Illusins &Victim & Adescent

Largely thanks to MissThinking, and a plethora of misleading information and advice, too many MissLed women have a mistaken world-view. This results from a toxic formula of. ILLUSIONS ---> ASSUMPTIONS ---> DELUSIONS--->  CONFUSIONS----> DISILLUSION In extreme situations, following their disillusion, a painful DISSOLU- TION of their most critical personal relationships will also take place. This is a decay, disintegration, or termination of either their friendships with their fellow women or their intimate partnerships with their men. Illusions are the primary engine of reality distortion among MissLed wom- en. Specifically, cognitive illusions often are linked to ineffective logical rea- soning: “Cognitive illusions are the points where everyone’s apprehension breaks down and logic goes awry.” Michael Kaplan, Ellen Kaplan, “Bozo Sapiens: Why to Err is Human,” (NY: Bloomsbury Press, 2009) 113. Even worse for MissLed women, many are ignorant of their own suscep- tibility to illusions:  “The thing is, we are blind to our own illusions.” Tali Sharot, “The Optimism Bias: A Tour of the Irrationally Positive Brain,” (NY: Vintage Books, 2012) 15.  Illusions are distorted beliefs that are not merely wrong, but wrong in dangerous ways. They negatively impact MissLed women’s thoughts, decisions and actions. Ironically, the problem with illusions is significantly compound- ed by MissLed women’s unawareness of their presence. The fact that they don’t see or know everything is made even worse because they often pridefully think they see or know practically everything. Indeed, illusions are particular- ly hazardous when MissLed women harbor the dangerous misperception that what they take at face value reflects reality: “An illusion is an illusion because we perceive it at face value - as reality.” Tali Sharot, “The Optimism Bias: A Tour of the Irrationally Positive Brain,” (NY:
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Vintage Books, 2012) 6. According to Christopher Chabris and Daniel Simons’ 2011 book “The Invisible Gorilla,” there are several common illusions that lead to errors in judgment. These result in thought-mistakes (cognitive distortions) that lead to unnecessary anxieties. Too often, these are a significant contributory factor in innumerable relationship conflicts and misunderstandings, especially for MissLed women. They can also be the source of the type of demoralization that induces people to prematurely give up on important goals. What makes illusions even more dangerous with some MissLed women is the mistaken overconfidence they have regarding the accuracy of their own perceptions, memories, and knowledge: “We all believe that we are capable of seeing what’s in front of us, of accurately remembering important events from our past, of understanding the limits of our knowledge, of properly determining cause and effect. But these intuitive beliefs are often mistaken ones that mask critically important limitations on our cognitive abilities.” Christopher Chabris and Daniel Simons, “The Invisible Gorilla,” (NY: Broadway Books, 2011) x. The following cognitive Illusions are all-too-common among MissLed women: The Illusion of Attention: They are largely unaware of how much they miss. Such a lack of awareness is not usually self-correcting (especially for excessively prideful MissLed women). Because MissLed women (like all hu- mans) have limited attention resources, they usually see only what they expect to see; more often than not, they fail to see what they do not expect to see: “The problem is that we lack positive evidence for our lack of attention. That is the basis of the illusion of attention. We are aware only of the unexpected objects we do notice, not the ones we have missed.” Christopher Chabris and Daniel Simons, “The Invisible Gorilla,” (NY: Broadway Books, 2011) 37. The Illusion of Memory: The distortion and embellishment of memo- ries that adversely affect MissLed women’s recall of what actually transpired. Significantly, they are particularly prone to this illusion when part of those remembered events have a strong emotional impact: “In memory, people recall pleasant information more accurately than similarly intense unpleasant informa- tion, and unpleasant memories typically grow neutral with the passage of time.” Rüdiger F Pohl, “Cognitive Illusions: A Handbook on Fallacies and Biases in Thinking, Judgment and Memory,” (NY: Psychology Press, 2004) 269. The Illusion of Confidence: Due to this illusion, many MissLed women overrate their own abilities (especially in comparison to others). They tend to favorably interpret another person’s confidence as a sign that they have supe- rior ability. Ironically, and often dangerously, those MissLed women that are most incompetent tend to have the largest amount of misplaced confidence: “The incompetent face two significant hurdles: First, they are below average in
