women
because it appeals to their desire to be seen as “nice” and sensitive to
others in their communi- cation. PC thinking is often accompanied by
feelings of moral superiority because it claims to promote sensitivity
and equality.
Finally, the discussion of Superstitious thinking explores how some women's
proclivity for belief in Astrology, Psychichs, Mediums, Ghosts, and other
fallacious phenomenom are the unfortunate result of their tendency to fall
prey to irrationality in their thoughts and beliefs.
22. pg. 13
In sum, too many women’s potential is thwarted because they’ve
been mis- led into pursuing forlorn hopes or following wrongheaded
advice. Years are lost, money is wasted, their mental and physical
health is endangered and even their lives (in the cases of quackery
and anti-vaccine beliefs) are some- times put at risk. For them,
short-term interests and feelings in the moment too often trump
long term interests that involve thinking and planning for the future.
- change to -
In sum, too many women’s full potential isn't fulfilled because they’ve been
mis- led into a pursuit of forlorn hopes and into following wrongheaded advice.
Years are lost, money is wasted, their mental and physical health is
endangered and even their lives (in the cases of quackery and anti-
vaccine beliefs) are sometimes put at risk. For them, short-term
interests and feelings in the moment too often trump long term
interests that involve thinking and planning for the future.
23. pg. 26
THINKING TRAPS are the patterns that result from poor reasoning
skills and the overemphasis that MissLed women put on emotions. There
are 7 thinking traps that MissLed women tend to fall prey to:
24. pg28.
What If?: MissLed women ask a series of questions about “what if”
some- thing happens, and they are never satisfied with any of the
answers. For exam- ple: “Yeah, but what if I get anxious?”, or,
“What if I can’t catch my breath?”
- change to-
What If?: MissLed women ask a series of questions that include “what if”
something happens, and they are rarely satisfied with any of the
answers. For example: “Yeah, but what if I get anxious?”, or,
“What if I can’t catch my breath?”
25. pg. 26
MissLed women assume the intentions or thoughts of others. Of course,
they don’t have adequate information to know what is going on in
others’ minds. For example, they’ll arbitrarily conclude that
someone is reacting negatively to them without checking to see
if it is true. Unfortunately for them, mind reading is notoriously
unreliable and inaccurate:
- change to -
When MissLed women assume the intentions or thoughts of others. Of
course, they don’t have sufficient information to know what is actually
going on in others’ minds. Despite this limitation, mind readers arbitrarily conclude
that someone is reacting negatively to them without checking to see if
it is true. Unfortunately for them, mind reading is notoriously
unreliable and inaccurate:
26.pg. 14
Women can no longer function in accordance with outdated concepts of
in- equality. Given women’s increasing control of spending and
responsibility for profound decisions such as reproduction, it is
imperative that as many women as possible recognize the reality of
the present situation in society and think clearly, rationally and
effectively. Only by throwing away the false teachings, misguided
advice and misinformation fed to them until now can the large
number of MissLed women learn to avoid mistaken and self-defeating
behav- iors and then they can begin to thrive and perhaps even
prosper. It simply is not workable and certainly no longer
affordable - for women to live their lives based on false
assumptions and misleading information and plan their futures
based on misguided expectations.
- change to -
Women must not continue to function in accordance with outdated concepts
of inequality. Given women’s increasing control of spending and
their growing responsibility for profound personal decisions such as those
involving reproduction and child rearing, it is imperative that as
many women as possible recognize the reality of the present situation
in society. In short, it is essential that the maximum number of
women possible think clearly, rationally and effectively. Only by
throwing away the false teachings, misguided advice and misinformation
fed to them until now can the large number of MissLed women learn to
avoid mistaken and self-defeating behaviors and then they can begin
to thrive and perhaps even prosper. It simply is not workable - and
certainly no longer affordable - for too many women to live their
lives based on false assumptions and misleading information and plan
their futures based on misguided expectations.
27. pg 14
The key is the malleable middle of women, who have yet to decide
which course to take in their lives. They must be convinced to
pattern their thinking and behavior after the shrinking majority
of women who remain clear thinking, fair-mind- ed, and who behave
with maturity and dignity.
- change to -
The key factor will be the malleable middle of women - those whose beliefs
and values aren't fully formed. They've yet to decide which course to
take in their lives. They must be convinced to pattern their thinking and
behavior after the shrinking majority of women who remain clear thinking,
fair-minded, and who behave with maturity and dignity.
28. pg. 17
Wisdom and logic must also be pursued and granted their proper
place, along with emotion and intuition. Many MissLed wom- en,
however, choose to govern their lives not by reason, but, instead,
prefer to trust their feelings and intuitive thinking. Often, they
are “supported” in their MissThinking mindset by “friends.” These
influential, often imprudent peers convey and reinforce irrational
thinking, emotional reasoning and the primacy and reliability of
their intuitive thinking.
- change to -
Wisdom and logic must also be pursued and granted their proper
places alongside with emotion and intuition. Many MissLed women,
however, choose to govern their lives not by reason, but, instead,
prefer to trust their feelings and to think intuitively. Often, they
are “supported” in their MissThinking habits by like-minded “friends.”
These influential, often imprudent peers convey and reinforce irrational
thinking, emotional reasoning and the primacy and reliability of
their intuitive thinking.
29. pg. 18
• Fall prey to unproven medical quackery, superstition, or
unethical marketing tactics.
- change to -
• Fall prey to unproven medical quackery or unethical marketing tactics.
30. pg. 18
For MissLed women, such skills are not usually emphasized to
them when they are girls.
- change to -
For MissLed women, such skills are not sufficiently emphasized
to them when they are girls.
30a. pg. 19
Irrational Inferences include:
- change to -
Irrational Inferences include:
(Underline and Bold)
31. pg. 19
Irrational Inferences are some of the most damaging results from irrational
thinking. Such inferences often occur from MissLed women’s faulty or
emo- tionally polluted thinking and follow “distortions of reality.”
Some current societal factors that help explain why so many MissLed
women fall prey to MissThinking - particularly Irrational inferences
- include:
• Increasing emotional or physical stress • The rapid introduction
of new or unique situations (constant, rapid change) • Mainstreaming
of intoxication (binge drinking and the rising accep- tance of public
drunkenness of women) Irrational Inferences include: Black-and-white
thinking: (also known as Polarized thinking: Good vs. bad, success
vs. failure, right vs. wrong, moral vs. immoral). When MissLed women
misperceive things in extremes. There is no middle ground. Therein,
they think of things in absolute terms. Words that typify black-and-white
thinking include “always,” “every” and “never."
- change to -
Irrational Inferences are some of the most damaging results from irrational
thinking. Such inferences often occur from MissLed women’s faulty or
emo- tionally polluted thinking and follow “distortions of reality.”
Some current societal factors that help explain why so many MissLed
women fall prey to MissThinking - particularly Irrational inferences
- include:
• Increasing emotional or physical stress • The rapid introduction
of new or unique situations (constant, rapid change) • Mainstreaming
of intoxication (binge drinking and the rising accep- tance of public
drunkenness of women) Irrational Inferences include: Black-and-white
thinking: (also known as All-or-Nothing thinking or Polarized
thinking: Good vs. bad, success vs. failure, right vs. wrong, moral
vs. immoral). When MissLed women misperceive things in extremes, they see
no middle ground. Therein, they think of things in absolute terms. Words
that typify black-and-white thinking include “always,” “every” and “never."
32. pg. 19
Filtering: Exclusive focus on certain aspects of something which are
usu- ally negative or upsetting. Often this includes being associated
in negative (“I am so stupid!”). Less often, it can include being
dissociated in positive (“You have to be pretty smart to do my job.”)
MissLed women who filter irrational- ly tend to see only what is wrong
with themselves or the world, while they ignore any positives. For
example, they selectively hear the one tiny negative thing while
surrounded by all the very positive things.
- change to -
Filtering: Exclusive focus on certain aspects of something which are
usually negative or upsetting. Most often, this includes being associated in
negative (“I am so stupid!”). Less often, it can include being
dissociated in positive (“You have to be pretty smart to do my job!”).
MissLed women who filter irrationally tend to see only what is wrong
with themselves or the world, while they ignore any positives. For
example, they selectively hear the one insignificant, negative thing
while surrounded by a multitude of very significant, positive things.
- incorporate into"a person may pick out a single, unpleasant detail
and dwell on it exclusively so that their vision of reality becomes
darkened or distorted."
33. pg.19
Mind-Reading: MissLed women’s presumptions or guesses (often highly
inaccurate) with regard to what other people are thinking. They
assume the worst about what other people think about them.
- change to -
Mind-Reading: MissLed women’s (often highly inaccurate) presumptions
or guesses with regard to what other people are thinking. They assume
the worst about what other people think about them.
34. pg. 20
Fortune-Telling: MissLed women’s beliefs with regard to the
future that include a fixed destiny. Such beliefs are biased (often
pessimistic) expectations or predictions. Two examples: “I’ll be
depressed forever,” or “Things can only get worse.”
- change to -
Fortune-Telling: When MissLed women’s beliefs with regard to the future
involve a personal destiny that is fixed. Such beliefs are biased (often
pessimistic) expectations or predictions. Two examples: “I’ll be depressed
forever,” or “Things can only get worse.”
35. pg. 20
Emotional Reasoning: MissLed women believe that what they are feeling is
true regardless of any evidence presented. Their reasoning is skewed
toward irrationality because it is clouded by their emotions. The basic,
misguided as- sumption behind such emotional reasoning is, “Where
there’s smoke, there’s fire.” Not surprisingly, emotional reasoning
steers them wrong because, quite often, smoke is not firm evidence of
fire.
- change to -
Emotional Reasoning: MissLed women believe that what they are feeling is
true - regardless of any evidence presented. Their reasoning is skewed
toward irrationality because it is clouded by their emotions. The basic,
misguided assumption behind such emotional reasoning is, “Where
there’s smoke, there’s fire.” Not surprisingly, emotional reasoning
steers them wrong because, quite often, perceieved smoke is not firm
evidence of a real fire.
36. pg 21
Irrational inferences tend to lead MissLed women to misperceive reality
be- cause they experience it through a highly distorted lens. (They
often badly misinterpret what is actually happening.) Too often,
irrational inferences lead to emotional extremes, which result in
unrealistic and illogical decisions and actions. They can even lead
to behaviors that harm themselves or others.
- change to -
Irrational inferences mislead some women because they experience
reality through a highly distorted lens. (They often badly misinterpret
what is actually happening.) Too often, irrational inferences lead
to emotional extremes, which result in unrealistic and illogical
decisions and actions. They can even lead to behaviors that harm
themselves, others - or both.
37. pg. 21
"Unfortunately for them, when they speak ineffectively, their most
important needs can’t be understood by others. Not surprisingly,
as a result, they stand little chance of being met. This
communication deficit damages both their personal relationships
and career effectiveness.
- change to -
Unfortunately for them, when they are unable to speak effectively,
others are unable to understand their most important needs. This has
the unahppy result of leaving them little chance of having their
needs met at all. This serious communication deficit can significantly
damage both their personal relationships and career effectiveness.
38. pg. 22
This is based on MissLed women’s misguided and unrealistic belief that
they can have the approval of nearly everyone. Too often, by seeking
approval, they sacrifice their own principles and happiness.
- change to -
This is based on MissLed women’s misguided and unrealistic belief that
they can gain the approval of nearly everyone. Too often, when they are
too eager for approval, they sacrifice their own principles and happiness.
39. pg. 22
One significant cost is loss of self-respect and dignity. Unsurprisingly,
people do not admire or respect those who willingly seek approval at the
cost of compromising their own values.
- change to -
One significant cost is loss of self-respect and personal dignity. Unsurprisingly,
people do not admire or respect those who willingly seek approval at the
cost of compromising their own values.
39. pg. 23
This “should” over- focus leads to troublesome consequences
for them: It leads to unhappiness due to their constantly dreaming
about the ev- er-elusive ideal. They are constantly unsatisfied
with what they have. Merely complaining - without acting - prevents
them from changing un- satisfying conditions. “Shoulds” build
resistance in others. People resent what they perceive as
nagging. In fact, it would be more effective for MissLed women
if they told people what they want them to do: “I prefer that
you’d be on time,” is much more effective than “You should be
on time.”
