MissCommunication & Argument Aggravation

The intent of expression is to demonstrate the logic of your thinking while having people recognize that your ideas are compelling, credible, or valid. This approach causes people to want to explore and understand your think- ing.” John R. Stoker, “Overcoming Fake Talk: How to Hold REAL Conversations that Create Respect, Build Relationships, and Get Re- sults,” (Springville, UT: Light Storm Consulting, 2013) 160.  “It’s certainly not trendy to speak well these days.” Jordan Christy, “How to be a Hepburn in a Hilton World,” (NY: Hatchette Book Group, 2009) 46.  Effective communication promotes understanding and shared meaning. Today, however, too many women have followed “trendy” misleading in- formation and advice in terms of how to write and speak.. In fact, MissLed women’s mishandling of communication is serious enough to warrant a new term: Misscommunication.  This is a lack of clear communication, or a fail- ure to communicate effectively that, unfortunately, is all too common among MissLed women. This often results in the distortion or blockage of the mean- ing of their words. The recipients tend to find their statements confusing, unintelligible or incomprehensible. When communication lacks effectiveness and clarity, myriad misunderstandings, confounding confusions, fractious frictions and fruitless frustrations follow.   Misscommunication is the most obvious symptom of the overall decline in MissLed women’s thinking, beliefs and behaviors. This regrettable soci- ety-wide shift largely stems from the types of beliefs and behaviors sanc- tioned (and even encouraged) by other women. It’s been spread by the “mind your own business” and “don’t judge” views now prevalent amongst many women and men. In fact, too many MissLed women speak in any way they please. They wrongheadedly feel it is wise to express themselves when, where, and how they see fit. This is especially true when it comes to opinions - hence the oft-repeated, yet rarely questioned mantra, “Everyone is entitled to their
Maladaptive Misscommication
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opinion.” Unfortunately, their expressions and opinions too often include ignorance, incivility and, increasingly, even vulgarity. Indeed, for too many MissLed women, such misguided misscommunication results from their habit of thinking, and therefore acting, impulsively: “One of the basic causes for all the trouble in the world today is that people talk too much and think too little. They act impulsively without thinking.” - US Sena- tor Margaret Chase Smith, Christine K. Jahnke, “The Well-Spoken Woman,” (Amherst, NY: Prometheus Books, 2011) 153.  The fallout from MissLed women’s misscommunication - in both the spo- ken and written word - is not limited to their own personal and professional lives. It also has had a significant impact on the continued erosion of the English language. Witness the increased use of vapid buzz-phrases, euphe- misms, acronyms, and shortcuts. Many of MissLed women’s favorite words and phrases serve as linguistic smile buttons that attempt to camouflage re- ality. There’s an increasing number of MissLed women using far too much frivolous and emotional language.   All-too-often, instead of clear and direct communication, they speak or write in Fluff, Euphemisms, Doublespeak, or Weasel words. Such misscommunications do little to enlighten or inform its audience in the long-run.    In today’s communication climate of increasingly sophisticated spin and propaganda, unsophisticated MissLed women are quite vulnerable. There are numerous forms of hyperbole, manipulative rhetoric of politicians, biased in- formation, and bombastic lies told - and sold - by media and marketers. Often, these are far too slick for MissLed women to properly scrutinize. In- deed, the emotional persuasiveness of much modern (mostly visual) commu- nication seduces too many MissLed women.      Ironically, today’s MissLed women misscommunicate from an odd combi- nation of misplaced brashness and exaggerated fear. Their boorish brashness is shown when they choose to use vulgar language, stridently insist on being heard, converse too loudly, or speak at inappropriate times. In contrast, their fearfulness tends to stifle their willingness to communicate clearly and as- sertively. Some  choose to remain frozen in women’s traditional nonassertive speaking patterns:  “Women’s traditional way of speaking puts them at a serious disadvantage. Us- ing nonassertive speech patterns undermines their competence and status at work and diminishes their influence in relationships.” Judith Selee McClure, PhD., “Civilized Assertiveness for Women,” (Denver: Albion Street Press, 2003) 2.  MissLed women fear that what they choose to write or say will have a profound impact on how they are perceived. As a consequence, they too often decide to play it safe - to speak or write in manner that is largely a flurry of sweet sounding fluff. Fluff is a mode of speaking and writing consisting largely of spin, hype or irrelevance. It is common in academia and with adver-
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tisers and marketers. Some MissLed women have absorbed fluff words due to their inroads in universities (both as students and professors) and the work- place.  Fluff is spoken as a form of exaggerating praise that often ignores or downplays opposing viewpoints or contradictory evidence. Its goal is to mask the low-level thinking that is often behind it:  “Fluff is a form of gibberish masquerading as strategic concepts or arguments. It uses 'Sunday' words (words that are inflated or unnecessarily abstruse) and appar- ently esoteric concepts to create the illusion of high-level thinking.” Richard Ru- melt, Good Strategy, “Bad Strategy: The Difference and Why It Matters,” (NY: Crown Business, 2011) 32.  “Fluff is superficial restatement of the obvious combined with a generous sprin- kling of buzzwords. Fluff masquerades as expertise, thought, and analysis.” Rich- ard Rumelt, “Good Strategy, Bad Strategy: The Difference and Why It Mat- ters,” (NY: Crown Business, 2011) 37.  Sugarcoating is also a common habit of speech among MissLed wom- en. Their fear of being perceived as unappealing or unpleasant leads them to sugarcoat. They lack the courage to speak plainly about harsh or unpleasant realities. MissLed women’s typical motivations for sugarcoating include:  •  to avoid hurting feelings  •  their fear of judgment   •  to get what they want/manipulate   •  to avoid looking foolish  •  to avoid conflict, disagreement, or feeling anger  •  to ensure that things turn out alright for them  •  to avoid feeling out of control   Euphemisms are also commonly used by many MissLed women. These act as substitutions for those expressions that may offend or suggest some- thing unpleasant to the receiver. Instead of direct language, an agreeable or less offensive expression is used. To speak or write with euphemisms serves MissLed women’s purpose - to avoid conflict or the frank discussion of un- pleasant subjects. Euphemisms often are communicated to pacify the reader or audience, in order to make an unpleasant reality seem more palatable.  In fairness, some use of euphemisms by both women and men is desirable. They can be beneficial when used to amuse, or to soften an otherwise cruel or harsh term. Many other euphemisms, however, are communicated solely for selfish purposes. Their purpose is to evade, or worse still, to mislead:  “There is a place for euphemism in language, but we have to be careful that eu- phemistic usage doesn’t become a way of evading what really is at issue.” Deborah J. Bennett, “Logic Made Easy: How to Know When Language,” (NY: W.W. Norton & Company, 2004) 18.   “Euphemisms...may not just soften meaning but invert it.” Robert Trivers, “The Folly of Fools: The Logic of Deceit and Self-Deception,” (NY: Basic