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ability. Second, since they don’t realize they are below average, they are unlikely to take steps to improve their ability.” Christopher Chabris and Daniel Simons, “The Invisible Gorilla,” (NY: Broadway Books, 2011) 89. They misguidedly believe that they possess wider and deeper understand- ing than they, in fact, possess. Since they do not know what they think they know, the unfortunate consequences are often poor and damaging decisions. The Illusion of Knowledge: When MissLed women implicitly believe that they possess considerably more knowledge than they, in fact, actually do. Once again, bad decisions are often made because MissLed women don’t know what they are (wrongly) convinced that they “know”: “Over and over, the illusion of knowledge convinces us that we have a deeper understanding of what a project will entail, when all we really have is a rough and optimistic guess based on shallow familiarity.” Christopher Chabris and Daniel Simons, “The Invisible Gorilla,” (NY: Broadway Books, 2011) 126. The illusion of knowledge can also involve their opinion of others. When MissLed women assume that the so-called “experts” always know more, un- derstand more, can accomplish more, and can do more while doing it better, they can be misguided. Experts do err; their work is worthy of respect, but is not above skeptical scrutiny. The Illusion of Cause: MissLed women’s inclination to find causal rela- tionships where, in truth, none exist. (A particularly harmful and well known example is Jenny McCarthy’s specious claim that autism is caused by vacci- nation.) It stems from their strong inclination to find meaning in patterns (they wrongly perceive repeating patterns in randomness as predictive of fu- ture events.) They also incorrectly infer causal relationships from coincidences (assume that events that happen together have a causal relationship, when, in fact, the reality is coincidence.) Finally, they tend to wrongly assume that events that happen earlier were the direct cause of events that happened (or appear to have happened) later. The Illusion of Potential: Describes the effects of the widespread mis- belief that the human mind has unlimited potential. (A very popular myth is that humans only use 10% of their brains). MissLed women - who tend to cling to any belief that involves positivity or potential - are particularly susceptible to this belief. Many snake oil salesmen and saleswomen who are greedily and gleefully glad to foster this illusion: “The illusion of potential relies on the corollary belief that we have vast pools of untapped brain power just waiting to be released. The myth that we only use 10% of our brain is a direct statement of this idea. Hucksters use the belief in untapped potential to sell everything from miracle exercise regimens (great results with mini- mal effort) to ultra-fast speed reading. Self-claimed psychics argue that they discov- ered their abilities.” “Harry Potter and the Illusion of Potential,” by Daniel Si- mons, November 16, 2010, Psychology Today, http://www.psychologytoday.
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com/blog/the-gorilla-guys/201011/harry-potter-and-the-illusion-potential The Illusion of Validity: The inordinate amount of misplaced confidence that too many MissLed women have in their own judgment. This can persist even when faced with clear and convincing evidence that their judgment is mistaken. Ironically, they often have no idea that they don’t know what they are doing. The Illusion of Invulnerability: Refers to the presence of excessive opti- mism that encourages some MissLed women to take imprudent, even extreme risks. Typically, those MissLed women who have this illusion have the mis- placed belief that bad things only happen to other people. The Illusion of Control: Notwithstanding their own beliefs, much of what MissLed women misattribute to good (or bad) decisions they’ve made is actually the result of chance and/or forces way beyond their control: “The illusion of control is the tendency to believe that we can influence something over which we have absolutely no sway.” Rolf Dobelli, “The Art of Thinking Clearly,” (London: Sceptre, 2013) 50. Yet, in spite their lack of sway, they cling to this illusion, as it seems to offer protection against the many unpredictable things in life: “The illusion of control is an immensely powerful mechanism to immunize against harm, especially if it is unpredictable.” Bruce M. Hood, “The Science of Superstition: How the Developing Brain Creates Supernatural Beliefs,” (NY: HarperCollins, 2009) 17. With some MissLed women, the belief in a sense of control and their yearning for meaning fosters this illusion: “The illusion that life is both controllable and meaningful allows much of social life to proceed. The unpalatable truth that we are quite small and powerless in a world roiling with chaos and uncertainty is simply too much to bear.” “The Allure of Toxic Leaders: Why We Follow Destructive Bosses and Corrupt Politi- cians - and How We Can Survive Them,” (NY: Oxford U. Press, 2005) 51. The Illusion of Skill: MissLed women too often have a deeply ingrained illusion that their skill is responsible for their successes. Any facts that chal- lenge this assumption - and thereby threaten the illusion - are not acknowl- edged. Their mind simply does not digest them. Another illusion common with MissLed women is the Illusion of Objec- tivity. Within this illusion, MissLed women often will confidently claim to be objective about themselves and others. Not surprisingly, however, they are often mistaken: “Over and over again, studies show that people set out on a cognitive mission to bring back reasons to support their preferred belief or action. And because we are usually successful in this mission, we end up with the illusion of objectivity. We real- ly believe that our position is rationally and objectively justified.” Jonathan Haidt, “The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom,”