“Shoulds” are often linked to excuse-making, and a subsequent loss of con- fidence:
- change to -
This “should” over-focus leads to 4 troublesome consequences
for them:
1. It leads to unhappiness. Their constant dreaming
about the ever-elusive ideal leaves them perpetually unsatisfied
with what they have.
2. Merely complaining - without acting - prevents
them from changing un-satisfying conditions.
3. “Shoulds” build resistance in others. People resent what they perceive as
nagging. In fact, it would be more effective for MissLed women
if they told people what they want them to do: “I prefer that
you’d be on time,” is much more effective than “You should be
on time.”
4. “Shoulds” are often linked to excuse-making, and a subsequent loss of confidence:
40. pg 26
Mind reading can also be potentially damaging in MissLed women’s love
relationships:
- change to -
Mind reading within MissLed women’s love relationships can be
put them at serious risk:
41. pg. 27
MissLed women are susceptible to magnifying or minimizing a
memory or situation in such a way that it no lon- ger corresponds
to objective reality.
- change to -
MissLed women are susceptible to magnifying a memory or
situation in such an exaggerated way that it no longer corresponds
to objective reality.
42. pg. 27
Emotional Reasoning: When MissLed women make decisions based on
how they misinterpret reality rather than on what is, in fact,
objective reality.
- change to -
Emotional Reasoning: When MissLed women make decisions based on
their misinterpretion of reality, rather than deciding more effectively based
on perceiving objective reality.
48.pg. 33
"Since the core hurts, regret or remorse that trigger their emotional
enmity remain unknown to the target, MissLed women receive no
compassion or sympathy for their plight. As a result, these types
of emotional polluters can hardly avoid making enemies. Ironically,
while they long for greater under- standing, their enmity usually
creates quite the opposite - the impulse for revenge in others.
- change to -
Since any of the core hurts, regrets or personal remorse that trigger their emotional
enmity remain unknown to the target, MissLed women receive no compassion
or sympathy for their plight. As a result of the pain their enmity can
inflict on others, these types of emotional
polluters create enemies. Ironically, while they long
for greater understanding, their enmity usually creates quite the
opposite - the impulse for revenge in others.
43. pg. 28
are described by Canadian Psychologist Danny Gagnon, PhD.:
- change to -
as are described by Canadian Psychologist Danny Gagnon, PhD. include:
44. pg. 28
What If?: MissLed women ask a series of questions about “what if”
some- thing happens, and they are never satisfied with any of the
answers. For exam- ple: “Yeah, but what if I get anxious?”, or,
“What if I can’t catch my breath?”
- change to -
What If?: MissLed women ask a series of “what if” questions with regard
to situations, and are not satisfied with any of the answers.
For example: “Yeah, but what if I get anxious?”, or, “What if I
can’t catch my breath?”
45. pg. 28.
“I’m unlovable,” they reject as irrelevant any evidence that people
like them.
- change to -
“I’m unlovable,” they reject as irrelevant any evidence that people
love them.
46. pg. 28
Therein, de- fines as “inflexible mindsets formed by faulty
reasoning.” Many are these in- flexible mindsets are all-too-commonly
found among MissLed women:
- change to -
Therein, the author defines blunders as “inflexible mindsets formed
by faulty reasoning.” Many are these inflexible mindsets are
found among some MissLed women:
47. pg. 28
Exposure Anxiety: MissLed women’s predilection to project overconfi- dence
as a response to fear or uncertainty.
- change to -
Exposure Anxiety: MissLed women’s predilection for projecting overconfi- dence in
response to experiencing fear or uncertainty.
48. pg. 30
Emotional Thinking does not only include the positive emotions of l
ove, compassion and empathy. In truth, it can be MissThinking - resulting
in unpleasant, even toxic emo- tions and attitudes. Entitlement,
resentment, anger, superiority, pettiness, sarcasm, victim identity,
or enmity are the emotional pollutants related to MissThinking. Such
emotional pollutants are transmitted overtly by MissLed women’s body
language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. They are also shown
covertly - by their words and behavior. Ironically, the negative
impact of the more subtle forms of MissLed women’s emotional
pollution is nearly as great as the more dramatic forms.
- change to -
MissThinking can result in unpleasant, even toxic emotions and attitudes that
cloud judgment and pollute thinking processes. Entitlement, resentment, anger, superiority, pettiness, sarcasm, victim identity,
or enmity are the most common emotional pollutants. Such
emotional pollutants are transmitted overtly by MissLed women’s body
language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. They are also shown
covertly - by their words and behavior. Ironically, the negative
impact of the more subtle forms of MissLed women’s emotional
pollution is nearly as great as the more dramatic forms. Overt and covert
Emotional Pollutants include:
49. pg. 30
When they assert that their rights are more important than others’, in essence, they imply that others do not matter.
- change to -
When they assert that their rights are more important than the rights
of others, in essence, they imply that others do not matter.
50. pg. 30
Here’s two typical examples of how an entitled MissLed woman expresses
the emotional pollutant of entitlement:
- change to -
"Here are two typical examples of how an entitled MissLed woman expresses
the emotional pollutant of entitlement:
51. pg. 31
Resentment: The most common emotional pollutant, MissLed women’s
resentment is based on their biased misperception of unfairness.
This pollu- tion normally rears its head when MissLed women do
not receive the help, appreciation, consideration, praise, reward,
respect, or affection they feel they deserve. It is certainly
one of the most unpleasant emotional pollutants for people to
be near. Resentful MissLed women are quite caught up with
their “rights” and with the imagined “wrongs” allegedly done to them.
- change to -
Resentment: The most common emotional pollutant, MissLed women’s resentment
is based on their biased misperception of unfairness. This pollution
normally rears its head when MissLed women do not receive the help,
appreciation, consideration, praise, reward, respect, attention, or
affection they feel they deserve. It is certainly one of the most unpleasant emotional
pollutants for people to be near. Some MissLed women can be resentfully
and overly intenstily focused on their “rights” and with the imagined
“wrongs” allegedly done to them by others.
52. pg 31.
They quickly react to it - often - before they are even consciously aware
of it.
- change to -
Their reactions are so immediate that they often happen before they are
even consciously aware of their presence.
53. pg 31
(Slightly less toxic, though no less pleasant, examples of this form of emotional pollution
are displays of arrogance and self-righteousness.)
- change to -
Public displays of arrogance and self-righteousness are slightly less toxic,
albeit no less unpleasant, examples of this form of emotional pollution.
54. pg. 32
Since the core hurts, regret or remorse that trigger their emotional enmity
remain unknown to the target, MissLed women receive no compassion or
sympathy for their plight. As a result, these types of emotional polluters
can hardly avoid making enemies. Ironically, while they long for greater
under- standing, their enmity usually creates quite the opposite - the
impulse for revenge in others.
- change to -
Since their core hurts, regrets or remorse that trigger their emotional enmity
remain unknown to the target, MissLed women receive no compassion or
sympathy for their plight. This has the unhappy result of creating enemies
and losing friends. Ironically, while they long for greater
understanding, their enmity usually creates quite the opposite - the
impulse for revenge in others.
55. pg.
Largely thanks to MissThinking, and a plethora of misleading information
and advice, too many MissLed women have a mistaken world-view. This
results from a toxic formula of. ILLUSIONS ---> ASSUMPTIONS --->
DELUSIONS---> CONFUSIONS----> DISILLUSION In extreme situations,
following their disillusion, a painful DISSOLU- TION of their most
critical personal relationships will also take place. This is a decay,
disintegration, or termination of either their friendships with their
fellow women or their intimate partnerships with their men."
- change to -
Largely thanks to MissThinking, and a plethora of misleading information
and advice, too many MissLed women have a mistaken world-view. This
results from this toxic formula: ILLUSIONS --> ASSUMPTIONS --->
DELUSIONS----> CONFUSIONS-----> DISILLUSION In extreme situations,
following the onset of disillusion, a painful DISSOLUTION of their most
critical personal relationships often occurs. This decay,
disintegration, or termination of either their friendships with their
fellow women or their intimate partnerships with their men."
56. pg. 34
Too often, these are a significant contributory factor in innumerable
relationship conflicts and misunderstandings, especially for MissLed
women. They can also be the source of the type of demoralization that
induces people to prematurely give up on important goals. What makes
illusions even more dangerous with some MissLed women is the mistaken
overconfidence they have regarding the accuracy of their own perceptions,
memories, and knowledge:
- change to -
Too often, these are a significant contributory factor in innumerable
relationship conflicts and misunderstandings, especially for MissLed
women. What makes
illusions even more dangerous with some MissLed women is the mistaken
overconfidence they have regarding the accuracy of their own perceptions,
memories, and knowledge:
57. pg. 34
Significantly, they are particularly prone to this illusion when part of
those remembered events have a strong emotional impact:
- change to -
Significantly, they are particularly prone to this illusion when the memory
of events have a strong emotional impact:
58. pg. 34
The Illusion of Confidence: Due to this illusion, many MissLed women
overrate their own abilities (especially in comparison to others).
- change to -
The Illusion of Confidence: Due to this illusion, some MissLed women
overrate their own abilities (especially in comparison to others).
59.
They misguidedly believe that they possess wider and deeper
understand- ing than they, in fact, possess. Since they do not know
what they think they know, the unfortunate consequences are often
poor and damaging decisions.
- change to -
They misguidedly believe that they possess wider and deeper
understanding than they, in fact, possess. Since they do not know
what they think they know, the unfortunate consequences - often involving
poor and damaging decisions - can result.
60. pg. 35
their assumptions can be misplaced. In fact, experts do err; their work is worthy of respect, but
is not above skeptical scrutiny.
- change to -
they can be misguided. Experts do err; their work is worthy of respect, but
is not above skeptical scrutiny.
61. pg. 35
It stems from their strong inclination to find meaning in patterns (they wrongly
perceive repeating patterns in randomness as predictive of fu- ture events.)
- change to -
It stems from their tendency to find meaning in patterns (they wrongly
perceive repeating patterns in randomness as predictive of future events.)
62. pg. 36
With some MissLed women, the belief in a sense of control and their yearning for meaning
fosters this illusion:
- change to -
With some MissLed women, a combination of a belief in being in control and their yearning
for meaning fosters this illusion:
63. pg. 37
Still another illusion that is indicative of MissLed women’s self-absorption is the Egocentric Illusion:
- change to -
Still another illusion that is indicative of some MissLed women’s self-absorption is the Egocentric Illusion:
64. pg. 37
The final illusions which tend to plague MissLed women are the Illu- sion of Permanence, Illusion of
Consistency, and the Introspection Illusion. When it comes to the Illusion of Permanence, MissLed
women’s mispercep- tion of permanence reflects their propensity for wishful thinking. Too often
MissLed women cling to a person or belief as if they expect them to never change and to be ever-present.
- change to -
The final illusions which tend to plague MissLed women are the Illusion of Permanence and the Illusion of
Consistency. When it comes to the Illusion of Permanence, MissLed
women’s misperception of permanence reflects their propensity for wishful thinking. Too often,
MissLed women cling to a person or belief as if they expect them to never change and to be ever-present.
65. pg. 38
Indeed, since it is widespread, hidden and rarely recognized, it can be a particularly serious
detriment to good decision-making. Finally, MissLed women’s misguided faith in the accuracy of
their soul- searching often leads them to an Introspection Illusion: “Introspection is not
reliable. When we soul-search, we contrive the findings. The belief that reflection leads
to truth or accuracy is called the introspection illusion.” Rolf Dobelli, “The Art of
Thinking Clearly, ” (London: Sceptre, 2013) 201.
- change to -
Indeed, since it is widespread, hidden and rarely recognized, this illusion can be a particularly
serious detriment to good decision-making.
66. pg. 38
Why, then, are MissLed women’s particularly susceptible to these various and all-too-common
cognitive illusions? For them, illusions are emotionally compelling - they seem so powerful
and vivid that they appear real or true.
- change to -
Why, then, are MissLed women particularly susceptible to these varied - and all-too-common -
cognitive illusions? For them, illusions are emotionally compelling - they seem so powerful
and vivid that they appear real or true.