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Books, 2011) 161.  MissLed women also overuse euphemisms for their personal gain. They seek credit for communicating in a way perceived as “sensitive,” caring, and polite. In most cases, however, once more, fear is the genuine motivation. In truth, what they most dread is to face a troubling, sometimes harsh, reality:    “I don’t like words that hide the truth. I don’t like words that conceal reality. I don’t like euphemisms, or euphemistic language. And American English is load- ed with euphemisms. Cause Americans have a lot of trouble dealing with reality. Americans have trouble facing the truth, so they invent the kind of a soft lan- guage to protect themselves from it, and it gets worse with every generation...Partly cloudy became partly sunny. Motels became motor lodges. House trailers became mobile homes. Used cars became previously owned transportation. Room service became guest-room dining. And constipation became occasional irregularity. When I was a little kid, if I got sick they wanted me to go to the hospital and see a doctor. Now they want me to go to a health maintenance organization...or a wellness cen- ter to consult a health care delivery professional. Poor people used to live in slums. Now the economically disadvantaged occupy substandard housing in the inner cit- ies. And they’re broke! They’re broke! They don’t have a negative cash-flow position.”  - Legendary Comedian George Carlin  Indeed, the overuse of euphemisms by misguided men and MissLed wom- en has resulted in an absurd dilution of the meaning and impact of many words:  “There is...something that has been aptly called the euphemism treadmill, in which each new euphemism soon becomes tainted by what it refers to so that a new euphemism must be invented to take its place. ‘Garbage collection’ becomes ‘sanita- tion work,’ which morphs into ‘environmental services.’ ‘Toilet’ turns into ‘bath- room’ (so you are washing in there), which turns into ‘restroom’ (so you are taking a nap in there)...It seems as if we are running from the negative connotation of words, with no net progress.” Robert Trivers, “The Folly of Fools: The Logic of Deceit and Self-Deception,” (NY: Basic Books, 2011) 161–162.  Too many MissLed women are misusing and overusing euphemisms (and responding positively to the media’s increasing use of them). Unfortunately, the spread of euphemistic language often buries truth beneath soft-sounding, misleading jargon. Some common examples of MissLed women’s preference for softer-sounding language:    • “Between jobs” (Unemployed) • “Passed to the other side,” or “departed” (Died) • “Sleep with,” or “make love” (Sex) • “Expecting” (Pregnant) • “Pre-owned” (Used) • “Exotic dancer,” in a “Gentleman’s club” (Stripper in a Strip club) • “Bath tissue” (Toilet paper)
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For MissLed women, such euphemisms are used as linguistic brooms, which try to sweep everything unpleasant or frightening - from taxes to sex to death - under the rug. In their world of euphemisms, the most fearful terms, such as death insurance, are mislabeled “life insurance,” while a wom- an’s deliberate indecent exposure is downplayed as a “wardrobe malfunction.”    Doublespeak is language that is deliberately constructed to disguise or distort its actual meaning. It often results in a communication bypass. With their recent significant inroads into many levels of business and government, some MissLed women have adopted this unfortunate habit. Bald euphemisms such as “rightsizing” (firing of many employees) exemplify an increasingly common type of doublespeak. Other examples of doublespeak include:  “New and improved”: Describes a product that is more likely to be small- er, more expensive and less useful.  “Move on”: Spoken by those who want to be able to make the same mis- takes over and over without being held accountable for them.   “Move Forward”: This cliché form of doublespeak is simply unnecessary and meaningless padding (is there another direction but forward?).   Weasel Words are still another form of MissLed women’s misscommu- nication. Weasel words tend to be spoken in a sneaky or underhanded man- ner. Some weasel words attempt to soften the impact of a potentially loaded or otherwise controversial statement through some form of understatement. Others can imply meaning far beyond the claim actually being made. Com- mon weasel words used by MissLed women include “basically,” “maybe,” “might,” “more or less,” “somewhat,” or “not too bad.” 3 common examples of weasel words:  “Clearly...” (As if the premise is undeniably true)  “I heard that...” (Who told you? Is the source reliable?)  “Sorry…” Yet another common misscommunication that is overused or misused by MissLed women. In many of their personal lives, “sorry” is said in order to give the appearance of regret, when it is in fact as a weasel word. It is said for image purposes - so that they appear to be meek and mild. Many of them begin the “sorry” habit or tactic as young girls and continue it into adulthood. Indeed, too often, MissLed women blunder - or, much worse - deliberately misscommunicate - when they choose to insincerely apologize:  “Insincere apologies can be worse than none at all...” “The Act of Apologiz- ing,” by Mary Loftus, Psychology Today, March/April 2013, pg. 68  “Apologizing is one thing; exculpating yourself is quite another...This muddying of the waters of apology is common.” P.M. Forni, “Choosing Civility,” (NY: St. Martin’s Griffin, 2003) 101.  MissLed women apologize too often - or expect too many apologies - because they are too sensitive regarding giving offense, or being offended. In truth, if they would take their cue from the way that some women and most
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men perceive apology, it would help them to take less offense and communi- cate more effectively:  “Men apologize less frequently than women because they have a higher threshold for what constitutes offense.” “The Act of Apologizing,” by Mary Loftus, “Psy- chology Today,” March/April 2013, pg. 68  Other wimpy phrases and weak words commonly heard from MissLed women include:  “That’s sad,” “So sad,” “Hopefully,” “Really?,” “I’ll try,” “I think,” “I wish,” “Like I said,” “Why can’t you?,” “No way!,” “Sort of,” “Pretty Much,” “Pretty sure,” “I guess,” “I’m not sure,” “It doesn’t matter,” and “We’ll see.”  All of these publicly communicate MissLed women’s glaring lack of confi- dence in their convictions and their deficient ability to express their opinions candidly.  There’s another phrase that is quite common among MissLed women: “Wow.”  This is often written or spoken by them when they want to con- vey that they disapprove of what somebody wrote or said. At times, MissLed women say “Wow” to let the other person know that they feel offended or they feel they’ve been badly insulted.  Unsurprisingly, such a term is often not expressed for constructive purposes. In fact, more often, it is said or written in an attempt to shame or manipulate the speaker or writer into silence, dis- avowal, or apology. Finally, there is one most prominent and all-too-common and self-dam- aging, wimpy phrase muttered by MissLed women:   “It’s not fair!”   How naïve that MissLed women expect that any situation - or life in general - should be. To believe in such a statement as an adult, and to speak accordingly, is deluded and misguided. Truth be told:  “Life is not fair. But it isn’t unfair either. It just is.” Jesse Bering, “The Belief Instinct,” (NY: W.W. Norton & Co, 2011) 133.  Indeed, a persistent clamor for fairness is a recurring refrain with MissLed women. To lament and complain about fairness is both childish and inef- fective. It is an unwarranted and unwelcome spreading of misery. Whining about fairness is the kind of language that speaks of MissLed women’s mindset of helplessness. In fact, to complain about unfairness is to communicate that they are more interested in assigning blame to others than in finding solu- tions:  “Many people are frustrated by having an overdeveloped sense of justice; they assume the world...should be fair...This idea of fairness is a product of humanity’s wish to simplify life. But injustice in nature is here to stay. Each person is different; some are mentally deficient and others are geniuses. When she hears about all men being equal, I am sure Mother Nature has to hold back a chuckle.” Riggs Webster Jr., “The You You Don’t Know: Covert Influences on Your Behavior,” (Am-