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(NY: Basic Books, 2006) 65. MissLed women are often prone to this illusion because their perception of reality is blurred by the pervasiveness and power of their emotions: “Our emotions’ guidance of our attention is the rule, not the exception.” “The Il- lusion of Objectivity Betrayed by the Pervasive Influence of Emotion,” by Bao Tran, August 4, 2011, http://selfunreflecting.wordpress.com/2011/08/04/ the-illusion-of-objectivity/ The Focusing Illusion is yet another illusion that is increasingly common with MissLed women. This occurs when MissLed women concentrate atten- tion, or anchor, on the influence of any one factor on their well-being. In other words, they fail to take into account that well-being usually results from many, often quite varied, factors. They also tend to exaggerate the importance of any single factor relative to the many factors that actually contribute to moment-to-moment happiness. Marketers and politicians excel at exploit- ing the Focusing Illusion. This enables them to influence MissLed women’s decision-making and behavior. In fact, the avoidance of advertisements and political rhetoric is the best tactic to avoid such influences. Unfortunately for them, MissLed women rarely manage to avoid either. As a result, they are too often seduced by the methods of the shrewd advertisers, propagandizers and manipulators. Still another illusion that is indicative of MissLed women’s self-absorption is the Egocentric Illusion: “The egocentric predicament entails an illusion. For the duration of our mortal existence we must occupy a physical organism; we must “occupy” a space and time. And herein lies the egocentric illusion, for it appears to each of us that our center is the hub of the whole universe, or, conversely, that the entire cosmos revolves around that point in space/time that we occupy.” James L. Christian, “Philosophy: An Introduction to the Art of Wondering,” (Boston, Wadsworth Cenage, 2006) 79. The final illusions which tend to plague MissLed women are the Illu- sion of Permanence, Illusion of Consistency, and the Introspection Illusion. When it comes to the Illusion of Permanence, MissLed women’s mispercep- tion of permanence reflects their propensity for wishful thinking. Too often MissLed women cling to a person or belief as if they expect them to never change and to be ever-present. In doing so, they set themselves up for dis- appointment and suffering. When the inevitable changes occur, the illusion is shattered, and they tend to become discouraged and afraid. Indeed, the Illusion of Permanence acts as a hindrance to their acceptance of, and mental preparation for, the inevitability of change: “Our belief that life isn’t change isn’t so much a delusion, however, as it is a misconception. For if we were to broaden our perspective and consider the frequency of change throughout humankind’s history - or better yet, throughout the history of
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the cosmos - it would quickly become clear that change is the rule, not the exception.” “The Illusion Of Permanence: The way we look at change determines how we experience it,” by Alex Lickerman, M.D., March 25, 2012 http://www. psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-in-world/201203/the-illusion-perma- nence The Illusion of Consistency plagues far too many MissLed women. Too often, they are prone to overlook the inconsistencies in their thinking, beliefs, and behaviors. Indeed, since it is widespread, hidden and rarely recognized, it can be a particularly serious detriment to good decision-making. Finally, MissLed women’s misguided faith in the accuracy of their soul- searching often leads them to an Introspection Illusion: “Introspection is not reliable. When we soul-search, we contrive the findings. The belief that reflection leads to truth or accuracy is called the introspection illusion.” Rolf Dobelli, “The Art of Thinking Clearly, ” (London: Sceptre, 2013) 201. Why, then, are MissLed women’s particularly susceptible to these various and all-too-common cognitive illusions? For them, illusions are emotionally compelling - they seem so powerful and vivid that they appear real or true. The disturbing fact that life can be, at times, a series of confounding coin- cidences and inexplicable flukes is something they prefer to deny or ignore. MissLed women prefer instead to turn to nearly anything or anyone - astrol- ogers, gurus, rulebooks, programs, religious doctrines - that promises instead to provide a comforting sense of meaning and predictability from the chaos. Of course, such beliefs and biases don’t provide answers. That’s why they’re known as ILLUSIONS. Tragically, rather than offering them comfort and answers to life’s questions, they damage, detour, and derail MissLed women. Illusions detour and derail them from reaching their potential in terms of happiness, career success, and interpersonal relationships: “What we call illusion is really unshakable but unjustified assumption: our be- liefs about the world control what we are able to see. Why should we hobble our- selves in this way? Why can’t we allow life itself to teach us what to look for?” Ellen Kaplan, Michael Kaplan, “Bozo Sapiens: Why to Err is Human,” (NY: Bloomsbury Press, 2009) 77. “The real tragedy of the human condition is not that we must die, but that we choose to live by illusions. We trade off the sting of actuality for the comforting cocoon of illusions, insulated from fear.” Jean Lipman-Blumen, “The Allure of Toxic Leaders: Why We Follow Destructive Bosses and Corrupt Politicians - and How We Can Survive Them,” (NY: Oxford U. Press, 2005) 50. Assumptions “Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” -Isaac Asimov  An assumption is something that is presupposed or taken for granted.