67. pg. 38
Tragically, rather than offering them comfort and answers to life’s questions, they
damage, detour, and derail MissLed women. Illusions detour and derail them from
reaching their potential in terms of happiness, career success, and interpersonal relationships:
- change to-
Tragically, rather than offering them comfort and answers to life’s questions, they
tend to damage, detour, and derail MissLed women away from reaching their potential in terms of
happiness, career success, and interpersonal relationships:
68. pg. 39
They make judg- ments, form interpretations, and come to conclusions based on the beliefs
they have formed
- change to -
People make judg- ments, form interpretations, and come to conclusions based on the beliefs they have formed
69. pg. 40
Much of what is wrong with human thought can be found in the un- founded, uncritical, or unexamined
assumptions that underlie it.
- change to -
Much of what goes wrong with human thinking is rooted in the un- founded, uncritical, or unexamined
assumptions that underlie it.
70. pg. 41
Compounding the already troubling aspects of delusions is that MissLed women tend to
cling to them quite strongly - often with a misplaced cer- tainty in their genuineness, regardless
of any contradictory or invalidating evidence
- change to -
Compounding the damage done by holding delusions is that MissLed women tend to
cling to them quite strongly - often with a misplaced cer- tainty in their genuineness, regardless
of any contradictory or invalidating evidence
71. pg. 41
Much like ignorance, however, they are often a blissful escape - but merely short-lived ones.
- change to -
Much as ignorance offers, however, they too offer a a blissful escape - but it is illusory and short-lived.
72. pg. 41
This happens when they hold the delusion that they can afford a luxury item, despite
the fact that it is far outside their budget. Similarly, some are deluded into
believing that they can pay off their credit card debt (when they are actually
headed to a humiliating, destructive bankruptcy).
- change to -
This happens when they hold the delusion that they can afford a luxury item, despite
the fact that it is far outside their budget. Even worse, some are deluded enough to
believing that they can safely run up large amounts of credit card debt (when they are actually
headed to a humiliating, destructive bankruptcy).
73. pg. 42
In actuality, however, relationship Florence Nightingales are attempting to project their own
delusional expectations and unrealistic standards upon their relationship partners.
In order to move beyond dangerous illusions and delusions, whenever pos- sible, MissLed
women must reduce or eliminate as many of both as possible
- change to -
In actuality, however, relationship Florence Nightingales tend to project their own
delusional expectations and unrealistic standards upon their relationship partners.
In order to move beyond dangerous illusions and delusions, whenever pos- sible, MissLed women
must reduce or eliminate as many of them as possible.
74. pg. 43
These feelings of disenchantment that set in when MissLed women frustrat- ingly discover that
they have been deceived. They finally understand that the fairy tales told to them by Disney
and their parents have no relation to reality as an adult.
- change to -
Feelings of disenchantment often set in when MissLed women frustratingly becmome disilluisoned. Therein,
they discover - often to their horror - that they have been deceived. They finally understand
that the fairy tales told to them by Disney and their parents have no relation to reality as an adult.
75 pg43
They recognize and accept that fairy tales don’t come true; that life is
not fair; karma isn’t real; soul mates don’t exist; and that their
expectations for romance are unrealizable. Some, having lost their
dreams, descend into bit- terness or resentment.
- change to -
They come to the often reluctant realizations- that fairy tales don’t come true; that life is not fair; karma isn’t real; soul mates don’t exist; and that their expectations for romance are unrealizable. Some, having lost their dreams, descend into bit- terness or resentment.
p45
Instead of encouraging women to be strong in society, the modern
progressive
"Instead of encouraging women to be strong in society, the modern
progressive
75A. pg. 43
• That the romantic comedies and so-called romance novels don’t depict anything close to real life.
- change to -
• That the romantic comedies and so-called romance novels that they've enthusiastically consumed
don’t depict anything close to real life.
Thanks Christopher Naple - your guess is correct. IMV there's a dangerously wrong common assumption {due to WAS}- that females are naturally virtuous. In truth they must be guided t0wards virtue t0 av0id human vices - vanity sloth envy greed etc.
76
Some MissLed women think - and therefore behave - as if they are
a vic- tim. Men (by far the most common), the government, society,
any large cor- porations, and their parents are some of the most
prominent sources of their supposed victimhood. By thinking as a
victim,
- change t -
Some MissLed women think - and therefore behave - as if they are
victims. Men (by far the most common), the government, society, any
large cor- porations, and their parents are some of the most prominent
villians within their victim mentality. By thinking of themselves as
victims,
77 pg 45
For MissLed women, victim thinking limits because it often involves them
seeing themselves as powerless.
-change t0 -
For MissLed women, victim thinking limits because it tends t0 resut in seeing
themselves as powerless.
78 pg 45
Misguidedly, they think they’re stuck, and therefore wrongly feel
powerless with regard to their plight in life:
- change t0 -
They misperceive that they’re stuck, and cnsequenty wrongly feel
powerless with regard to their plight in life:
Misguidedly, they think they’re stuck, and therefore wrongly feel
powerless with regard to their plight in life:
78a pg46 Unfortunately for MissLed women, any false sense of security they gain
from victim thinking limits their understanding of reality:
- change t0 -
Unfortunately for MissLed women, any false sense of security that stems
from victim thinking serves 0nly t0 limit their understanding of reality:
80 pg 46
They choose to think of themselves as a victim, and shield themselves
behind a shroud of misplaced martyrdom. Ultimately, however, MissLed
women have the responsibility to choose whether to wallow in victim
thinking, or, instead, aspire to move beyond it:
- change t-
They choose to think of themselves primariy as a victim, and hence shield
themselves behind a soothing shroud of misplaced martyrdom. However mired
in this mentality. MissLed women can choose whether to n0t wallow in victim
thinking Instead, they can aspire to move beyond it:
81 pg 47
In sum, MissLed women who engage in victim thinking are rewarded
con- siderably, if only in the short-term:
In sum, MissLed women who engage in habitual victim thinking
gain considerable {abeit short-term} rewards:
82 pg 47
MissLed women who take victim thinking too far can risk becoming
known predominantly as victims. Indeed, those MissLed women who
think in terms of victimhood persist in that habit pay significant
costs. They limit their ability to perceive reality and to take
on personal responsibility: “Thinking like a victim characterizes
a denier of reality and shirker of self-re- sponsibility.”
“Everybody Marries the Wrong Person: Turning Flawed into Fulfilling
Relationships,” (Far Hills, NJ: New Horizon Press, 2010) 117. By
engaging in victim thinking, MissLed women often become angry
blamers: “Conventional wisdom encourages assignment of blame. So
we blame others (inept, neglectful or abusive parents, ruthless
schoolmates, sadistic coaches or nuns) for our faults or we blame
ourselves. The problems with assigning blame are that it not only
fosters resentment but also renders us unlikely to change.” “Everybody
Marries the Wrong Person: Turning Flawed into Fulfilling Relationships,”
(Far Hills, NJ: New Horizon Press, 2010) 151. MissLed women who take
victim thinking too far become known predom- inantly as victims. Indeed,
the victim identity is seductive as it provides clarity, certitude, even
a community of like-minded sufferers.
- chage t0 -
MissLed women who take victim thinking too far can risk becoming
known predominantly as victims. Indeed, those MissLed women who
think in terms of victimhood persist in that habit pay significant
costs. They limit their ability to perceive reality and to take
on personal responsibility: “Thinking like a victim characterizes
a denier of reality and shirker of self-responsibility.”
“Everybody Marries the Wrong Person: Turning Flawed into Fulfilling
Relationships,” (Far Hills, NJ: New Horizon Press, 2010) 117. Indeed,
the victim identity is seductive because it seems t0 promise clarity, certitude, and even
fell0wship - in a community of like-minded sufferers.
83 pg 48
MissLed women who currently are victim thinkers would be better served to shift their focus
away from their supposed victimhood and instead toward personal responsibility and gratitude for their
freedoms and opportunities.
84 pg 49
“Intuitions shape our fears (do we fear the right things?), impressions (are our stereotypes accurate?)
and relationships (does she like me?).” David G. Myers, "Intuition: Its Powers and Perils." (New
Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 2002) 10.
DElETE
Marcus Aurelius' influence etc
85 pg 49
While intuition can provide useful insights, it can also dangerously mislead
- change t0 -
H0wever, while intuition can provide useful insights, it can also dangerously mislead
86 pg 49
In fact, thinking intuitively is effective only when balanced with logic
- change t0 -
Who we know isn't reflective of everyone - birds of a feather tend to flock together
especially if MissLed women follow intuitions in the absence of understanding how the human mind operates.
- change t0 -
especially if MissLed women are guided by intuitions with0ut understanding how the human mind operates.
87 pg 50
Specifically, MissLed women’s intuitive thinking is subject to be hindered by:
Hindsight bias (I knew it all along.
- change t0 -
Specifically, MissLed women’s intuitive thinking tends to be hindered by:
Hindsight bias (They knew it all along.
88 pg 50
Confirmation bias (They remember the times intuition “hits” while for- getting
the many other times that intuitive thinking “misses.” They rarely understand the
role of chance and coincidence, preferring to give credit to meta-physical causes.)
Indeed, intuitive thinking - like any other type of thinking - often lacks objectivity
when it comes to evaluating its own level of success:
- change t0 -
Confirmation bias (They remember the times intuition “hits” while for- getting
the many other times that intuitive thinking “misses.” They rarely understand the
role of chance and coincidence, preferring to give credit to meta-physical causes.)
Indeed, intuitive thinking often fails w0men because it lacks objectivity
when evaluating its own level of success:
88A Pg 56
Egocentric thinking is automatic. In order to be overcome, it must be strug- gled against
both consciously and constantly.
- change t0 -
Egocentric thinking is automatic - in chidren or aduts men or women. In order for a human to
overcome it a constant and conscious struggle is required.
88AA
In summary, intuitive thinking must be utilized with extreme care when making important decisions:
“The key to successful decision making is knowing when to trust your intuition and when to be wary
of it and do the hard work of thinking things through.” Chabris and Daniel Simons, “The Invisible
Gorilla,” (NY: Broadway Books, 2011) 235. “To those who study decision-making, the most striking
feature of intuitive judgment is not its occasional brilliance but its rampant mediocrity.” J.
Edward Russo, Paul J.H. Schoemaker, “Winning Decisions: Getting It Right the First Time,” (NY:
Doubleday, 2002) 135-136.
- CHANGE T0 -
In summary, f0r w0men wh0 seek t0 av0id medi0cre 0utc0mes, intuitive thinking must be utilized with
extreme care - especially when making important decisions:
“The key to successful decision making is knowing when to trust your intuition and when to be wary
of it and do the hard work of thinking things through.” Chabris and Daniel Simons, “The Invisible
Gorilla,” (NY: Broadway Books, 2011) 235. “To those who study decision-making, the most striking
feature of intuitive judgment is not its occasional brilliance but its rampant mediocrity.” J.
Edward Russo, Paul J.H. Schoemaker, “Winning Decisions: Getting It Right the First Time,” (NY:
Doubleday, 2002) 135-136.
88AAA pg 53
The tendency for some MissLed women to view everything in relationship to themselves.
- change t -
There's a tendency among some MissLed women to view everything in relationship to themselves.
88AAAA pg 53
Here are MissLed women’s innate, self-centered, psychological tendencies that determine what
they be- lieve, and what they reject:
- change t0-
The following describe MissLed women’s innate, self-centered, psychological tendencies that
determine what they be- lieve, and what they reject:
88BA pg 54
In fact, when one learns to think critically in a strong sense, one learns to become more
rational and less egocentric. MissLed women, unfortunately, have insufficiently developed
critical thinking ability. This deficit leaves them prone to these egocentric tendencies:
Egocentric Infallibility - MissLed women’s tendency to think that their beliefs are true
merely because they believe them. Egocentric Memory - MissLed women “forget” evidence and
information which does not support their thinking and to “remember” evidence and in- formation
which does. Conveniently, they remember evidence that supports their position and suppress
relevant counter evidence.