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herst, NY: Prometheus Books, 1997) 120–121.  MissLed women’s outspoken cries for fairness can be explained by their common belief in the “Just-world” phenomenon. It is a mindset of wishful thinking, wherein people get what they deserve and deserve what they get. Despite the lack of any evidence for a just world anywhere, at any time, some MissLed women often stubbornly insist or demand that the world is supposed to be just.    Yet another mantra-like expression commonly spoken by MissLed women is “Don’t judge!” This PC mantra is also a clamor for their misguided version of fairness. For MissLed women, “Don’t judge!” is expressed nearly any time their or one of their ally’s behavior is under scrutiny. By imploring others to not “judge,” however, they are showing that they don’t understand the dis- tinction between prudent discernment and the unjust and premature judging of others. The former is wise and just, while the latter is unwise and unjust.    Tellingly, some MissLed women use the term “Don’t judge!” as a form of self-defense. They’ll trudge out the phrase and use it like a club in order to silence any suspected detractors. “You have no right to judge me” is usually the word choice they favor. This translates roughly to, “I want to do whatever I want and have no consequences whatsoever... You are raining on my parade by speaking against me doing whatever I want.”   In fairness, an aversion to “judging” isn’t limited to MissLed women. Many Americans suffer from a fear of judging. In their misguided and misinformed mindsets, passing judgment on the behavior of fellow human beings is con- sidered an act of medieval, undemocratic intolerance. Why? Because, the cul- ture says, everyone is flawed, and those with flaws have no right to judge other people’s flaws. Furthermore, many Americans now believe that there are no objective standards by which to judge. Hence, since there are no standards, there is nothing by which they can prudently discern or measure (“judge”) behavior.  Despite this common mentality, however, people do judge. And, they must continue to judge actions. Fair and accurate judgments are, in fact, informed opinions. Prudent, sober minded people determine their judgments after they have made a serious effort to know the facts. Any lazy or biased fool can have opinions; making judgments is the hard work of responsible and compas- sionate people. To not judge actions means that danger signals are too often ignored, or toxic associations often linger.  However, for many Americans, non-judgmentalism is now misconstrued as a virtue: “...for many Americans non-judgmentalism has become a cardinal virtue...’Thou shall be nice’ is the new categorical imperative.” Christina Hoff Sommers and Sally Satel, M.D., “One Nation Under Therapy: How the Helping Culture is Eroding Self-Reliance,” (NY: St Martin’s Griffin, 2005) 6.   Seeped in wrongheaded non-judgmentalism, MissLed women are too
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quick to mislabel or misidentify statements about others as judgmental. Typ- ically, if someone expresses an opinion (especially one they dislike) during an argument, they quickly accuse them of being “judgmental.” In fact, this is wrongheaded. They are actually misconstruing other people’s opinions (which are often encouraged, or even solicited) as judgments. In fact, any judgment made is merely a value decision. Their failure to understand the distinction leads them to throw the valuable baby (fair-minded opinions) out with the bathwater (unfair, hasty judgments). Hence, “I don’t judge!” is exclaimed by MissLed women’s excuse to avoid the effort involved in discernment. This claim can be quite damaging, even dangerous. In fact, the alarming problem now is that many MissLed women and misguided men are not willing to judge when it is appropriate:  “Many people are unwilling to make judgments about what is good and bad, right or wrong, even in matter of great importance, even for themselves - never mind for others or for others as a whole.” Leon Kass, “Life Liberty & the De- fense of Dignity: The Challenge for Bioethics,” (San Francisco, Encounter Books, 2002) 7.  As a result of not judging, too many women miss the blatant red flags raised by the behavior of their co-workers, friends and lovers. This can result in too many associations with undesirable, toxic, or dangerous people. Indeed, a large number of women have forgotten the folk wisdom contained in the cautionary phrase, “If you lie down with dogs, you’ll get fleas”:   “For self-preservation purposes...making moral judgments about others and ourselves is essential to mental and social well-being as well as spiritual and moral grounds.” Paul Pearsall, “The Last Self-Help Book You’ll Ever Need,” (NY: Basic Books, 2005) 6.  In addition to discernments regarding behavior, the careful “judgment” of ideas is also desirable. Despite what many MissLed women proclaim, all ideas are not worthy of respect or attention. In fact, for the good of society, ideas must stand or fall solely on their merits:  “Ideas range in quality from profound to ridiculous, helpful to harmful, enno- bling to degrading. It is therefore appropriate to pass judgment on them. However, fairness demands that you base your judgment on thoughtful consideration of the overall strengths and weaknesses of the ideas, not on your initial impressions or feelings.” Vincent Ruggiero, “Beyond Feelings: A Guide to Critical Thinking,” (NY: McGraw Hill, 2004) 24–25.   Truth is, MissLed women (and many others) misunderstand the often-cit- ed biblical verse of “do not judge, lest you be judged.” Of course, it is more accurately interpreted as, “do not condemn.” In fact, adult citizens have a societal duty to avoid prematurely condemning others. They also have the unpleasant responsibility to not let fear stop them from properly denouncing behaviors that are destructive, harmful, rude, or inconsiderate of others. What