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Most often, it is something MissLed women previously learned and, unwise- ly, never questioned. Assumptions and inferences permeate MissLed women’s lives precisely because humans cannot act without them. They make judg- ments, form interpretations, and come to conclusions based on the beliefs they have formed. Assumptions are part of MissLed women’s system of beliefs. They assume their beliefs to be true and use them to interpret the world about them. This is all quite normal and understandable. The problem, however, lies with their tendency to neither question nor examine the accuracy or validity of their assumptions. Humans unknowingly make hundreds of assumptions without being aware of them. While many assumptions are sound and justifiable, many, however, are clearly not. Indeed, since assumptions are usually unconscious, they often embody prejudices, biases and one-sided beliefs. For MissLed women, the root of many of their thinking problems often lies with false assumptions. Their propensity for misguided assumptions can lead to profound misunderstandings and conflicts. There’s a good reason for the popularity of the clever quip, “When you A-S-S-U-M-E, you make an ASS, out of U, and ME.” It is not only good for a chuckle, but, far too often, it rings true to life in describing MissLed women’s tendency to make unfounded assumptions. Assumptions often follow a predictable path. For MissLed women, the fol- lowing is the typical, misguidedly ignorant and arrogant progression of their Assumptions: Ignorance Assumption --> Idiocy Assumption --> Evil Assumption When faced with those who disagree with them, MissLed women com- mence with the Ignorance Assumption (“You just don’t understand all the facts as well as I do!”). They then continue to the Idiocy Assumption (“Ok, you do understand the facts, but you are too stupid to see them as I do!”). Finally, they finish with the Evil Assumption (“You may understand these facts but you are evil and so arrive at the wrong conclusions!”). In fact, misplaced overconfidence tends to misdirect MissLed women’s as- sumptions:  “Because we are so confident of our beliefs, we experience three reactions when someone fails to share our views: Response 1: Assumption of Ignorance. The other party clearly lacks the nec- essary information. If he knew what you know, he would be of the same opinion.  Reaction 2: Assumption of Idiocy. The other person has the necessary informa- tion, but his mind is underdeveloped. He cannot draw the obvious conclusions. In other words, he’s a moron.  Response 3: Assumption of Malice: Your counterpart has the necessary infor-
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mation - he can understand the debate - but he is deliberately controversial. He has evil intentions.” Rolf Dobelli, The Art of Thinking Clearly, (London: Hodder & Stoughton, 2013) 201-202. Of course, one, two, or even all three of these responses can turn out to be shown as unjust or misguided assumptions: “Do not assume that those who think differently are idiots...Before you dis- trust them, question your own assumptions.” Rolf Dobelli, “The Art of Thinking Clearly,” (London: Hodder & Stoughton, 2013) 232. “We have...evolved a of mind full of assumptions, shortcuts, rules of thumb, heuristics - theories or the world and all within it - to allow us to block out most information and act quickly, despite our brain’s limited input capacity and slow clock speed. Such theories are bound to be at least partly wrong, and to work only in certain situations.” Michael Kaplan, Ellen Kaplan, “Bozo Sapiens: Why to Err is Human,” (NY: Bloomsbury Press, 2009) vi. Much of what is wrong with human thought can be found in the un- founded, uncritical, or unexamined assumptions that underlie it. Assumptions and inferences permeate MissLed women lives precisely because they cannot act without them. People make judgments, form interpretations, and come to conclusions based on the assumptions and beliefs that they have formed. Many assumptions are sound and justifiable. Some, however, are neither, and those get MissLed women into trouble. Not surprisingly, then, a proclivity for these often unwarranted assumptions can lead MissLed women into serious personal difficulties. Such behavior tends to alienate their friends, family, and colleagues. Even worse, faulty assumptions can significantly hinder the clarity of MissLed women’s vision of the world: “What we call illusion is usually unbreakable or unjustified assumption: our beliefs about the world control what we are able to see. Why should we hobble ourselves in this way? Why can’t we allow life itself to teach us what to look for?” Michael Kaplan, Ellen Kaplan, “Bozo Sapiens: Why to Err is Human,” (NY: Bloomsbury Press, 2009) 77. Delusions “How, in particular, do the true believers manage to convince themselves and others that they are the rational, reasonable ones and everyone else is deluded?” Stephen Law, “Believing Bullshit,” (Amherst, NY: Prometheus Books, 2011) 9. After being partially or completely blinded by illusions, and partially or fully misguided by their assumptions, not surprisingly, many MissLed women are left prone to delusions. Delusions are false beliefs that are unyielding to actual reality. These mis- taken or misleading opinions, ideas, or beliefs, create an alternate (more fa- vorable to them) reality. Delusions replace the actual facts, which are either buried out of sight or denied.