- change t0-
In fact, when one learns to habitually think critically, one learns to become more
rational and less egocentric. MissLed women, unfortunately, have insufficiently developed
critical thinking ability. This deficit leaves them prone to these egocentric tendencies:
Egocentric Infallibility - MissLed women’s tendency to think that their beliefs are true
merely because they believe them. Egocentric Memory - MissLed women tend t0 “forget” evidence and
information which does not support their thinking and to “remember” evidence and in- formation
which does. Conveniently, they remember evidence that supports their position and suppress
relevant counter evidence.
88AABB PG 54
Egocentric Irrationality - MissLed women too often think in a manner that lacks rationality. This
tends to restrict them from examining the concerns and interests that are necessary for their success.
- CHANGE T0 -
Egocentric Irrationality - MissLed women too often think in a manner that lacks rationality. This
damagingy restricts them from the necessary and sober examination of their concerns and interests
that is essential for their success.
88BB pg 54
Egocentric Righteousness - MissLed women feel superior in the light of their misplaced confidence
that they are in the possession of the truth. In fact, they have a delusionary sense of superiority
over the average person based upon an unwarranted, and, therefore, misguided belief that they
possesses the truth. In sum, such thinking is an unwarranted over-confidence in the correctness
of MissLed women’s views.
- change t0 -
Egocentric Righteousness - MissLed women feel superior due to their misplaced confidence
that they are in the possession of the truth. In fact, they have a delusionary sense of superiority
over the average person based upon an unwarranted, and, therefore, misguided belief that they
possesses the truth. In sum, such thinking is an unwarranted over-confidence in the correctness
of MissLed women’s views.
88Bpg 61
“Groupthink...occurs when a group makes faulty decisions because group
pressures lead to a deterioration of ‘mental efficiency, reality testing,
and moral judgment.” Irving L. Janis, “Groupthink: Psychological Stud-
ies of Policy Decisions and Fiascoes,” (Boston: Houghton-Mifflin, 1982) 9.
“Many of the most misguided decisions have not been made by lone individu-
als but by groups of people who, despite working together, still managed
to make a disastrous decision.” Donelson R. Forsyth, “Group Dynamics: A
Student’s Guide,” (Wadsworth, CA: Wadsworth, Cenage Learning, 2010) 24
- change t0 -
“Many of the most misguided decisions have not been made by lone individu-
als but by groups of people who, despite working together, still managed
to make a disastrous decision.” Donelson R. Forsyth, “Group Dynamics: A
Student’s Guide,” (Wadsworth, CA: Wadsworth, Cenage Learning, 2010) 24
100
Egocentric Immediacy - MissLed women overgeneralize immediate feel- ings and experiences. They
are so absorbed in the immediacy of the moment that MissLed women overextend, project, or
overgeneralize these immediate feelings to completely different, unrelated spheres of
existence or experience. Thus, when one event in their life is highly favorable or
unfavorable, all of life seems favorable or unfavorable as well.
- CHANGE T0-
Egocentric Immediacy - MissLed women overgeneralize immediate feel- ings and experiences. They
are so absorbed in the immediacy of the moment that MissLed women overextend, project, or
overgeneralize these immediate feelings onto those that are completely different or unrelated.
existence or experience. Thus, when one event in their life is highly favorable or
unfavorable, all of life seems favorable or unfavorable as well.
100B pg 55
Egocentric Absurdity - MissLed fail to notice thinking which has “ab- surd” consequences, when
noticing them would force them to rethink their position. They are blind to the logical absurdities
(contradictions and incon- sistencies) of their reasoning, especially when the conscious recognition
of them would force them to revise particular positions, or even their entire worldview.
- CHANGE T0-
Egocentric Absurdity - MissLed fail to notice thinking which has absurd consequences, when
noticing them would force them to rethink their position. They are blind to the logical absurdities
(contradictions and inconsistencies) of their reasoning, especially when the conscious recognition
of them would force them to revise particular positions - or even their entire worldview.
101 pg 55
When MissLed women’s thinking is guided by such egocentric tendencies, they see the world from
a narrow, self-serving perspective.
- change t0 -
When MissLed women’s thinking is guided by such egocentric tendencies, they inevitaby misperceive the world from
a narrow, self-serving perspective.
102 pg 57
Wishful thinking results from the formation of beliefs and decisions according to what
might be pleasing for MissLed women to hope - or imagine - to be true
- change t0 -
Wishful thinking results in the formation of beliefs and decisions according to what
might be pleasing for MissLed women to hope - or imagine - to be true
103 pg 57
Psychologically, their wishful thinking stems from believing some- thing because
of their desire or wish that it be true.
-change t0-
Psychologically, their wishful thinking stems from believing some- thing primarily due
to their desire or wish that it be true.
103A pg 58-59
In fact, psychology writer Matthew Hutson in his book, “The 7 Laws of Magical Thinking,”
discusses the most common forms of Magical Thinking: “Objects Carry Essences. What’s your
memorabilia collection like these days? According to this first rule, we attribute special
properties to items that belong or once belonged to someone we love, is famous, or has a
particular quality we admire. The fact of the matter is that the objects are just those,
objects, and despite their con- nection with special people in our lives, they have no
inherent ability to transmit those people’s powers to us. Symbols Have Power. Humans have
a remarkable tendency to impute mean- ing not only to objects but to abstract entities.
We imbue these symbols with the ability to affect actual events in our lives. Actions
Have Distant Consequences. In our constant search to control the outcomes of events in
our seemingly unpredictable lives, we build up our own per- sonal library of favorite
superstitious rituals or thoughts. The Mind Knows No Bounds. Another manifestation of
this rule is our ten- dency to believe that if we think positive thoughts about a person
in trouble, our thoughts can truly help that person, even if that person is thousands
of miles phys- ically removed from us.
- change t0-
*DELETE*
103B pg 59
59
The Soul Lives On. It’s our desire to avoid thinking about our own mortality
that leads us to invent and hold onto a belief in the afterlife. The World Is
Alive. We share the young child’s belief in animism, which is one key feature
of preoperational thought. In other words, we attribute human-like qualities
to everything from our pets to our iPhones. Everything Happens For A Reason.
The most insidious form of magical thinking is our tendency to believe that
there is a purpose or destiny that guides what happens to us.” “Our
Superstitious Minds: The 7 Laws of Magical Thinking,” by Susan Krauss
Whitbourne, Ph.D. Published on May 8, 2012
http://www.psychol- ogytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201205/our-superstitious-minds- the-7-laws-magical-thinking Indeed, MissLed women who engage in magical thinking tend to seek to confirm only what they hope to be true. More effective thinking would result if they would filter out their magical or wishful thinking bias by comparing their hope versus the known facts.
103C PG 60
In fact, when their hopes inevitably are dashed, the results are unnecessary disappointments,
disillusions, and even despair. Such a widespread mindset contributes significantly to the
current state of affairs in the United States of America:
= CHANGE T0 -
In fact, when their misplaced and unreal
istic hopes inevitably are dashed, the results are unnecessary disappointments,
disillusions, and even despair. Such a widespread mindset contributes significantly to the
current state of affairs in the United States of America
104
pg 61
Groupthink tends to happen when the desire for harmony in a deci- sion-making
group overrides a realistic appraisal of alternatives. At times, it has been proven
to be quite dangerous, even deadly.
- change t0 -
Groupthink tends to happen when the desire for harmony in a deci- sion-making
group overrides a realistic appraisal of alternatives. At times, it has been proven
to be quite dangerous, even deadly:
“Many of the most misguided decisions have not been made by lone individu-
als but by groups of people who, despite working together, still managed
to make a disastrous decision.” Donelson R. Forsyth, “Group Dynamics: A
Student’s Guide,” (Wadsworth, CA: Wadsworth, Cenage Learning, 2010) 24
105 pg 61-62
"Within a group, the powerful female instinct to tend and befriend can strongly
influence their thinking. MissLed women in partic- ular tend to lack the confidence
that is required to disagree within a group. They are fearful that any
expression of a thought that dissents against the group’s consensus will put them
at risk for what most women dread - ridicule, exclusion, or dismissal. Too often,
they’ll go along with a questionable decision or concept due to fear of losing their
place in the group and being left behind. Often, they’ll do so because they long to
belong - to join. Howev- er, there are costs as well as benefits involved with becoming a joiner:
-CHANGE T0-
"Within a group, the powerful female instinct to tend and befriend can misdirect
their thinking - and thus their self -expression - strongly t0wards group thinking.
MissLed women in particular tend to lack the courage and confidence
that is required to dissent within a group setting. They are fearful that any
expression of a thought that disagrees with the group’s consensus will put them
at risk for what most women dread - ridicule, exclusion, or dismissal. Too often,
they’ll go along with a questionable decision or concept due to fear of losing their
place in the group and being left behind. Often, they’ll do so because they long to
belong - to join with others . Howev- er, there are singificant costs that accompany the benefits of
being a joiner:
106 pg 62
Joiners’ striving for unanimity often overrides any thinking that would lead towards a more
realistic appraisal of alternative courses of action. MissLed women’s strong drive for
acceptance from others is a strong motivating factor. For them, thinking outside the
parameters acceptable to the group can feel uncomfortable, even frightening. Individual
initiative, creativity, uniqueness and independent thinking are diminished or lost in
group thinking. Indeed, when engaged in and enveloped by, group think, they begin to
think of the group’s thoughts and ideas as their own. Within the group, MissLed women
have little mental room to think for themselves. Whether with men, women, or MissLed
women, group thinking occurs in three types:
CHANGE T0 -
"Joiners’ striving for unanimity often overrides any thinking that would lead towards a more
realistic appraisal of alternative courses of action. MissLed women’s desire for
acceptance from others is a strong motivating factor. For them, thinking outside the
parameters that are acceptable to the group can feel uncomfortable, even frightening. Individual
initiative, creativity, uniqueness and independent thinking are diminished or lost by joiners
in group thinking. Indeed, when engaged in, and enveloped by, group think, they begin to
think of the group’s thoughts and ideas as their own. Within the group, MissLed women
have little mental room to think for themselves. Whether with men, women, or MissLed
women, group thinking occurs in three types:
107 pg 62
Rationalizing warnings that might challenge the group’s assumptions. Irrationally
stereotyping those who are opposed to the group as weak, evil, biased, spiteful, impotent,
or stupid. Indeed, MissLed women who are en- gaged in group thinking can be close-minded and
emotionally prejudiced against those outside of their group(s):
- CHANGE T0-
They tend to rationalize away any warnings that might challenge the group’s assumptions. In addition
they may irrationally
stereotype those who are opposed to their group as weak, evil, biased, spiteful, impotent,
or stupid. Indeed, MissLed women who are en- gaged in group thinking can be close-minded and
emotionally prejudiced against those outside of their group(s):
108 pg 64
“Ask them to come up with new ideas, and people are more creative away from the crowd.”
Richard Wiseman, “59 Seconds: Think a Little, Change a Lot,” (NY: Alfred A. Knopf, 2009)
111. “A large body of research now suggests that for more than 70 years, people using
group brainstorming may have been inadvertently stifling, not stimulating, their creative
juices. When working together they aren’t as motivated to put in the time and energy to
generate great ideas, and so they end up spending more time thinking inside the box.”
Richard Wiseman, “59 Seconds: Think a Little, Change a Lot,” (NY: Alfred A. Knopf, 2009) 111.
- change t0-
“Ask them to come up with new ideas, and people are more creative away from the crowd.”
Richard Wiseman, “59 Seconds: Think a Little, Change a Lot,” (NY: Alfred A. Knopf, 2009)
111. “A large body of research now suggests that for more than 70 years, people using
group brainstorming may have been inadvertently stifling, not stimulating, their creative
juices. When working together they aren’t as motivated to put in the time and energy to
generate great ideas, and so they end up spending more time thinking inside the box.”
Richard Wiseman, “59 Seconds: Think a Little, Change a Lot,” (NY: Alfred A. Knopf, 2009) 111.
Even the popular practice of brainstorming within a group seems to reduce creativity:
108A pg 64
Another significant downside to group thinking is that it often results in less creative
and productive activity by MissLed women within a group.
- change t0-
Another significant downside to group thinking is that it often results in less productive
activity by MissLed women within a group.