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stops many MissLed women from judging? Many uncritically accept the little-questioned assumption that judgment is somehow “negative,” and therefore undesirable and demeaning to the other people. Unfortunately, too many MissLed women are being cowed by our cul- ture’s “do not judge” norm. They have accepted, often without realizing it, the modern prejudice against prudent judgment (which, ironically, many wrongly disparage as “prejudice.”) Moral cowardice also prevents them from fulfilling their civic responsibility. Instead of speaking or standing up for justice, they refuse to call evil by its right name. Instead, they excuse it, ignore it, or over- look it. They wrongheadedly assume that those that are indisputably behaving badly are really just wounded souls, who can be healed with compassion and unconditional love. However, non-communication of judgment merely serves to enable those who behave badly to keep doing so - without shame, and without fear of being “judged.”  A similar misguided proclamation of supposed virtue that many MissLed women proudly insist on proclaiming of themselves:  “I’m a tolerant person”:  Conveniently, it is a phrase that is sufficiently vague that they can plausibly claim it whenever it suits them. Some MissLed women, who proclaim their support for “tolerance,” merely do so to seek popularity. They are only wearing a pretentious mask of virtue. Others who communicate “tolerance” are, in fact, masking their arrogance:  “Tolerance’ of other people and their way of being in the world suggest a subtle form of superiority to anyone else’s.” (when it is often, in fact, arrogance a feel- ing of superiority and/or ignorance of the bad side of “tolerating” sometimes subtle, yet evil, behaviors). Richard Carlson, “You Can Be Happy No Matter What,” (Novato, CA: New World Library, 2006) 53.   When discussing someone’s opinion or judgment that displeases them, MissLed women too often use the phrase, “That’s your opinion,” or - even more condescendingly - “You’re entitled to your opinion.” The trouble with these phrases is that they wrongly imply that all opinions are valuable:  “Common sayings (such) as ‘Isn’t that just a matter of opinion?’ and ‘Everyone has a right to their opinion’ and ‘Well, that may be your view, but I have a right to my opinion’ seem to suggest that one opinion is just as good as another. But because our beliefs guide our attitudes and actions, that view is simply not correct.” Trudy Govier, “A Practical Study of Argument” (Belmont, CA: Wadsorth, Ceneage Learning, 2010) 4.   These phrases can be indicative of some MissLed women’s arrogant un- willingness to sincerely and respectfully consider the other’s point of view. Meanwhile, the same MissLed women will insist that their concerns are lis- tened to, and that their opinions truly matter - however undeserving and whimsical they may be:
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“Certainly, anyone can have an opinion on any subject, but uniformed opin- ions are nearly worthless. An opinion is just a statement of personal whim and preference, and need not be based in the slightest on logic, fact, intelligence, or good reason.” John D. Mullen, “Hard Thinking: The Reintroduction of Logic into Everyday Life,” (Lanham, MD: Lowman & Littlefield Publishing Group, 1995) 104–105.  MissLed women also misguidedly feel that their entitlement to express an opinion implies that it is prudent for them to always express it:  “Is everyone entitled to his or her opinion? In a free country, this is not only per- mitted but guaranteed...Free societies are based on the wise observation that people have an inalienable right to think their own thoughts and make their own choices. That fact in no way suggests that the thoughts they think and the choices they make will be reasonable.” John D. Mullen, “Hard Thinking: The Reintroduction of Logic into Everyday Life,” (Lanham, MD: Lowman & Littlefield Publishing Group, 1995) 105.  In other words, MissLed women’s opinions lack proper grounding in reali- ty. Too often, for MissLed women, when they offer misguided ideas, solutions, or suggestions in simplistic language, it only hurts their causes and damages their reputations. Indeed, partisanship and passion (instead of logic and rea- son) too often drives their desire to express their opinion:  “It is dangerous to be careless and freewheeling about our opinions. What we think is important. Our thinking affects how we understand ourselves, conduct our lives, and interact with the world in which we live. The point of arguing and evaluating arguments is to reach opinions based on reasoned reflection and good judgment.” Trudy Govier, "A Practical Study of Argument,” (Belmont, CA: Wadsorth, Ceneage Learning, 2010) 4.  “The problem with ‘I’m entitled to my opinion’ is that, all too often, it’s used to shelter beliefs that should have been abandoned. It becomes shorthand for, ‘I can say or think whatever I like’ – and, by extension, continuing to argue is...some- how disrespectful. And this attitude feeds, I suggest, into the false equivalence be- tween experts and non-experts that is an increasingly pernicious feature of our public discourse.” “No, you’re not entitled to your opinion,” by Patrick Stokes, 5 October 2012, http://theconversation.com/no-youre-not-entitled-to-your- opinion-9978  “People have always taken their opinions seriously, but today many embrace their opinions with extraordinary passion. ‘I have a right to my opinion’ and ‘Ev- eryone’s entitled to his or her opinion’ are common expressions. Question anoth- er person’s opinion and you’re likely to hear, ‘Well, that’s my O-P-I-N-I-O-N.’ The unspoken message is ’Case closed.” Vincent Ruggiero, “Beyond Feelings: A Guide to Critical Thinking,” (NY: McGraw Hill, 2004) 51.  The overly passionate and careless expression of opinions is reflected by the language of underdeveloped and unenlightened MissLed minds.
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While misscommunication can happen with the expressions of opinions, it also can happen because of some MissLed women’s frivolous word choices. Two of the most common phrases among immature MissLed women are:  “Whatever”: “Whatever...the expression that virtually defines a generation. Apathetic. Dismissive. Compliant. Without passion, affect, or energy. It’s the sound of hostility and resignation rolled into one locution.” Hara Estroff Marano, “A Nation of Wimps,” (NY, Broadway Books, 2008) 158.  “Whatever” is often verbalized by MissLed women who seek to shut down a discussion. Similarly, within an argument, they express it in an attempt to avoid difficult, controversial subjects or hurt feelings. Most seriously, “what- ever” can be said to express their arrogant declaration of contempt. It can also be an indication of their cowardly and dishonest inability to admit their own errors or failures. Regardless of their intentions, MissLed women often accompany “whatever” with an eye roll and a wave of the hand.   “Just Sayin’”: A puckish disclaimer that MissLed women tend to convey as a pre-emptive strike. “Just sayin’” is MissLed women’s cynical denial of concern or engagement. It is often used sarcastically and passive-aggressively. Their message essentially is, “I have no vested interest in what I’ve just said. The preceding thought was meant only to be informative and, in fact, I might not even believe what I just said.” When used as the last phrase in a comment, “just sayin’” seeks to disavow responsibility for the preceding communication. Ironically, the results from this communication are often self-defeating. The recipients certainly are rarely fooled. Many quickly and accurately perceive “just sayin’” as obnoxious and flippant. If MissLed women persist on using this term, they will again lose respect and credibility. If they do not stand by what they say, then their words will justly be seen as having no weight. People won’t stand by them or their statements either. In plain - it is cowardly for them to speak or write in such a fashion. If they are too afraid to face criticism for their words, then they are better served to remain silent:    “Its risibility is clear. If you didn’t mean what you said or if there was no import to it, don’t say it. Why say it? Don’t say it. But worse than that, you obviously did mean what you said so don’t veil it with pretending you didn’t.” “Phrases To Be Banned: Just Sayin’,” by Joshua David Stein, May 18, 2009, http://gawker. com/5259560/phrases-to-be-banned-just-sayin  With society fully immersed in political correctness, people are hesitant to express a thought or opinion if it’s likely to be interpreted as “negative,” “mean,” or “offensive.” The phrase “just sayin’” attempts to be a quick way to negate a provocative statement. It seeks to let the listener know, “Hey, no hard feelings intended. What I just said was harsh, but it’s the truth. Don’t be mad.” It indicates how little stomach many MissLed women have for people to dislike them. MissLed women look to it as their fire escape, to allow them to avoid any repercussions from any insult taken from what they say. Simply