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Compounding the already troubling aspects of delusions is that MissLed women tend to cling to them quite strongly - often with a misplaced cer- tainty in their genuineness, regardless of any contradictory or invalidating evidence. Indeed, delusions, much like fantasies, are powerful, seductive, ego defense mechanisms. Much like ignorance, however, they are often a blissful escape - but merely short-lived ones. The damage they inflict can be pervasive and profound. Consider how delusions impact some MissLed women’s per- sonal lives. For example, some deludedly insist that they “deserve” to be un- conditionally loved by a doting, passionate, wonderful man. Others danger- ously delude themselves regarding their financial status. This happens when they hold the delusion that they can afford a luxury item, despite the fact that it is far outside their budget. Similarly, some are deluded into believing that they can pay off their credit card debt (when they are actually headed to a humiliating, destructive bankruptcy). Even delusions of grandeur are on the rise among MissLed women. Given all the media and cultural encouragement of female empowerment, this is not surprising. Pumped up from all of the exhortations of “go girl” from media, parents and school, too many have an overestimation of their own attractive- ness, personal worth, or overall importance. Witness the disturbing number of women that are proudly deluded enough to proclaim themselves goddess- es, princesses, divas, or even bitches (all of which imply power and/or majesty, hence their delusional expectations of special treatment). Too many MissLed women suffer from the delusion that they are much more talented, intelligent, powerful and influential than they really are. Often this delusion is accompanied by an attitude of entitlement and unrealistic expectations. Harboring such delusions can significantly impact MissLed women’s health and damage their long-term interests: “Allowing delusion to focus your attention on short-term gains blocks the fulfill- ment of long-term core needs. The result can be serious consequences to your overall emotional and physical health. Once immersed in a delusional reality, you lose your ability to separate fact from fiction.” Carl Alasko, Ph. D., “Emotional Bullshit,” (NY: Penguin Books, 2008) 21. “Delusion is a psychological processes that has no useful roles in adult relation- ships. In relationships, you delude yourself about another person at your risk and peril.” Carl Alasko, “Emotional Bullshit,” (NY: Penguin Books, 2008) 20. Delusions can also serve as enabling mechanisms for those MissLed wom- en who seek to avoid personal responsibility or accountability: “Delusion can also help you 'defend' yourself (unethically) from being held ac- countable for a deliberate violation. If you’re accused of doing something dishonest or deceitful, all you have to do is protest loudly, 'I didn’t do it! I’m innocent!' If your objection is emphatic and frequent, you can create a delusional 'alternate reality of innocence.” Carl Alasko, Ph. D., “Emotional Bullshit,” (NY: Penguin Books,
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2008) 21–22. For too many deluded MissLed women, even extensive personal experience is not adequate protection against their development of a dangerously inac- curate world-view: “With more years of life experience behind us, we should be able to perceive the world more accurately - to distinguish delusions of hope from hard-core reality. We should, but we don’t.” Tali Sharot, “The Optimism Bias: A Tour of the Irratio- nally Positive Brain,” (NY: Vintage Books, 2012) xiv. Finally, many MissLed women harbor dangerous and damaging delusions with regard to changing men. They see themselves as relationship Florence Nightingales. In their deluded minds, their love has magical healing power: “The whole premise of being a Florence Nightingale means that the rela- tionship only ‘works’ for you if you are needed and are fixing, healing, helping.” “Florence Nightingale: Why needing to fix/heal/help in the name of love is unhealthy,” by Natalie Lue, May 7, 2010, http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/ florence-nightingale-why-needing-to-fixhealhelp-in-the-name-of-love-is- unhealthy-p1/ In actuality, however, relationship Florence Nightingales are attempting to project their own delusional expectations and unrealistic standards upon their relationship partners.  In order to move beyond dangerous illusions and delusions, whenever pos- sible, MissLed women must reduce or eliminate as many of both as possible.  This will prove invaluable to them, as it will enable them to perceive their world much more clearly: “Understanding everyday illusions will lead you to recalibrate the way you ap- proach your life to account for the limitations – and the true strengths - of your mind...Ultimately, seeing through the veils that distort how we perceive ourselves and the world will connect you - for perhaps the first time - with reality.” Chris- topher Chabris and Daniel Simons, “The Invisible Gorilla,” (NY: Broadway Books, 2011) xiii. Confusions “Truth emerges more readily from error than from confusion.” – Francis Bacon In today’s turbulent and rapidly changing society, MissLed women’s are particularly prone to confusion. Their tendencies to harbor Illusions, hold on to Delusions, and persist with Assumptions contribute significantly to their increasing number of confusions. What are MissLed women typically confused about? First and foremost, many are confused about what is right and wrong – they don’t possess a mor- al compass. Left to their own moral whims, they are easily and repeatedly left puzzled and confused. As a result, the simplest moral concepts - such as whether to perceive actions as “fair” or “right” - confuse them. Other typical