108B
“Ask them to come up with new ideas, and people are more creative
away from the crowd.” Richard Wiseman, “59 Seconds: Think a Little,
Change a Lot,” (NY: Alfred A. Knopf, 2009) 111. “A large body of
research now suggests that for more than 70 years, people using
group brainstorming may have been inadvertently stifling, not
stimulating, their creative juices. When working together they
aren’t as motivated to put in the time and energy to generate
great ideas, and so they end up spending more time thinking
inside the box.” Richard Wiseman, “59 Seconds: Think a Little,
Change a Lot,” (NY: Alfred A. Knopf, 2009) 111.
- CHANGE2 -
“Ask them to come up with new ideas, and people are more creative
away from the crowd.” Richard Wiseman, “59 Seconds: Think a Little,
Change a Lot,” (NY: Alfred A. Knopf, 2009) 111.
Even the popular practice of brainstorming seems to reduce creativity:
“A large body of
research now suggests that for more than 70 years, people using
group brainstorming may have been inadvertently stifling, not
stimulating, their creative juices. When working together they
aren’t as motivated to put in the time and energy to generate
great ideas, and so they end up spending more time thinking
inside the box.” Richard Wiseman, “59 Seconds: Think a Little,
Change a Lot,” (NY: Alfred A. Knopf, 2009) 111.
110 pg 65
conceal laziness - in thought or action - when working in a group of people who are working together.
- change t0-
conceal laziness - in thought or action - when working witin a group of people who are working together.
111 pg 65
All too-commonly, they follow the herd in their language, fashion,
music, or other entertainments such as movies or television. Quite
often, they conform their thinking, and, hence, their actions, so
as to avoid any backlash from their peers:
- change 2-
All too-commonly, they follow the herd in their choices or tastes in language, fashion,
music, or other entertainments such as movies or television. Quite
often, they conform their thinking, and, hence, their actions, so
as to avoid any backlash from their peers:
112 pg 66
Admittedly, it can be quite alluring, as its conformity is associated
with these positive emotions:
- CHANGE T0-
Admittedly, it can be quite alluring, as conformity is associated
with these positive emotions:
113
Many of MissLed women’s self-limiting and self-defeating behaviors
are the logical result of group and conformist thinking. Their
misperception of being limited by peer pressure misguides them
to feel they must act in accor- dance to what the group approves.
Their chosen conformity often permits them to rationalize bad
behaviors:
-change 2 -
Despite these alluring comforts, many of MissLed women’s self-limiting and self-defeating behaviors
remain the direct result of group and conformist thinking. Their
misperception of being trapped or limited by peer pressure misguides them
to feel they must act in accor- dance to what the group approves.
Their chosen conformity often permits them to rationalize bad
behaviors:
114
Of course, some group or conformist thinking is beneficial.
The resultant safe, group-condoned behaviors often give the
useful impression of agree- ableness. This helps them both
to bond with other women and, perhaps even more importantly,
to impress men (for mating purposes).
- mve 2-
115 pg 69
"While many mature women are prospering, some women’s minds
are stalled at an immature thinking stage. Too many MissLed
women’s minds are mired in ignorance and immaturity, in large
part due to their adolescent thinking. Unfortunately for them,
their thinking never matured or developed beyond the natural
human tendency to think in merely adolescent terms. This is
shown by:
- CHANGE 2 -
"While many mature women are prospering, some women’s minds
remain stalled at an immature thinking stage. Indeed, too many MissLed
women’s minds are mired in ignorance and immaturity, in large
part due to their adolescent thinking. Unfortunately for them,
their thinking never matured or developed beyond the instinctive
human tendency to think in merely adolescent terms. This is
shown by:
11 pg 70
"Fears Being Put Down or “Punked.” When MissLed are fearful of
constructive criticism.
Refusing a Trust or Obligation. When MissLed women will not follow
rules or refuse to fulfill an obligation.
Using Anger Inappropriately. Those MissLed women who
misuse or overuse anger when encountering difficult situations.
Poor Planning & Decision Making.
Those MissLed women who do not think before they act. Not surprisingly,
those MissLed women who think on the level of an adolescent are unable
to consistently behave in a mature manner. Since they did not learn to
properly analyze situations, they tend to do what they feel, instead of
what needs to be done: “The ability to analyze situation and do what needs
to be done rather than what we feel like doing is the very essence of maturity.
It is a skill hard won, and that requires regular exercise to remain viable.”
Albert Bernstein, Ph. D., “Emotional Vampires at Work: Dealing with Bosses
and Coworkers Who Drain You Dry,” (NY: McGraw-Hill Education, 2013) 20. A final
cost to MissLed women who think at the adolescent level is in communication. As
would be expected, their immature thinking leads them to write and speak in ways that are less creative,
less articulate, and thereby, less effective. Such a communication
deficit in their personal and professional lives has significant
costs (for more on this, see MissCommunication section.)
Why Does Adolescent Thinking Matter? Too often, MissLed women who engage in
adolescent thinking tend to blame unjusty; to justify their words or actions;
to attempt to rationalize bad behaviors; to seek to minimize any
errors, or to make excuses for any mistakes. Not surprisingly,
these damaging results of adolescent thinking can have significant
adverse effects on MissLed women’s personal relationships.
◾Adolescents are more likely to accept faulty reasoning or shaky evidence when they
agree with the substance of an argument than when disagree.
115C
By closing down debates, it restricts the ability to society to
tackle the problems that face it.”
- CHANGE 2-
By closing down debates, it restricts the ability of society to
tackle the problems that face it.”
116 pg 75
“Research suggests that there may be a growing friendship deficit with people being
less able to sustain the various relationships they make.” Irene S. Levine, “Best Friends
Forever: Surviving a Breakup With Your Best Friend,” (NY: Overlook Press, 2009) 140. Why explore
how impaired thinking and misconceived mindsets affect MissLed women’s friendship frustrations
first? A recent spate of books discuss an alarming depth and breadth of female friendship
struggles. The books in- clude “Toxic Friends,” “Friendships Don’t Just Happen!,” and “Best
Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup With Your Best Friend,” among others. These share the
theme that women’s beliefs, values and health are heavily influenced by their
friendships: “Adult friendships subtly steer our beliefs, our values and even our
physical and emotional health.” Carlin Flora, “Friendfluence: The Surprising Ways
Friends Make Us Who We Are,” (NY: Doubleday, 2013) 6.
- change 2 -
Why explore how impaired thinking and misconceived mindsets affect MissLed women’s friendship frustrations?
Simpy put - because there's convincing evidence that there's a growing discontent among women regarding
the state of female friendships today:
“Research suggests that there may be a growing friendship deficit with people being
less able to sustain the various relationships they make.” Irene S. Levine, “Best Friends
Forever: Surviving a Breakup With Your Best Friend,” (NY: Overlook Press, 2009) 140.
In fact a recent spate of books discuss an alarming depth and breadth of female friendship
struggles. The books include “Toxic Friends,” “Friendships Don’t Just Happen!,” and “Best
Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup With Your Best Friend,” among others. These share the
theme that women’s beliefs, values and health are heavily influenced by their
friendships: “Adult friendships subtly steer our beliefs, our values and even our
physical and emotional health.” Carlin Flora, “Friendfluence: The Surprising Ways
Friends Make Us Who We Are,” (NY: Doubleday, 2013) 6.
116A
Ironically, many women romanticize or even pedestalize the concept of friendship -
especially that of best friends.
- change2 -
Ironically, many women cntinue to romanticize or even pedestalize the concept of friendship -
especially that of best friends {"BFFs - Best Friends Forever").
116B
This is a serious loss for their well-being, because time with good friends is often
some of the most pleasant time in a person’s life:
- CHANGE 2 -
This is a serious detriment to their well-being, because time with good friends is often
some of the most pleasant time in a person’s life:
117 pg 75
With the significant decrease in familial bonds, quality friendships are more important
than ever today. Since many lack reliable family, it is crucial that women are well-informed
regarding the best ways to make and keep friends
- CHANGE 2 -
With the significant decrease in familial bonds, quality friendships becme mre important
than ever fr wmen. Since many have mved away frm the supprt structure prvided by a marriage
r extended family {aunts,cusins} it is crucial that women are well-informed
regarding the best ways to make and keep friends
118 pg 76
In fact, when it comes to forming and sustaining friendships, MissLed women’s
proclivity for wishful thinking often rears its ugly head. A particu- larly
notorious current example is the increasingly popular, yet unrealistic and
childish notion of a “BFF.” The combination of misinformation from media,
adolescent thinking, wishful thinking and their increasingly unrealistic
expec- tations largely explain their belief in the largely mythical best friend “forever”:
- CHANGE 2 -
Unfortunatey for them, when it comes to forming and sustaining friendships, MissLed women’s
proclivity for wishful thinking often rears its ugly head. A particularly
notorious current example is the increasingly popular, yet childishly unrealistic notion
of a “BFF.” The combination of misinformation from media,
adolescent thinking, wishful thinking and their increasingly unrealistic
expectations largely explain their belief in the largely mythical best friend “forever”:
118B PG 76
Sadly, such lofty anticipated benefits from their BFF often lead to disappointing endings:
Unfrtunatey, anticipating such lofty benefits from their BFF often lead to disappointing endings:
118C PG 77
While sentimental yearning and wishful thinking largely explain the ap- peal of the BFF
myth, MissLed women also struggle with situational and contextual friendships.
-CHANGE 2-
While sentimental yearning and wishful thinking largely explain the ap- peal of the mythical BFF,
MissLed women also struggle with situational and contextual friendships.
118D PG 77
Quality friends provide cool, measured pleasures, soothing sympathy
and promote the sharing of valuable wisdom, instruction and advice.
In contrast, those which lack quality and virtue bring forth
conflict, stress, and promote the sharing of questionable, or even
poor, advice.
118E PG 78
women who choose friends unwisely, the invaluable impact that
quality friendships have on both their personal success and
emotional health is lost. Immersed in their misapprehension
or ignorance regarding friendships, they instead form shallow
friendships - those of utility or pleasure. All too often,
MissLed women choose charming, “fun” friends of questionable
or bad char- acter over solid, reliable, friends of good character.
- CHANGE 2 -
women who choose friends unwisely, the invaluable benefits gained
from quality friendships - on both their personal success and
emotional health - are lost. Immersed in their misapprehension
or ignorance regarding friendships, they instead form shallow
friendships - those of utility or pleasure. All too often,
MissLed women choose charming, “fun” friends of questionable
or poor character over solid, reliable, friends of good character.
118F pg 78
uations of potential friends is quite deliberate, even finicky. Their
selection process tends to be too effortful and can be very challenging.
-change 2 -
uations of potential friends is quite deliberate - even finicky. Their
selection process tends to be effortful and can be very challenging.
120
MissLed women’s lack of quality friends often stems largely from the
com- bination of their impatience and expectations of instant
gratification. They unrealistically expect too much, too soon
from other women who are poten- tial friends. They misguidedly
expect love, support and flexibility to be given to them. With
their lack of awareness, they are prone to take friendship for
granted: “Friendship. It’s something many people take for
granted. They are unaware how powerful and positive friendship
can be, or they would take it more seriously.” Jan Yager,
“Friendshifts,” (Stamford, CT: Hannacroix Creek Books, 1997) 5.
- CHANGE 2-
MissLed women’s lack of quality friends often stems largely from the
com- bination of their impatience and expectations of instant
gratification. They unrealistically expect too much, too soon
from other women who are poten- tial friends. They misguidedly
expect love, support and flexibility to be given to them.
121 pg 78
Despite these good reasons to not trust women too freely, many
women (wheth- er MissLed or not) while more cautious around other
women, rarely admit their suspicions:
- CHANGE 2-
Despite the fact that currently there are some good reasons to not
trust women too freely, many women (whether MissLed or not) while
more cautious around other women, rarely admit their suspicions:
122
“A close friend can harm or wound you, unfortunately and that happens
sometimes.” Dr. John Townsend, “How to Be a Best Friend Forever:
Making and Keeping Lifetime Relationships,” (Brentwood, TN: Worthy
Publishing, 2010) 126. It makes perfect sense, then, that those
women who are unwise, slothful and impatient - in other words,
extremely MissLed - find friendships the most challenging. Too
often, they don’t put in the effort, and they lack the needed
social skills, wisdom, and patience required to effectively build
lasting alliances with other women: “Although many women are
extremely practiced at talking about how their partners, their
children, their mothers, their fathers, their bosses have annoyed
or hurt them, they are novices when it comes to talking directly
with a friend about an upset or a hurt between them.” Luise
Eichenbaum, Susie Orbach, “Between Women: Love, Envy and Competition
in Women’s Friendships,” (NY: Pen- guin Books, 1987) 147.