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put, it’s a cowardly euphemism for “Don’t shoot the messenger.”  Similarly, “just kidding” or “only kidding” are also cowardly phrases too often expressed by MissLed women. They will exclaim them when, in truth, they tend to be resentful, insecure, or, even worse, their intention is to put another person down. It is a tactical expression, used when they try to cover their tracks:  “Whenever you hear ‘I was only kidding,’ what you are really hearing is ‘I am not kidding: I am resentful, insecure, or just plain angry at you - and that is no joke.” Lillian Glass, “Toxic People,” (NY: St. Martin’s Press, 1995) 34.  “People who say or do a mean thing to you, then tell you that they were 'only kidding' are revealing a lot. They are telling you how negatively they really feel about you.” Lillian Glass, “Toxic People,” (NY: St. Martin’s Press, 1995) 33.  Ironically, “just” is often spoken for unjust purposes. “Just” is often said in an attempt minimize what was previously said, or downplay that which will shortly be said. MissLed women who misuse this term tend to lack con- fidence and conviction in their opinions or statements. In fact, they often utilize “Just...” to rationalize, or explain away, what are, in fact, misleading notions. Two examples are:  “Just friends”: Some MissLed women use this phrase to deny that they are in a romantic or sexual relationship. The “just friends” exclamation is their attempt to convince others of the platonic nature of a relationship with a man. Quite often, however, MissLed women are aware such men are not, in fact, content with being “just friends.”    “Just Have Fun”: MissLed women’s all-too-common expression of their desire for fun and pleasure. Unfortunately for them, MissLed women who seek to “just have fun” often find genuine happiness elusive. Their common use of this phrase shows that many fundamentally misunderstand the differ- ence between mere pleasant experiences and authentic happiness:   “Sometimes we confuse having fun with being happy. The latter is virtually im- possible without a personal history of restraint and discipline. Sometimes in order to reach happiness we must forgo fun.” P.M. Forni, “Choosing Civility,” (NY: St. Martin’s Griffin, 2003) 21.   Perhaps the most telling and disturbing indication of MissLed women’s problem with misscommunication lies with their misguided adoption of lingo from the likes of Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton and their ilk:    “Let’s toss out the ‘likes’ and the ‘OMGs’ and replace them with wittiness and aptitude. Let’s speak lovely, ingenious words that make others sit up and take notice. Let’s flip off the tube and crack open a book.” Jordan Christy, “How to be a Hep- burn in a Hilton World,” (NY: Hatchette Book Group, 2009) 65.  Four of the most common Hiltonisms that many MissLed women embrace include:  “Amazing”: This seems to be the only adjective many MissLed women
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seem to know. They (over) use it to describe anything and everything. They seem unaware of its many synonyms, which include: wonderful, fantastic, brilliant, exceptional, excellent, incredible, unique, awe-inspiring, or terrific. Most often, ironically, what they are describing as “amazing” is something that is merely above average. This fact, and the overuse of this word, serves to diminish any impact that they may have meant to convey by saying or writing it. In fact, the nauseatingly consistent overuse of “amazing” further demon- strates their mental laziness and lack of originality with words and phrases.   “Like”: This juvenile word is spoken by MissLed women (and many mis- guided men) in order to buy time. The “like” pause in speech allows them to think in mid-sentence. A “like” is needed by them because they mistakenly place insufficient emphasis on thinking before speaking. Many lack the ability to hold a listener’s attention. As a result of “likes”, they are unable to fluently structure thoughts into expressive sentences.   Unsurprisingly, perceptive clients, bosses, and key members of their work environment are quite unimpressed by anyone who uses the word “like.” It is seen by them as an indication of flightiness, poor vocabulary and unim- pressive overall communication skills. A “like” habit indicates that they lack confidence in their ability to express or write their own thoughts (people tend to write like they speak).   “OMG!”: “Oh My Gawd!” Another overused, childish-sounding phrase too prevalent among MissLed women. All-too-often, they say or write “OMG!” to exaggeratedly express various emotions - such as surprise, anger, outrage, exasperation, delight, fright, shock, or fascination. Despite its obvi- ous silliness, those who seek attention for their dramatizing insist in express- ing it far too frequently.  “BFF”: MissLed women describe their supposed “Best Friend Forever” with this acronym. Tellingly, they conveniently expect their “BFF” to always be there for them. Consistent with their MissLed mindset, their BFFs must always and forever “support” them, and must never “judge” them. Further, they must unconditionally love and accept them as they are.   As these four Hiltonisms demonstrate, too many MissLed women are wandering around sounding like empty-headed valley girls. It demonstrates that they too often misscommunicate from a dangerous combination of flip- pant ignorance and misplaced arrogance. Many are even unjustly proud to speak this way - perfectly content with their utter failure to maturely and effectively communicate.  Misscommunication is also indicated by seven “I” phrases that exemplify some MissLed women’s self-absorption:  “I’m spiritual”: This is a vague, safe, and noble-sounding declaration. MissLed women who claim to be “spiritual” signify their emotional attach- ment to a belief in a benevolent higher power. Many do so in order to project