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examples of subjects which confuse MissLed women: • Cause and Effect (in events) • Love and Lust (within a sexual liaison) • Meaning of Words vs. Actions Many MissLed women are also confused about what to do with their new personal freedoms. Sexual choices, career options, personal obligations - all cause confusion and consternation for many women. Lastly, many seem per- petually confused by men (mainly because they’ve been misled to expect men to think, feel, and perceive in ways that are similar to theirs). Society feeds their increasing number of confusions by continuously encouraging them to “follow their hearts” and trust their supposedly reliable intuition. At the same time, it promotes education and the pursuit of career “success” as the most important goals for “happiness.” Much of what is preached is grossly misleading - the outcomes promised by the messages don’t come close to matching their resultant realities. Is it any wonder that so many women struggle with confusions and don’t know their best path for happiness? For many MissLed women, confusions remain, even when reality inevitably imposes itself in their lives. Some of the most persistent and frustrating con- fusions ultimately result in painful DISILLUSION. Disillusion These feelings of disenchantment that set in when MissLed women frustrat- ingly discover that they have been deceived. They finally understand that the fairy tales told to them by Disney and their parents have no relation to reality as an adult. At last, they realize: • That the other illusions, beliefs, or other misguided convictions or ideals they held so dear are not valid. • That the romantic comedies and so-called romance novels don’t depict anything close to real life. • That having a successful career won’t make them happy, personally fulfilled, or more attractive to men. What is the best explanation for why so many MissLed women are dis- illusioned and resentful by the time they reach mid-life? Why do they tend to have dour dispositions, worry lines, and walled-off personas? Why do many, ultimately, decided to file for divorce? For many, the explanation lies in their realization that they’ve been lied to all of their lives. They recognize and accept that fairy tales don’t come true; that life is not fair; karma isn’t real; soul mates don’t exist; and that their expectations for romance are unrealizable. Some, having lost their dreams, descend into bit- terness or resentment. They feel they’ve been unfairly shortchanged by life’s broken promises. In today’s culture of blame, something - or someone - there-
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fore must be to blame for having wasted MissLed women’s precious time on futile fantasies. Most often, that someone is MEN. Dissolutions MissLed women’s illusions, delusions, assumptions, confusions and disillusion can so degrade their personal lives that they can ultimately lead to dissolu- tions. In fact, breakdowns, disruptions and disintegrations of their personal relationships are too common among MissLed women. In the worst cases, their most cherished beliefs are shattered, and their most valued relationships and closest friendships are terminated. For many MissLed women, dissolu- tions are the last stage - the end; the liquidation of so much effort, time, and expense. What a tragic, horrendous price many women pay for MissLed thinking, believing and behaving!
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Instead of encouraging women to be strong in society, the modern progressive knee-jerk response is to blame everyone else.” Alex B. Berezon, Hank Camp- bell, “Science Left Behind,” (NY: Public Affairs, 2012) 233. “Our society supports this way of thinking, by helping us blame unfair love relationships, childhood abuse, parental abandonment, or emotional or sexual trauma for all of our painful emotions, behaviors, and choices. We may hate the fact thaWhile many mature women are prospering, some women’s minds are stalled at an immature thinking stage. Too many MissLed women’s minds are mired in ignorance and immaturity, in large part due to their adolescent thinking. Unfortunately for them, their thinking never matured or developed beyond the natural human tendency to think in merely adolescent terms. This is shown by: • An intense preoccupation with their own feelings. • A misplaced belief that they are special and unique. • Imaginary Audience. Encouraged by the fleeting attention they re- ceive from others, they mistakenly think they are the focus of others’ attention (style, body, hair). They falsely perceive that others must do the same thing that they do - namely, think about and monitor them. They fail to realize that while they may be preoccupied with themselves, others are not so inclined. • Personal Fable. Their ardent belief that their feelings and experienc- es can not be understood by others - because they are unique. • Illusion of Invulnerability. Their misinformed belief that bad things will not happen to them (only to other people). This often allows them to (delusively) believe they can get good outcomes without having to do the appropriate amount of work. The typical consequences of adolescent thinking are significant. They in- clude dishonesty, justification, making excuses, blaming others, and playing the victim. There are 8 common indicators of adolescent thinking: Victim Stance. When MissLed women do not take responsibility for their own actions. Example: “He got me drunk.” Lack of Effort. When MissLed women do not put sufficient energy to- ward completing their required tasks. Lack of Concern for Others.  Shown when MissLed women who do not have an age-appropriate amount of focus on other people’s welfare.
Adolescent Thinking
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Fears Being Put Down or “Punked.” When MissLed are afraid to let any- one tell them what to do, or to give them constructive criticism. Refusing a Trust or Obligation. When MissLed women will not follow rules or refuse to fulfill an obligation. Shows Weak and False Pride. When MissLed women have unwarranted pride despite their lack of accomplishments, create fear in others, and do the exact opposite of what is expected of a responsible citizen. Using Anger Inappropriately. Those MissLed women who overuse anger in difficult situations. Poor Planning & Decision Making. Those MissLed women who do not think before they act. Not surprisingly, those MissLed women who think on the level of an ad- olescent are unable to consistently behave in a mature manner. Since they did not learn to properly analyze situations, they tend to do what they feel, instead of what needs to be done: “The ability to analyze situation and do what needs to be done rather than what we feel like doing is the very essence of maturity. It is a skill hard won, and that requires regular exercise to remain viable.” Albert Bernstein, Ph. D., “Emotion- al Vampires at Work: Dealing with Bosses and Coworkers Who Drain You Dry,” (NY: McGraw-Hill Education, 2013) 20. A final cost to MissLed women who think at the adolescent level is in communication. As would be expected, their immature thinking leads them to write and speak in ways that are less creative, less articulate, and thereby, less effective. Such a communication deficit in their personal and professional lives has significant costs (for more on this, see MissCommunication section.) Why Does Adolescent Thinking Matter? Too often, MissLed women who engage in adolescent thinking tend to blame, to justify their words or actions, to attempt to rationalize bad behaviors, to seek to minimize any errors, or to make excuses for any mistakes. Not sur- prisingly, these damaging results of adolescent thinking can have significant adverse effects on MissLed women’s personal relationships.