- CHANGE 2-
It makes perfect sense, then, that those
women who are unwise, slothful and impatient - in other words,
extremely MissLed - find friendships the most challenging. Too
often, they don’t put in the effort, and they lack the needed
social skills, wisdom, and patience required to effectively build
lasting alliances with other women: “Although many women are
extremely practiced at talking about how their partners, their
children, their mothers, their fathers, their bosses have annoyed
or hurt them, they are novices when it comes to talking directly
with a friend about an upset or a hurt between them.” Luise
Eichenbaum, Susie Orbach, “Between Women: Love, Envy and Competition
in Women’s Friendships,” (NY: Penguin Books, 1987) 147.
122 PG 7NINE
act, is the key step needed in order to make and sustain genuine friendships. For
many MissLed women, however, a passive mindset leads to an unwillingness to make
strong efforts to form friendships. They are also easily bored and impatient,
which further hampers the process of bonding in friendships. Un- fortunately,
then, MissLed women’s propensity for being reactive often leaves them settling
for toxic, ineffective, or shallow friendships. Their tendency to be risk-averse
and play it “safe” in their personal relationships results in MissLed women missing
out on opportunities to form healthy friendships:
- CHANGE 2-
act, is the key step needed in order to make and sustain genuine friendships. For
many MissLed women, however, their passive mindset means eads the to be unwilling to make
strong efforts to form friendships. They are also impatient and thus easily bored,
which further hampers the process of bonding in friendships. Unfortunately,
then, MissLed women’s propensity for being reactive often results in them settling
for toxic, ineffective, or shallow friendships. Their tendency to be risk-averse
and play it “safe” in their personal relationships results in MissLed women missing
out on opportunities to form healthy friendships:
123 PG 80
All-too-often, MissLed women tend to avoid people who are outside their comfort zones.
Unfortunately for them, this limits their range of quality friendships: “...women
need to be more proactive. To make new friends, you need to actively engage with
other women.” Irene S. Levine, “Best Friends: Surviving a Breakup With Your Best
Friend,” (NY: Overlook Press, 2009) 214.
- CHANGE 2-
All-too-often, MissLed women avoid engaging with people who are outside their comfort zones.
Unfortunately for them, this limits their range of quality friendships: “...women
need to be more proactive. To make new friends, you need to actively engage with
other women.” Irene S. Levine, “Best Friends: Surviving a Breakup With Your Best
Friend,” (NY: Overlook Press, 2009) 214.
124 PG 80
Ironically, the walls they build to protect their feelings often eventually prevent
them from making more meaningful connections with other women.
- CHANGE 2-
Ironically, the walls they build to protect their feelings often prevent
them from ever making more meaningful connections with other women.
125 PG 80
Mature adults, in fact, realize that a conflict in a friendship does not
have to mean the end of the relationship. In fact, it can be a healthy thing.
For many immature MissLed women, however, the challenge of confrontation
within a friendship is too daunting. Therefore, they have a tendency to
avoid any friendships that are likely to have some conflict. As a result,
they often settle for friendships with other women that involve
mini- mal risk of conflict or confrontations.
- CHANGE 2-
Those adults who are mature understand that a conflict in a friendship does not
have to mean the end of the relationship. In fact, it can be a healthy thing.
For many immature MissLed women, however, the challenge of confrontation
within a friendship is too daunting. Therefore, they have a tendency to
avoid any friendships that are likely to have some conflict. As a result,
they often settle for friendships with other women that involve
mini- mal risk of conflict or confrontations.
126 PG 81
As a result, they often settle for friendships with other women that involve
mini- mal risk of conflict or confrontations. Truth is, in order to be authentic
and mutually beneficial, friendship func- tions best as a pairing of equals.
- CHANGE 2-
As a result, they often settle for friendships with other women that involve
minimal risk of conflict or confrontations.
0n the other hand, a friendship's best chance for authenticity and mutual benefits
is a pairing of equals.
127
“I’m seeing a resigned complacency when it comes to the status quo,
as well—a sort of Yeah, that’s the way it is out there. But I have
a nice little cluster of girl- friends, so I’m fine complacency.
This is, of course, complicated, multi-faceted stuff— you can’t
generalize, stereotype, or paint females with too broad a brush.
But get this: a staggering 88 percent of those I polled think that
a distinct undercurrent of meanness and negativity plague our
gender, in many cases the same women singing the praises of Girl
Power, feminism and female friendship in their lives...Have we
become so collectively busy, distracted, cynical, disconnected,
or laissez faire that we’ll just accept entrenched negativity,
quiet suffering and the deterioration of basic civility and
support as our lot, our It is what it is, the necessary cost
of doing busi- ness as a female in this country? Isn’t it time
to revisit the fundamental tenets of sisterhood and humanity and
try to quell the subterranean unease that percolates beneath these
frozen smiles?” Kelly Valen, “The Twisted Sisterhood: Unraveling
the Dark Legacy of Female Friendships,” (NY: Ballentine Books, 2010)
147 pg 93
MissLed women’s beliefs and expecta- tions regarding romance are
simultaneously disorderly (raucous) and stub- bornly misguided
(wrongheaded). That said, if they choose to dispense with myths
and misguided ideas about romance, they’ll have an excellent chance
for a good quality of life. If, however, they persist in their
fallacious beliefs about romance, they’ll put their long-term
well-being (happiness, finances, raising happy and healthy children)
at risk: “We grow up believing in true love, in finding our
‘one and only.’ We assume that once we do, we will marry in bliss
and live happily ever after. But reality rarely coincides with
our beliefs.” David M. Buss, “The Evolution of Desire,”
(NY: Basic Books, 2003) 11.
- CHANGE 2-
As a result, many MissLed women’s beliefs and expectations regarding romance are
simultaneously disorderly (raucous) and stubbornly misguided
(wrongheaded). Hwever - despite the damage done by such wrongheaded infuences they
sti have a chice Indeed, if they choose to dispense with myths
and misguided ideas about romance, they’ll have an excellent chance
for a good quality of life. If, however, they persist in their
fallacious beliefs about romance, they’ll continue to put their long-term
well-being (happiness, finances, raising happy and healthy children)
at risk: “We grow up believing in true love, in finding our
‘one and only.’ We assume that once we do, we will marry in bliss
and live happily ever after. But reality rarely coincides with
our beliefs.” David M. Buss, “The Evolution of Desire,”
(NY: Basic Books, 2003) 11.
148 pg 93-94
For the many who persist with buying into the misleading and often-wrong information
about romance and “love,” the results are often quite significant.
Disillusionment, cynicism, and blaming (of men) are most often the ultimate results.
Misguided expectations largely explain much of their discontent:
- CHANGE 2-
For the many who persist with buying into the misleading and often-wrong information
about romance and “love,” the consequences are often quite significant.
Disillusionment, cynicism, and blaming (of men) are most often the ultimate results.
Much of this discontent can be traced to their misguided expectations:
148a pg 94
In truth, however, instead of unrealistic expectations, a focus on “feelings,” and
the “good communication” panacea, the virtues actually most important for a good
marriage are friendship, loyalty, generosity, courage, self-restraint and justice.
- change 2-
In truth, however, instead of unrealistic expectations, a focus on her “feelings,” and
the “good communication” panacea, the virtues that are actually most important for a good
marriage are friendship, loyalty, generosity, courage, self-restraint and justice.
148b pg 95
often grossly unrealistic and usually unattainable:
- change 2-
often grossly unrealistic - and usually both unattainable and unsustainable:
148c pg 95
This fixation is deep-seated and ingrained early
in life
CHANGE 2 -
This fixation can be deep-seated and stubbornly ingrained quite early
in life
148d pg 96
There, they also require men fit for marrying to be fit, smart, sexy, nice, and
ready, willing, and able to commit!
There, they also require men fit for marrying to be fit, smart, sexy, "nice" - and
ready, willing, and able to commit!
150 pg 96
As a result, there are now a growing number of single women (who also must compete
with the growing number of women who choose to divorce) in their 30s and 40s, who
have chosen to put their energies into career and self-development. Due to their
choice to delay marriage, they have severely reduced their chances for ever
finding a suitable man for marriage and chil- dren. Their time to bear children
is short. It’s not what many women consider fair (something which drives many
of them crazy), but that is the way it is. Evolution and basic human psychology
have stacked the odds against these women. Some of them, unfortunately, will
never find a mate. In truth, if they want the best chance at a happy, long-term
romantic partner, MissLed women must re-examine their standards, re-arrange
their priorities and reconsider their expectations.
- CHANGE 2 -
As a result, there are now a growing number of single women (who also must compete
with a the large number of women who choose to divorce) in their 30s and 40s, who
have chosen to put their energies into career and self-development. Due to their
choice to delay marriage, they have severely reduced their chances for ever
finding a suitable man for marriage and children. Their time to bear children
is short. It’s not what many women consider fair (something which drives many
of them crazy), but that is the way it is. Evolution and basic human psychology
have stacked the odds against these women. Some of them, unfortunately, will
never find a mate. In truth, if they want the best chance at a happy, long-term
151 pg 97
Overall, they are a mixed bag of joys and sorrows, which couples often describe with
terms like “hard work” and “compromise.” Other couples frankly describe their
relationships in terms like “running a small business together.
- change 2 -
Overall, they are a mixed bag of joys and sorrows, with some couples candidly describing their
relationships as much like “running a small business together. Indeed many couples focus on
what they term “hard work” and “compromise” within their relationships.
152 pg 98
It is clear, then, that the benefits of compromise in love relationships have been
exaggerated. It is not the panacea that MissLed women have been led to believe. In
fact, it can be fraught with dangers:
- CHANGE 2 -
It is clear, then, that the benefits of compromise in love relationships have been
exaggerated. In truth, compromise is not the panacea that MissLed women have been led to believe. In
fact, it can be fraught with dangers:
153 pg 98
The mixture of good and bad times that describe most marriages are best coped
with by having realistic expectations.
- CHANGE 2 -
The mixture of good and bad times that describe most marriages are best coped
with when both partners maintain realistic expectations.
154 pg 98
For most married couples, regardless of the initial passion, chemistry, or honeymoon
that comes so easily in the heady first days together, marriage remains a for- midable
challenge: marriage remains a formidable challenge:
- CHANGE 2 -
Indeed, for most married couples - regardless of the initial passion, chemistry, or honeymoon
that comes so easily in the heady first days together - marriage remains a formidable
challenge:
155 pg99
Books and films tend to tell - and sell - compelling, dramatic stories of opposites who
attract and then fall in love and live happily ever after. Of course, these are mere stories:
- CHANGE 2 -
Books and films tend to tell - and sell - compelling, dramatic stories of opposites who
attract and then fall in love and live happily ever after. However entertaining and compelling, these remain
merely fictitious stories:
156 pg99
In fact, mental health experts say that genuine love is earned, and is conditional. In
truth, any man or woman seek- ing love is better served asking themselves, “Am I behaving
in a love-worthy way?” In addition, their love must understood to be conditional:
- CHANGE 2 -
In fact, many mental health experts advise that genuine love is earned, and remains
conditional throughout the duration of the partnership. With this in mind, any man or
woman wanting to maintain a loving relationship is well served by asking themselves, “Am I behaving
in a love-worthy way?” In addition, they must understand that- if they dont behave lovingy -
they dont "deserve"
love:
156b pg99
Blinded and blissful in the infatuation stage, MissLed women unrealistically expect the attraction and fascination with the “other” to continue indefinitely. However, when it inevitably fades, it usually becomes conflict, or even repulsion. Fact is, similars tend to attract in the most benefi- cial way possible - the long-term:
- CHANGE 2 -
Blinded and blissful in the infatuation stage, MissLed women unrealistically expect
that the perid of attraction and fascination with the “other” will continue
indefinitely. However, when it inevitably fades, it usually becomes a far longer period - one
of defined by conflict, or even repulsion. Fact is, similars tend to attract in the most
beneficial way possible - the long-term:
157b pg 100
The failure to understand the profound difference between pleasure and happiness leaves
too many MissLed women with unrealistic expectations of consistently positive feelings.