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to others an image of depth and goodness. In their worldview, a person who longs for meaning and truth is one of value. For some MissLed women, how- ever, this phrase can indicate quite something else: their egotism. In fact, pro- claiming themselves “spiritual” can conveniently serve whatever purposes they deem fit. Today, a reputation as a “spiritual” woman (instead of a religious one) is desired by some MissLed women in order to appear to others as deep and sophisticated. It has the additional convenient benefit of requiring nothing of them in terms of sacrifices or rituals. Such a vague declaration enables them to avoid the challenges of being accountable to a community:  “Being a spiritual Lone Ranger fits the tenor of our times,’ says June-Ann Gree- ley, a theology and philosophy professor. ‘Religion demands that we accord to human existence some absolutes and eternal truths, and in a post-modern culture, that be- comes all but impossible,” says Greeley, who teaches at Sacred Heart University in Connecticut…’It’s much easier for 'spiritual' people to go on 'spiritual walkabouts,' Greeley says. ‘People seem not to have the time nor the energy or interest to delve deeply into any one faith or religious tradition,’ Greeley says. ‘So they move through, collecting ideas and practices and tenets that most appeal to the self, but making no connections to groups or communities.’ …’Religion is hard,’ he says. ‘Sometimes it’s just too much work. People don’t feel like it. I have better things to do with my time. It’s plain old laziness.” “Are there dangers in being ‘spiritual but not religious?” June 03, 2010 by John Blake, CNN http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/personal/06/03/spiritual. but.not.religious/index.html Proclaiming themselves “spiritual,” then, is some MissLed women’s way to express their desire for meaning and purpose without the need to incur unpleasant obligations:  “...they do not want to be excessively bound by the moral teachings imposed by religion, even though they are perfectly free to enter and exit the denomination of the choice whenever they wish.” Francis Fukurama, “The Great Disruption: Human Nature and the Reconstitution of Social Order,” (NY: Touchstone, 1999) 48.  “I’m a nice person”: Most people proclaim themselves “nice” - including nearly all MissLed woman. Of course, the truth is that even those who act with cruelty are often oblivious of it, or in denial of any wrongdoing. Few malevolent or selfish people see themselves objectively:  “Even people who appear aggressive, stubborn, and selfish see themselves (or wish they could) as nice people.” Richard Carlson, “You Can Be Happy No Mat- ter What,” (Novato, CA: New World Library, 2006) 88.  “I work hard”:  This claim is stated as if it is a badge of pride by nearly every gainfully employed MissLed woman. In truth, what’s really the case for most isn’t accurately described as hard work. Many are merely in the self-im- posed habit of moving through life quickly. After completing their work
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for the day, they tend to fill their remaining schedule with various activities (many of which are voluntary or even trivial.) Many are doing so out of their misunderstanding of which of their chosen tasks are essential, and which are better done without. Their choice to opt for constant busyness gives them the misimpression that they “work hard.” When they make this claim, however, they not only exaggerate their own workload, but also demonstrate their ig- norance of what hard work really entails - difficult, sometimes exhausting, physical exertion. Who then, actually works hard? Combat soldiers, coal min- ers, nurses, oil riggers, fishermen and ditch diggers.   “I’m stressed out”: Often, this communication immediately follows the equally dubious claim of “I work hard.” This is yet another example of MissLed women’s silly propensity for exaggeration. Often, this overly dramatic phrase is vaguely or sloppily employed, when, in fact, MissLed women merely feel somewhat flustered:  “How many times have you heard the statement, ‘I got stressed out today?’  What does that statement really mean? Was it ‘I felt overwhelmed’ or ‘I was really angry’ or ‘I was tired?’ Instead of using a more precise word to describe our situation, we just substitute the word ‘stress.’ Instead of ‘Things were busy today’ we say ‘It was a stressful day. Instead of ‘I got frustrated at the boss,’ it becomes, ‘The boss stressed me out.’ We often use the word stress when we mean we are physically tense, but even the tension reflects something else, such as fear or anger or exhaustion. In other words, stress is used in incredibly sloppy ways. It is both the something that happens to us (boss yells a lot), or it is our emotional reaction to the something that happens to us (boss yells a lot).” Scott Sheperd, Ph. D., “Who’s in Charge: Attacking the Stress Myth,” (Highland City, FL: Rainbow Books, 2003) 15.  In fact, they will often claim to be “stressed out” when they are actually merely dealing with a mild challenge. Some MissLed women proclaim it in order to deflect away responsibility:  “But how real is stress? ...The word ‘stress’ ... is meant to convey a highly subjec- tive psychological condition, which in turn is meant to lift the burden of responsi- bility for the quality of our thinking and decisions from our shoulders.” Michael R. LeGault, “Th!nk: Why Crucial Decisions Can't be Made in the Blink of an Eye,” (NY: Threshold Editions, 2006) 161.  Other MissLed women blame “stress” for many of their self-inflicted prob- lems:  “Stress has gone from a psychological process, during which certain hormones are released into the body, to some vague, malevolent force running rampant in life. In fact, stress now means so many different things, I don’t think it means anything at all. And yet we blame stress for most of our problems.” Scott Sheperd, Ph. D., “Who’s in Charge: Attacking the Stress Myth,” (Highland City, FL: Rain- bow Books, 2003) 14.  “We are born to be stressed. Stress has virtually become a dirty word, synon-
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ymous with trauma, but that’s only because so many people don’t handle it well or even understand its function. Stress is a necessary accompaniment to daily life. Under normal conditions, we are primed to tolerate stress, and at manageable lev- els stress forces maturation and integration. It stimulates self-organization. It is a motivator and encourages us to reach beyond our current level of accommodation to life.” Hara Estroff Marano, “A Nation of Wimps,” (NY, Broadway Books, 2008) 211–212.  There are three additional misscommunications that are indicative of MissLed women’s aversion to uncomfortable or difficult situations in conver- sation:   “I’ve been busy,”    “I’ll call you,” and   “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.”    Simply put, these are often flaccid attempts to avoid responsibility for their rude behavior or harsh words.  MissLed women’s propensity for wishful thinking can also affect how they communicate. In fact, there are 2 popular misscommunication phrases that reflect MissLed women’s wishful thinking. They are:  “Follow your dreams,” or, similarly, “You can be anything you want to be.”   These expressions are misleading, even cruel, fairy tales. They are perpet- uated by the two principal dream sellers - Hollywood and the corporate media. Unfortunately, MissLed women tend to eagerly embrace and promote them (especially to their children). They want so very much to believe that:    “The Horatio Alger dream is alive and well.” Eva S. Moskowitz, “In Therapy We Trust: America’s Obsession with Self,” (Baltimore: Johns Hopkins Press, 2001) 27.  In fact, the Horatio Alger myth conveys three basic messages:  Each person is judged solely on her or his own merits.  We each have a fair opportunity to develop those merits.  Ultimately, merit will out.   Each of these messages, to be charitable, is problematic in a society where trust and social justice are difficult to measure. In truth, then, “Follow your dreams” is a misleadingly simplistic expression. Those who pronounce it fail to understand the gravity of the task. To reach “dreams” most people will be required to make huge sacrifices, and entail great risks. Many MissLed women are either are unaware of this or simply don’t want to believe it. Truth is, it is often better to let go of a dream and put one’s energies toward more realistic goals:  “In truth, if you happen to lack talent at whatever it is you want in life, and if you never stop trying to attain it, you will spend your life feeling like a movie with an out-of-sync soundtrack.” “How to Ditch a Dream,” by Augusten Burroughs, Psychology Today, May/June 2012, pg. 29–30.