Pc is the wholesale replacement of rigorous thought with virtuous ideas and behavior. In order to gain the upper hand on reason and analysis, PC relies on two potent tactical weapons: pretense and dishonesty.” Michael R. LeGault, “Th!nk: Why Crucial Decisions Can’t Be Made in the Blink of an Eye,” (NY: Threshold Editions, 2006) 110. The last, but certainly not the least, common thinking problem with MissLed women is Politically Correct thinking. Political Correctness - PC - fosters the dangerous practice of restraining speech. Any opinion or comment deemed offensive, or other otherwise undesirable, is expected to be self-cen- sored. Such thoughts are strongly discouraged - and any expression of them is strictly prohibited. Within PC thinking, some terms are taboo. If referred to at all, taboo terms are described as “unacceptable” or “inappropriate”: “Political correctness inculcates a sense of obligation or conformity in areas which should be (or are) matters of choice. Nevertheless, it has had a major influence on what is regarded as acceptable or appropriate in language, ideas, behavioral norms, and values.” David Conway, Anthony Browne, “The Retreat of Reason,” (London: Institute for the Study of Civil Society, 2006) 4. Instead of providing open and honest communication, PC thinking sub- stitutes an approved vocabulary of correct terms for any terms that are deemed unacceptable or inappropriate. In addition, PC euphemisms are used to refer both to groups that are supposedly stigmatized and allegedly prejudicial prac- tices. MissLed women often unquestionably embrace, and even promote, the concept of PC. It appeals to them because they misperceive it as benevolent. For them, PC is “fair,” “inclusive,” and “sensitive.” In truth, however, it is yet another form of evil - done in the name of good. PC thinking encourages: Conformity in Thought and Action: PC thinking leads MissLed women towards stifling conformity, and away from critical thinking and the open expression of frank opinions and ideas. One of the most limiting aspects of PC is its restriction of acceptable thoughts. Any ways of thinking that might challenge the powers that be are either verboten or, at a minimum, marginalized. As a result, MissLed women
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who are PC-oriented unthinkingly conform - they sheepishly toe the party line. In fact, when many PC statements are de-constructed, they can be clearly seen for what they are - nothing more than vapid, feel good statements. Yet, still, PC thoughts and statements tend to appeal to MissLed women because they are deemed safe. This allows them to avoid the discomfort that usually accompanies conflicts or controversies: “...correctness brought conformity in accepting new agendas, new limits on free- dom of expression, and a general avoidance of certain controversial topics.” Geof- frey Hughes, “Political Correctness: A History of Semantics,” (Oxford: John Wiley & Sons, 2010) 284. Misplaced Feelings of Moral Superiority: For MissLed women, PC thinking feeds their desire to see themselves as morally superior. They voice soothing sentences or write sweet sentiments to demonstrate how much they “care.” Yet, while preaching compassion and “tolerance,” they are, themselves, often quite intolerant: “The intolerant, sanctimonious moral superiority that sustains the beliefs of the politically correct means that they are easily offended by the views of others. There are few as intolerant as those who preach tolerance. In contrast, if your beliefs are upheld by reason and empiricism, then opposing views don’t offend you, they in- trigue you.” David Conway, Anthony Browne, “The Retreat of Reason,” (Lon- don: Institute for the Study of Civil Society, 2006) 26. Misperception of the World through Rose-Colored Glasses: “Political correctness is a way of thinking - or rather emoting - that often so engulfs someone’s mind that they are unaware of it. If you wear rose-tinted glasses long enough, it seems normal that the whole world is rose.” David Conway, An- thony Browne, “The Retreat of Reason,” (London: Institute for the Study of Civil Society, 2006) 79. Wrongheaded and Misconceived Classifications of “Victims”: “Political Correctness is an ideology that classifies certain groups of people as victims in need of protection from criticism, and which makes believers feel that no dissent should be tolerated.” David Conway, Anthony Browne, “The Retreat of Reason,” (London: Institute for the Study of Civil Society, 2006) 4. Blame Game: PC thinking tends to align with the famed philosopher Rousseau’s view of humanity. Therein, humans, in a state of nature, are fundamentally good. Society, however, corrupts them. If “man is born free, but he is everywhere in chains,” it follows that somebody is to blame for their tragic plight (usu- ally, white males). Political correctness, much like the widespread Marxism which preceded it, is a blame game. It theorizes that a conspiracy based on race (white), gender (male), sexual persuasion (straight) and class (the capital- ists) exploits, demeans and abuses everybody else. The consequences of these