They are left prone to be unduly alarmed by any absence of these positive feelings,
however brief. Misguidedly, their confusion between short-term, pleasurable emotions
and long-term happiness often misleads them to question their contentment level or,
more seriously, their choice of love partner. Such love miscalculations can result
in considerable pain and misery for them:
-CHANGE 2 -
The failure to understand the profound difference between pleasure and happiness misleads
too many MissLed women to expect consistently positive feelings.
Consequently, they are left prone to be unduly alarmed by any absence of these positive feelings,
however brief. Misguidedly, their confusion between short-term, pleasurable emotions
and long-term happiness often misleads them to question their contentment level or,
more seriously, their choice of love partner. Such love miscalculations can result
in considerable pain and misery for them:
157e pg 100
For MissLed women to expect those in- tense feelings to last is both unrealistic,
and unwise. It is also misguided for them to think that falling out of love or
ending a relationship that is not mutually beneficial is a failure to be regretted:
- CHANGE 2 -
For MissLed women to expect those intense feelings to be permanent is both unrealistic,
and unwise. It is also misguided for them to believe that falling out of love or
ending a relationship that is not mutually beneficial is solely a regrettable failure:
157F pg100
In fact, so-called love at first sight is typically merely infatuation. How- ever intense,
such feelings are not a reliable indicator that a person has met a compatible partner,
suitable for a deep, long-lasting relationship. Both con- temporary scientific findings
and grandma’s (mostly ignored) wisdom show that love, in fact, is a short-term drug:
- CHANGE 2 -
In fact, so-called love at first sight is typically merely infatuation. However intense,
such feelings are not a reliable indicator that a person has met a compatible partner- one that is
suitable for a deep, long-lasting relationship. In fact, both contemporary scientific findings
and grandma’s (mostly ignored) wisdom show that passionate love is a short-term drug:
157G pg100
Inevitably, then, such a high - however pleasant and intoxicating - will end relatively quickly
- CHANGE 2 -
Inevitably, then, such a high - however pleasant and intoxicating - will end quickly - and often painfully
158 pg102
Perhaps the biggest surprise for many modern MissLed women is that ca- reer success,
education, or intelligence are not boosts to their “love” prospects.
- change 2 -
Perhaps the most unpeasant surprise for many modern MissLed women{if they ever reaize it}
is that ca- reer success, education, or intelligence are not boosts to their “love” prospects.
158a pg102
There are still more damaging - and potentially dangerous - misconcep- tions that
are all-too-common among MissLed women. Unfortunately, many of these are part of
“conventional wisdom”:
- change 2-
There are still more damaging - and potentially dangerous - misconceptions that
are all-too-common among MissLed women. Unfortunately, many of these are part of today's
“conventional wisdom”:
158b pg102
In fact, there is dismissed or ignored wis- dom that has proven to be extremely
helpful for long-term relationships. If MissLed women make the effort to seek it out,
they can have a better chance for genuine, lasting love.
- CHANGE 2 -
However, there still exists a readily accesible treasure of trove of wisdom that, while
largely dismissed or ignored by many,now has proven to be extremely
helpful for long-term relationships. If MissLed women make the effort to seek it out,
they can have a better chance for genuine, lasting love.
162 pg 107
Is it any wonder that such an overinflated description, ac- companied
by expectations that go with it, is a prescription for relationship
disappointments, often leading to disillusion with the partner when
they quickly fall short of such idealized hopes?
- CHANGE 2-
Is it any wonder that such an overinflated description, ac- companied
by absurdly lofty expectations, is a prescription for relationship
disappointments? Is it also suprising that "soul mate" expectations often lead to
a devastating disillusion with their partner when they inevitably fall far short of such idealized hopes?
158c pg 107
20. Great sex is the key to marital success. “Conventional wisdom undermines couples’
satisfaction with their sexual relationships, because it is fraught with misinformation...”
Christine Meincke, Ph.D., “Everybody Marries the Wrong Person: Turning Flawed into
Fulfilling Relationships,” (Far Hills, NJ: New Horizon Press, 2010) 13–27.
- CHANGE 2-
**ADD quote-expain why constant great sex isn't paramount
160 pg 104
This myth fuels alive some MissLed women’s belief that every wrong person is train- able
and can be eventually transformed into the right person. It promotes the arrogant and
ignorant concept that men require training from their wives. Only such long-term instruction
will transform husbands into the right kind of partner for the clearly wiser, superior
wife (egocentric thinking):
- CHANGE 2-
This myth fuels some MissLed women’s belief that every wrong person is
trainable and can be eventually transformed into the right person. It promotes
the arrogant and ignorant concept that men require training from their wives. Only
such long-term instruction will transform husbands into the right kind of partner
for the clearly wiser, superior wife (reflecting their misplaced egocentric thinking):
161 pg 105
Only misguided men and MissLed women claim that their partner “made” them do
certain behaviors or misbehaviors.
- CHANGE 2-
Only misguided men and MissLed women believe that their partner “made” them do
certain behaviors or misbehaviors.
162
Sober and frank self-ap- praisal is absolutely paramount. Everyone has heard
that “Love is blind,” but there is also much truth to the statement that “there
is none so blind as those who will not see.
- CHANGE 2-
Most importantly, Sober and frank self-appraisal is absolutely paramount. Everyone has heard that
“Love is blind,” but there is also much truth to the statement that “there is none
so blind as those who will not see.
162a pg 107
Women’s struggles with intimate partnerships are well-documented and fre- quently discussed.
- change 2 -
Women’s struggles with intimate partnerships are well-documented - and frequently the topic of discussion
within books, during tv shows, in movies, and when women socialize.
163 pg 108
For those women who choose to see reality, there is a great long-term reward. Authentic,
mature love never physically hurts. Quite the opposite - it emotionally nurtures and
protects. MissLed women would be well served to accept the huge difference between
what too many now seek - inauthentic, unhealthy and selfish love - and what, for most,
is far more satisfying - authentic, lasting, compassionate love.
- CHANGE 2 -
For those women who choose to see reality, there may be a great long-term reward - that of authentic,
mature love that never physically hurts. In fact it tends provide quite the opposite - emotionally nurturance and
protection. MissLed women would be well served to accept the huge difference between
what too many now seek - inauthentic, unhealthy and selfish love - and what, for most,
is far more satisfying - authentic, lasting, compassionate love.
164 pg 109
MissLed women too often have a belief in, or expectation of, a connection with an idealized
partner on an intimate level for a lifetime. Too many women have accepted this Disneyfied
this concept of love.
- change 2-
MissLed women too often have a belief in, or expectation of, a lifetime, deep connection
on an intimate level with an idealized partner. Indeed, too many women have accepted this Disneyfied
this concept of love.
165 pg 109
When the misinformation and expectations regarding “romance,” are combined with the
nearly-omnipresent “soul mate” mentality among MissLed women, it is not surprising that
so many of their committed relationships are unsuccessful. In contrast, most men’s
notion of what to expect from relation- ships don’t approach the rarefied air of
“soul mate” bliss.
- CHANGE 2-
When the misinformation and expectations regarding “romance” are examined when they are combined with the
nearly-omnipresent “soul mate” mentality among MissLed women, it is not surprising that
so many of their committed relationships are unsuccessful. Happily, in contrast with many women's, most men’s
notion of what to expect from relationships doesn’t approach the rarefied air of
“soul mate” bliss.
166 pg 109-110
While many may give their approval to the soul mate concept, they tend
to be much less starry-eyed and significantly more pragmatic with their ex- pectations
within the relationships themselves.
- CHANGE 2 -
While many men may remain silent or even give their approval to the soul mate concept, most tend
to be much less starry-eyed and significantly more pragmatic with their expectations
within the relationships themselves.
167 pg 110
Since women’s happiness tends to be strongly associated with the quality of their personal
relationships, they are the ones who suffer most from their often-strident belief in the
soul mate marriage model. Due to this irrational belief, many won’t find their
ever-elusive “soul mate” - and therefore will nev- er marry. Others will marry with
the expectation that their husband is their “soul mate” but often quickly discover
that the soul mate concept has many significant drawbacks:
- CHANGE 2 -
Since women’s happiness tends to be strongly associated with the quality of their personal
relationships, it is they who suffer most from their often-strident belief in the
soul mate marriage model. As a result of clinging to this irrational belief, many won’t find their
ever-elusive “soul mate” - and therefore will never marry. Others will marry with
the expectation that their husband is their “soul mate” - not realizing
that the "soul mate" choice in a partner has many significant potential drawbacks:
168 pg 111
More often, however, it is a mundane, some- times painful, and, at times, quite laborious
process of trial and error.
- PAGE 2 -
Fare more often, however, it happens via a mundane, sometimes painful, and, at times, quite
laborious process of trial and error.
168a
The unrealistic aspect of the “soul mate,” the “I won’t settle/I’m too special/I’m amazing” element,
has kept many MissLed women from being agreeable to what could be very good, happy, long-term relationships.
- CHANGE 2 -
The unrealistic aspect of the “soul mate,” the delusion-of-grandeur based “I won’t settle/I’m too special/I’m amazing” element,
has kept many MissLed women from being agreeable to what could be very good, happy, long-term relationships.
168b pg 111
Recent books and movies on the “soul mate” concept reinforce and glamorizes it as exciting, dramatic,
and attainable for all who have an “open heart” and “believe.”
Recent books and movies on the “soul mate” concept reinforce and glamorizes it as exciting, dramatic,
and attainable - at least for all who have an “open heart” and “believe.”
168c pg 111
As a result all-too-often, MissLed women spend much of their precious time wondering how
and when they’ll meet their “soul mate” and what that - and the supposed “happily ever
after” - will be like. MissLed women’s habit of magical thinking lead them to idyllic
fantasies of finding this promised “soul mate.”
- CHANGE 2 -
As a result, all-too-often, MissLed women spend much of their precious time wondering how
and when they’ll meet their “soul mate” - and what their supposedly “happily ever
after” will be like. MissLed women’s habit of magical thinking lead them to idyllic
fantasies of finding this promised “soul mate.”
168d
Indeed, their misplaced belief in “soul mate” relationships aligns well with their perfectionism.
- CHANGE 2 -
Indeed, a misplaced belief in “soul mate” relationships aligns well with a trait that is common among
MissLed women - perfectionism.
168e
MissLed women’s persistent belief in the “soul mate” myth is not merely naiveté or a harmless
fad or delusion. It can wound and damage families. In fact, some MissLed women self-destructively
believe that they found their longed for “soul mate” in an extramarital affair:
- CHANGE 2-
MissLed women’s persistent belief in the “soul mate” myth can not merely be shrugged off as merely immature
naiveté or a harmless fad or delusion. It can wound and damage families. In fact, some MissLed women self-destructively
believe that they found their longed for “soul mate” in an extramarital affai
168f pg 113
They were content to marry a decent man, have children, and live in a decent home. Now, most
report that they expect to get married for (soul mate) love. Unfortunately, this marriage
expectation - especially in combination with MissLed women’s emphasis on their complete
emotional fulfillment within marriage - will result in few couples who prosper long- term.
- CHANGE 2 -
They were content to marry a kind, loyal man, have children, and live in a comfortable, modest home. Now, most
report that they expect to get married for (soul mate) love. Unfortunately, this marriage
expectation - especially in combination with MissLed women’s emphasis on their complete
emotional fulfillment within marriage - will result in few couples who prosper long- term.
168g pg 114
MissLed women who seek “soul mate” love often instead find an illusion of love. In truth,
they’d be far better served to be content with a more re- alistic - and more difficult to
find and maintain - mature, companionate love.