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“It’s not truth that you can do whatever you set your mind to. It is a lie that with hard work and perseverance, you can achieve anything.” “How to Ditch a Dream,” by Augusten Burroughs, Psychology Today, May/June 2012, pg. 31.    Truth be told, most people don’t - and won’t - live a dream life. Many don’t even have dreams. For most “dreams” are a luxury they can’t afford. In many ways, not holding on to a “dream” is a prudent choice:  “To hew to unrealizable goals and impossible dreams of perfection is to guar- antee a perpetual sense of inadequacy…” Judith Viorst, “Necessary Losses: The Loves, Illusions, Dependencies, and Impossible Expectations That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Grow,” (NY: Ballantine Books, 1986) 165.  In fact, most people cope with circumstances and make the best lives they can - which can hardly be described as a “dream.” Some people even have to survive long periods that can best be described as nightmares.   Mature men and women realize the difference between unrealistic dreams and practical possibilities:  “Growing up means narrowing the distance between our dreams and our possi- bilities.” Judith Viorst, “Necessary Losses: The Loves, Illusions, Dependencies, and Impossible Expectations That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Grow,” (NY: Ballantine Books, 1986) 166.    “Growing up means letting go of the dreams of our childhood...Growing up means gaining the wisdom and skills to get what we want within the limitations imposed by reality - a reality which consists of diminished powers, restricted free- doms and, with the people we love, imperfect connections.” Judith Viorst, “Nec- essary Losses: The Loves, Illusions, Dependencies, and Impossible Expecta- tions That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Grow,” (NY: Ballantine Books, 1986) 175.  Unfortunately, there are two other all-too-common phrases that reflect some MissLed women’s wishful thinking:  “Everything happens for a reason”: Yeah, sure it does. MissLed women fervently wish this to be true. However, hundreds of millions of people’s lives consist of relentless, inexplicable pain and despair. Life has often been, and continues to be, cruel and unpredictable for many. This implies that there’s likely not a reason for things to happen - at least, not for a great many peo- ple. For MissLed women, this may be an understandable lie that they tell to themselves. Perhaps, for them, this wishful thinking helps them cope with the mysterious and seemingly random parts of life. On the other hand, to tell such a thing to a child is most cruel. It influences some children to unrealis- tically expect magical patterns of meaning and reason. This is a recipe for a premature disillusionment in their life, as soon as they discover that what they were told is patently false.  “It’s a Miracle”: A case of misguided hyperbole exclaimed by MissLed women to describe events that are, in fact, quite ordinary, everyday experienc-
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es. This is typically exclaimed every time a baby is born, or someone survives by good fortune.    Two phrases signify how uncomfortable many MissLed women are with what they perceive to be criticism or skepticism. “Don’t be negative!” are the increasingly common refrains from them. These phrases are consistent with MissLed women’s strong preference for pos- itivity. Unfortunately for them, however, what they mislabel as cynical or neg- ative commentary can be quite valuable. In fact, skeptical analysis of informa- tion or of new acquaintances is an extremely effective way to avoid pain, costly mistakes, or even personal danger. So called “negativity” can be also prove to be quite useful. History contains numerous tragic examples where the con- trarian or devil’s advocate view was ignored or suppressed. If the “negative” views were paid proper heed, avoidable disasters could have been prevented.     Some miscommunications are accidental, while others are deliberate. When it comes to discussing a sexual encounter, too many MissLed wom- en deliberately misscommunicate. In fact, they often seek to avoid personal responsibility by the words they choose to use. Many describe casual sex in euphemistic, misleading language:   “One thing led to another...”  This phrase is often followed by:  “I slept with...” - A euphemism that downplays what really happened - sex. The fact that a person “slept with” another hardly gets to the crux of the matter.  Finally, the regrettable sexual experience is typically explained away after- ward as:  “It just happened...” This really appeals to MissLed women’s desire to avoid responsibility.  It also appeals to their delusional belief in fate and destiny. Again, their wishful thinking leads them to speak in terms that include too much immature, childish use of phrases and language.     Maturity in communication is essential for modern adults. Articulating words clearly and effectively is a must for those women and men who strive to deal with a difficult issue that needs discussion. As described in the 2012 book “Crucial Conversations,” such a talk involves:  “A discussion between two or more people where (1) stakes are high, (2) opinions vary, and (3) emotions run high.” Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron Mc- Millan, Al Switzler, “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High,” (NY: McGraw-Hill, 2012) 3.  Unfortunately for MissLed women, however, they too often lack the emo- tional control and fortitude required to engage in crucial conversations:  “When conversations turn from routine to crucial, we’re often in trouble. That’s because emotions don’t exactly prepare us to converse effectively.” Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, “Crucial Conversations: Tools
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for Talking When Stakes are High,” (NY: McGraw-Hill, 2012) 5.  Since these are often the discussions MissLed women dread the most, they often sidestep them. They are so fearful because they anticipate that such talks will be confrontational. Such an aversion costs them significantly - they they forfeit a golden opportunity to influence.  As a consequence of this communication weakness, MissLed women place themselves in a perilous position in all aspects of their lives:  “Twenty years of research involving more than 100,000 people reveals that the key skill of effective leaders, teammates, parents, and loved ones is the capac- ity to address emotionally and politically risky issues. Period.” Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, Second Edition,” (NY: McGraw-Hill, 2012) 10.  Ironically, MissLed women’s avoidance of crucial conversations and their inability to communicate effectively harm MissLed women where most of them find their greatest satisfaction - their personal relationships:   “Much of male-female relationships involve an almost constant struggle to see situations and interpret comments from the other person’s point of view.” Zachary Shore, “Blunder: Why Smart People Make Bad Decisions,” (NY: Blooms- bury USA, 2008) 163.   Limited by their unclear and ineffective communication, they are left un- able to stand up firmly for their wants and needs in a relationship. According to Boston family therapist Terrence Real:  “Most people don’t have the skill to speak up for and fight for what they want in a relationship...They don’t speak up, which preserves the love but builds resentment. Resentment is a choice; living resentfully means living unhappily. Or they speak up — but are not very loving. Or they just complain. The art to speaking up is to transform a complaint into a request. Not ‘I don’t like how you’re talking to me,’ but ‘Can you please lower your voice so I can hear you better? If you’re trying to get what you want in a relationship...it’s best to keep it positive and future-focused.” “Are You with the Right Mate?” By Rebecca Webber, published on January 01, 2012 http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201112/are-you-the- right-mate?page=5  MissLed women would be far better served to speak with more forethought and discretion - especially in public - until they grow sufficiently skilled in speaking forthrightly, maturely, and eloquently.  Why Does MissCommunication Matter? Why is the ability to communicate well so important? Communicating effec- tively is critical for those who want to become more persuasive, more mem- orable and much harder to manipulate. Simply put, status and respect are granted to those who communicate effectively. This applies both to men and
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women, at work and in the home. Those who don’t bother to communicate clearly are justly perceived as insincere and unworthy of respect:  “The great enemy of clear language is insincerity.” - George Orwell, “Poli- tics and the English Language and Other Essays” (Oxford: Oxford U. Press, 2009) 18.  With women taking on increasing responsibility in media and govern- ment, now, more than ever, well-reasoned, clear, eloquent, and communica- tion from women is needed to compliment the male majority that is well-en- trenched in the public domain:  “Men’s voices and opinions dominate our news, our policy debates, and our po- litical discourse.” Christine K. Jahnke, “The Well-Spoken Woman,” (Amherst, NY: Prometheus Books, 2011) 10.  “It’s not that a woman’s perspective is better. What matters is that is differ- ent.” Christine K. Jahnke, “The Well-Spoken Woman,” (Amherst, NY: Pro- metheus Books, 2011) 15.  The good news is that ineffective communication skills are repairable. MissLed women have the capability to overcome the challenges involved:  “Our misunderstandings are often ‘mis-listenings’, themselves resulting from ‘mis-expressions,’ ‘ill-spokens’ and ‘unspokens.’ We are capable of learning to speak with sensitivity, force, and truth.” Thomas d’Ansembourg, “Being Genuine,” (Encinitas, CA:  PuddleDancer Press, 2007) 43.