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misplaced and foolish ideas resulting from PC thinking are widespread, and deadly serious: “Ideas have consequences, and the consequences of foolish ideas can be appalling.” John M. Ellis, “Literature Lost: Social Agendas and the Corruption of the Humanities,” (Binghampton, NY: Vail-Ballou Press U., 1997) 164. The most serious consequences of MissLed women’s PC thinking: •  Truth means less than “goodness.” •  Dissent of PC concepts is not tolerated. •  That which is “correct” and that which is “incorrect” are dictated. •  Topics are forbidden.  As a result of these limitations on freedom of thought, people are afraid to speak up, or to state provocative opinions, for fear of being branded “racist,” “sexist,” “intolerant,” or “judgmental.” Perhaps the most damaging overall consequence of PC thinking is that it tends to close MissLed women’s minds. Their thoughts are swayed toward feelings and away from clear reasoning: “Across much of the public sphere, it has replaced reason with emotion, subordi- nating objective truth to subjective truth...Rather than opening minds, it is closing them down...By closing down debates, it restricts the ability to society to tackle the problems that face it.” David Conway, Anthony Browne, “The Retreat of Rea- son,” (London: Institute for the Study of Civil Society, 2006) xii–xiii. Indeed, MissLed women’s PC thinking - and their resultant support of PC concepts - is a threat to open-mindedness, both men’s and women’s comfort with speaking freely, and liberal democracy: “Those that do not conform (to PC) should be ignored, silenced or vilified. There is a kind of soft totalitarianism about Political Correctness.” David Conway, An- thony Browne, “The Retreat of Reason,” (London: Institute for the Study of Civil Society, 2006) 2. For some MissLed women (those who lack a personal ethical system or moral compass), such PC thinking fills their moral vacuum: “It is a belief system that echoes religion in providing ready, emotionally satisfy- ing answers for a world too complex to understand fully, and providing a gratify- ing sense of righteousness absent in our otherwise secular society.” David Conway, Anthony Browne, “The Retreat of Reason,” (London: Institute for the Study of Civil Society, 2006) 6.  Indeed, PC thinking also leads to the avoidance of discussion or argument relating to controversial or provocative topics:  “We tend to shy away from discussion about ‘unpleasant’ things. The Gesta- po-like, motherly dictum ‘Never talk about politics or religion’ has expanded to a more encompassing ‘Never risk venturing beyond matter-of-fact observation and common anecdote.’ ” Michael R. LeGault, “Th!nk: Why Crucial Decisions Can’t Be Made in the Blink of an Eye,” (NY: Threshold Editions, 2006) 110.
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A final price of PC thinking is that, in PC land, women are largely im- mune from being criticized by others - or, even more dangerously, from self-criticism: “Any suggestion that women are co-architects of their unhappiness or failure to prosper shall be deemed tantamount to misogyny, horizontal hostility, and internal sexism. We’re to ignore, deny, shift blame, and sweep all evidence of internal thrash- ing under a rug of complacency. Play along, or you’re anti-woman.” Kelly Valen, “The Twisted Sisterhood: Unraveling the Dark Legacy of Female Friend- ships,” (NY: Ballentine Books, 2010) 13. Why Does PC Thinking Matter? While PC terms often sound harmless, and are lauded by many as sensitive and advantageous, they actually hinder the ability to think. PC thinking se- verely limits MissLed women’s ability to express themselves openly and effec- tively. For them, truth in thoughts or speech is too often sacrificed on the altar of being non-offensive. What’s needed is for everyone - including MissLed women - to feel free to speak honestly and openly in private discussions and public debates. Speech is best guided by sound arguments, founded in facts and guided by reason. MissLed women would be better served if they adjusted their mindset away from political correctness and toward factual correctness. Otherwise, PC’s emotionalism, dogmatism, and intolerance of dissent will continue to dominate far too much private and public discourse: “By its very nature, politically correct thinking is most often disingenuous, if not altogether intellectually dishonest. Politically correct thinking replaces individual- ity and authentic opinions with socially acceptable rhetoric and watered-down be- havioral tendencies.” “Politically Correct Leader? Oxymoron!” by Mike Myatt, 12/07/2011 http://www.forbes.com/sites/mikemyatt/2011/12/07/political- ly-correct-leader-oxymoron/  In sum, those MissLed women who habitually think via a politically cor- rect filter are often sentenced to a life of mediocre performance, and vulnera- bility to totalitarian ideals and leaders: “More and more, large numbers of people substitute PC views, hard-line po- litical ideology, or cultish balderdash for hard-won knowledge and flexible, pow- erful reasoning and problem-solving skills.” Michael R. LeGault, “Th!nk: Why Crucial Decisions Can’t Be Made in the Blink of an Eye,” (NY: Threshold Editions, 2006) 122. “The Politically Correct are more intolerant of dissent than traditional liberals or even conservatives...Those who do not conform should be ignored, silenced, or vilified. There is a kind of soft totalitarianism about Political Correctness.” David Conway, Anthony Browne, “The Retreat of Reason,” (London: Institute for the Study of Civil Society, 2006) 2