- CHANGE 2 -
MissLed women who seek “soul mate” love often instead find merely an illusion of love. In truth,
they’d be far better served to be content with a more re- alistic - and more difficult to
find and maintain pairing - one of mature, companionate love
170 pg 112
When MissLed women say they “found” or they are “looking for” their “soul mates,” often
what they are admitting is that they are really looking for is someone to save them - from
themselves. In fact, such a search out- side of themselves for happiness tends to result
in their persistent frustra- tion. Too often, they put tremendous pressure from their
expectations on their husbands. They misguidedly expect that their interests, their needs,
their personality traits, and their likes and dislikes are what matters most in their marriage
- CHANGE 2 -
When MissLed women say they “found” or they are “looking for” their “soul mates,” often
what they've revealed is that they are actually looking for someone to save them - from
themselves. In fact, such a search outside of themselves for happiness tends to result
in their persistent frustration. Too often, the messages assciated with soul mates
puts a tremendous burden on their partners and a constant strain on their relationships. The messages
convey that their interests, their needs, their personality traits, and their likes and
dislikes are what matters most in their relationship or marriage
171 pg 112
For the married MissLed women who remain true believers, the typical result of the
persistence of the “soul mate” expectation is a commitment limbo. Therein, they still
care deeply for their partners, but keep one stealthy foot out the door of their hearts.
In so doing, they subject the relationship to constant review: Would they be happi- er,
more loved, or a better person with someone else? For the MissLed women who persist in
their quixotic belief in “soul mates,” it’s a self-induced, painful modern quandary.
- CHANGE 2 -
For the married MissLed women who remain true believers, the typical result of the
persistence of the “soul mate” expectation is a commitment limbo. Therein, they still
care deeply for their partners, but they subject the relationship to constant review. They
ask themselves: Would they be happi- er, more loved, or a better person with someone else?
For the MissLed women who persist in their quixotic belief in “soul mates,” their dilemma
is a self-induced, painful modern quandary.
172 pg 113
In truth, if MissLed women soberly scrutinized the soul mate concept (in- stead of
indulging in egocentric, adolescent and wishful dreaming), they’d realize that it is a
delusional belief - a fairy tale. One which is far from harmless, for it is both
extremely unrealistic, whimsical, and illogical:
- CHANGE 2 -
In truth, if MissLed women soberly scrutinized the soul mate concept (in- stead of
indulging in egocentric, adolescent and wishful dreaming), they’d realize that it is a
delusional belief - a fairy tale. Far from harmless, it is extremely unrealistic,
damagingly whimsical, and illogical:
176 pg 117
Karma can also be a childish, petty wish of vengeance upon those who allegedly hurt
or humiliated or insulted MissLed women. In truth, it is sim- ply wishful thinking
on their part that Karma will avenge wrongs. Karma is their magical tool to wage
war against evil wrongdoers (in their eyes). It parallels the primal human desire
for revenge, as Karma conveniently allows MissLed women to feel guiltlessly satisfied
that their opponents are getting what they “deserve.” In fact, many MissLed women
who invoke Karmic wish- es actually demonstrate anger - a dark, even cruel wish
for harm to come to the person who supposedly hurt them. In this way, they can
still present themselves to the world as a calm, peaceful person who is “loving.”
- CHANGE 2-
Belief in Karma can also be shown by a childish, petty wish for vengeance on those who allegedly hurt,
humiliated or insulted MissLed women. In truth, the beief that Karma will avenge
wrongs is simply wishful thinking. In their minds, Karma is their magical tool to wage
war against evil wrongdoers (in their eyes). It parallels the primal human desire
for revenge, as Karma conveniently allows MissLed women to feel guiltlessly satisfied
that their opponents are getting what they “deserve.” In fact, many MissLed women
who invoke Karmic wishes are in fact merey demonstrating self-serving anger - a spitful, at times
even cruel, wish for harm to come to the person who supposedly hurt them. Yet, they
still present themselves to the world as a calm, peaceful person who is “loving.”
177 pg 117
How do MissLed women (and misguided men) who are Karma believers explain that? Probably
by claiming that there’s some inexplicable or supersti- tious force at play in the situation.
- change 2 -
How do MissLed women (and misguided men) who are Karma believers explain that? The unpleasant truth is that they can't
explain it. That rarely changes their minds, however. Instead of rejecting Karma as a beief system they are apt to claim
that there’s some other inexplicable or supernatural force at play in the situation.
178 pg 118
In addition, belief in Karma discourages a sober evaluation of the actual realities
of today’s world. MissLed women don’t understand - or accept - that organized chaos
is the way the world operates. People are best served to accept this ugly truth and
then strive to navigate through it as best they can. The unpleasant fact remains
that much of what happens throughout life is pure chance, completely unrelated to justice:
- CHANGE 2 -
In addition, belief in Karma discourages a sober evaluation of the actual realities
of today’s world. MissLed women who beieve in Karma don’t understand - or refuse to accept - that organized chaos
is the way the world operates. People are best served to accept this ugly truth and
then strive to navigate through it as best they can. The unpleasant fact remains
that much of what happens throughout life is pure chance, completely unrelated to justice:
l:
184 pg 177
Believing in Kar- ma permits some MissLed women to self-righteously look at
their own good fortune and proclaim, “I deserve this! I’ve earned it!”
It also lets them explain the bad fortunes of others by exclaiming
“They deserve that! They’ve earned it.” Overconfidence in Karma is
yet another indicator of too many MissLed women’s self-centeredness.
It permits them to have a gross misconception of their own importance.
However, their trust that “Karma” will ensure justice for them, in
terms of fulfilling their needs and wants, is naïve at best,
fool- hardy at worst. In fact, if MissLed women want what is “good”
or “right,” they better do something proactive - because Karma won’t
be of any assistance.
- CHANGE2-
Believing in Karma permits some MissLed women to look at
their own good fortune self-righteously and proclaim, “I deserve this! I’ve earned it!”
It also lets them explain the bad fortunes of others by self-servingly exclaiming
“They deserve that! They’ve earned it.” In fact, their misplaced overconfidence in Karma is
yet another indicator of too many MissLed women’s self-centeredness.
It permits them to have a gross misconception of their own importance.
However, their trust that “Karma” will ensure justice for them, in
terms of fulfilling their needs and wants, is naïve at best,
fool- hardy at worst. In fact, if MissLed women want what is “good”
or “right,” they better do something proactive - because Karma won’t
be of any assistance.
184a
184b
184c pg 131
This fallacy appeals to those readers of “The Secret”
with strong self-images, wherein they perceive themselves
as indepen- dent and unique. What better way to further
bolster their self-image, then, than by getting their
hands on “The Secret?”
- CHANGE 2-
This fallacy appeals to those readers of “The Secret”
with strong self-images - partiularly those who perceive themselves
as independent and unique. What better way to further
bolster their self-image than by getting their
hands on “The Secret?”
184d pg 131
Specifically, “The Secret” employs pseudo “experts” - including
a meta- physician, moneymaking expert, healer, life coach,
law of attraction specialist and Feng shui consultant. These
are cited in order to market their “secret” and manipulate
the target audience - MissLed women.
- CHANGE 2-
To reinforce these "Appeals", “The Secret” employs pseudo “experts” - including
a meta- physician, moneymaking expert, healer, life coach,
law of attraction specialist and Feng shui consultant. These
are cited in attempt to boost credility and to manipulate
the target audience - MissLed women.
185 pg 132
On its face, then, “The Secret” must be seen for what it
is - a clever, ma- nipulative marketing tool that specializes
in flattery confusion and deception. It seeks to cynically
manipulate MissLed women’s scientific ignorance and fear
of an increasingly complex world. The creators of this marketing
phe- nomenon take advantage of the fact that few MissLed women
possess the healthy skepticism and critical thinking skills
needed to dismiss this rubbish. Of course, most people know
that “Use the Force, Luke,” is just a fantasy. Unfortunately,
MissLed women tend to be among the small minority who are
prone to wishful thinking, and hence are vulnerable to the
seductive message of this gospel of greed:
-CHANGE2-
On its face, then, “The Secret” must be seen for what it
is - a clever, highly manipulative marketing tool that specializes
in flattery, confusion and deception. It seeks to cynically
exploit MissLed women’s scientific ignorance and propensity for fear
in an increasingly complex world. The creators of this marketing
phenomenon take advantage of the fact that few MissLed women
possess the healthy skepticism and critical thinking skills
needed to dismiss this rubbish. Of course, most people know
that “Use the Force, Luke,” is just a fantasy. Unfortunately,
MissLed women tend to be among the small minority who are
prone to wishful thinking, and hence are vulnerable to the
seductive message of this gospel of greed:
185a pg 129
“The Secret’s”main subject - the law of attraction - is a New Age, super- stitious
belief that claims that a person’s mental disposition attracts similar external
circumstances and events.
-CHANGE 2-
“The Secret’s” main subject - the law of attraction - is a New Age, superstitious
belief that a person’s mental disposition attracts similar external
circumstances and events.
186 pg132
The last two persuasive principles are Consistency and Social
Proof. Giv- en the runaway success of this book, it is of
little surprise that it was followed by “new and improved”
and more expensive forms of media peddling more information
about “The Secret”. These media continued to consistently drum
in the various points of the law of attraction. The very
volume of sales “prove” their validity. The consistency
principle dictates that it will be less painful to buy more
books and immerse one’s self further into “The Secret” than
to ac- cept the whole premise as quite ridiculous. Finally,
social proof is provided in the reader’s assumption that the
surrounding people that possess “The Secret” have more
profound, invaluable knowledge. “The Secret’s“ marketers
attempt to influence potential readers that they too should
seek to acquire this invalu- able information.
-CHANGE2-
The last two persuasive principles are Consistency and Social
Proof. Given the runaway success of the book, it is of
little surprise that it was followed by “new and improved” -
and more expensive - forms of media peddling more information
about “The Secret”. These media continued to repeat and reinforce
the various caims made related to the law of attraction. The very
volume of sales “prove” their validity. The consistency
principle dictates that it will be less painful to buy more
books and immerse one’s self further into “The Secret” than
to ac- cept the whole premise as quite ridiculous. Social proof is eevated by
the reader’s assumption that the legions of people that possess “The Secret” have more
profound, invaluable knowledge. “The Secret’s“ marketers
attempt to influence potential readers that they too should
seek to acquire this invaluable information.
187 pg 93
(Victim Thinking, Intuitive Thinking, Egocentric Thinking, Wishful Thinking, Adolescent Thinking)
- Change to -
add superstitious thinking
188 pg 109
(Intuitive Thinking, Egocentric Thinking, Wishful Thinking)
- change 2-
(Intuitive Thinking, Egocentric Thinking, Wishful Thinking, Superstitious Thinking)
189 pg 115
(Victim Thinking, Egocentric Thinking, Wishful Thinking)
- Change 2-
(Victim Thinking, Egocentric Thinking, Wishful Thinking,Superstitious Thinking)
190 pg 119
(Intuitive Thinking, Egocentric Thinking, Wishful Thinking, Group Thinking)
- change 2-
(Intuitive Thinking, Egocentric Thinking, Wishful Thinking, Group Thinking, Superstitious Thinking)
191 pg 129
(Intuitive Thinking, Egocentric Thinking, Wishful Thinking, Adolescent Thinking)
- change 2-
(Intuitive Thinking, Egocentric Thinking, Wishful Thinking, Adolescent Thinking, Superstitious Thinking)
192 pg 135
(Victim Thinking, Intuitive Thinking, Wishful Thinking, Group Thinking, PC Thinking)
- Change 2-
(Victim Thinking, Intuitive Thinking, Wishful Thinking, Group Thinking, PC Thinking, Superstitious Thinking)
193 add to superstitious
"Women are twice as likely as men to believe Astrology, that people can communicate with the
dead (mediums), and that at least some psychics can forsee the future."
Paranormal America: Ghost Encounters, UFO Sightings, Bigfoot Hunts, and Other Curiosities
in Religion and Culture, (NY: NYU Press, 2011) by Christopher Bader & F. Carson Mencken,
"Gender is, in fact, relatee to several paranormal experiences. In addition to
their use of horoscopes, women are also significantly more likely than men
to consult a psychic to learn aobut the future, to believe that they
have lived in or visited a haunted house, and to have used a Ouija board."
pg. 74
http://www.amazon.com/Paranormal-America-Encounters-Sightings-Curiosities/dp/0814791352pg 57
)
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