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(Intuitive Thinking, Egocentric Thinking, Wishful Thinking, PC Thinking)    “Truth springs from argument among friends.” - David Hume  “S o what is an argument? An argument is made up of two things: the point you believe and the reasons why you believe it.” Christopher W. Dicarlo, “How to Become a Really Good Pain In The Ass,” (Amherst, NY: Prometheus Books, 2010) 26.   In today’s world, personal and professional success is largely tied to a person’s persuasiveness. Much of persuasion lies in the ability or inability to effectively construct - and deconstruct - arguments:  “Whether you sense it or not, argument surrounds you. It plays with your emo- tions, changes your attitude, talks you into a decision, and goads you to buy things. Argument lies behind political labeling, advertising, jargon, voices, gestures, and guilt trips...” Christopher W. Dicarlo, “How to Become a Really Good Pain In The Ass,” (Amherst, NY: Prometheus Books, 2010) 4.   In a dialogue or discussion, an argument is a coherent structure of ideas. The rational reasons that support a position must be included. Given the vital role of the ability to persuade others by argument, MissLed women’s inability to scrutinize, construct and effectively communicate an argument is a major liability for them.   Women can choose between two primary methods in order to persuade others. The first is to emphasize argument - thought-provoking, creative, constructive, trust-building, civil, and respectful. The second is to emphasize manipulation - destructive, trust-destroying and disrespectful. All-too-of- ten, MissLed women choose the latter. They seek to convince by stridently expressing a mere opinion and then attempt to manipulate the other person (often via guilt). Not surprisingly, such a tactic results in the expression of numerous uninformed and easily dismissed opinions. It follows, then, that far too few MissLed women are able to articulate quality arguments:  “Whatever your opinions, beliefs, ideas, or understanding, you need to realize
Argument Aggravation
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that unless you can formulate them into arguments, you have nothing more than unjustified opinions. Avoid being caught in such a circumstance because it demon- strates weakness in your ability to focus your thoughts and articulate or discuss your ideas in an intelligent manner.” Christopher W. Dicarlo, “How to Become a Really Good Pain In The Ass,” (Amherst, NY: Prometheus Books, 2010) 26.  Misled by media messages, misguided by their friends, and misadvised by their families, MissLed women’s aggravations with arguments are shown by their muddled conduct:    “Most people do not understand the correct use of arguments by inference and the proper use of logical forms, so they conduct themselves in a random, overly reac- tive, or muddled fashion and are easily misled.” Epictetus, Sharon Lebell, “The Art of Living: The Classical Manual on Virtue, Happiness, and Effective- ness,” (NY: HarperCollins, 1995) 106.   From adolescence through adulthood, parents, mentors and the media failed to ensure that MissLed women learned the requisite skills involved with argument. They also did a poor job of emphasizing the critical role that argu- ment skills play in most successful people’s lives.     Another main reason that few MissLed women develop argument skills is the amount of effort required. Arguing effectively is a skill - one which requires considerable practice and effort to acquire. Instead of developing this skill into a potent personal habit, however, MissLed women too often choose the easier path - that of manipulation.  As a consequence, they don’t earn the respect and prestige granted to those women and men who labor to build effective arguments for their position. In fact, too many resort to the easier, but far less benevolent tactic of manipu- lation to try to get the results they want. Another factor in MissLed women’s struggle with argument lies in their frequent miscomprehension of the mean- ing of the word itself. This is understandable, as the word “argument” is often interpreted to mean a verbal dispute or disagreement. The key distinction, however, lies between making an argument and having an argument:   “Public discourse requires making an argument for a point of view, not having an argument - as in having a fight.” Deborah Tannen, “The Argument Cul- ture: Stopping America’s War of Words,” (NY: Ballantine Books, 1999) 4.  In some MissLed women’s minds, however, the term argument, no matter the context, triggers negative emotions - hence, they seek to avoid it. Of course, completely avoiding conflict or “negativity” is unrealistic and coun- terproductive. In fact, the avoidance of engagement in discussions without argument involves dangerous wishful thinking:  “So often, people need to talk, but they don’t know how. Instead, they tiptoe around problem issues and difficult individuals, hoping somehow a miraculous change for the good will occur all by itself.” Lee Raffel, “I Hate Conflict,” (NY: McGraw-Hill, 2008) 5.
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 MissLed women, then, are unwise to not put in the effort to build the skills needed to find the faults within poor arguments. Nor do they warrant the praise reserved for those who are able to dismantle a quality one:   “To dismantle an argument requires careful consideration and critical anal- ysis.” Christopher W. Dicarlo, “How to Become a Really Good Pain In The Ass,” (Amherst, NY: Prometheus Books, 2010) 30.   Even into middle-age, MissLed women too often lack the necessary con- fidence, knowledge and accrued skills that are necessary to argue well. This limits them in many aspects of life - in negotiation, in communication, in personal relationships, and in their workplace. All too often, instead of argu- ing fairly, skillfully and constructively, MissLed women resort to logical falla- cies and other, less constructive methods, including:  Needling: MissLed women’s attempt to make the other person angry, without any effort to address the argument at hand. They commonly use nee- dling as a delaying tactic.  Argument From Adverse Consequences (Appeal To Fear, Scare Tac- tics): When MissLed women claim their opponent’s argument must be wrong, because if it is right, adverse results would occur. For example: “God must exist, because a godless society would be lawless and dangerous.”   Argument By Emotive Language (Appeal To The People): When MissLed women attempt to use emotionally loaded words to sway other’s sentiments. The emotions targeted (and often successfully triggered) by such language include anger, spite, and envy.    Appeal To Coincidence: When MissLed women assert or conclude that a result is due to chance, when, in truth, the evidence strongly suggests other- wise (the result stems merely from a misunderstood coincidence.)   Appeal to Righteous Indignation: MissLed women who claim to be of- fended in an attempt to quell an argument. Such claims can damage potential agreements, shutdown discussions, and even increase the potential of vio- lence:   “An Appeal to Righteous Indignation is a logical fallacy in which a person claims to be offended, insulted, or hurt by criticism of a proposition they hold, or by the advancement of a proposition with which they disagree. The expected con- sequence of the demonstration of the verbal or physical behavior associated with righteous indignation is that no further discussion or criticism is allowed.”  “Indignation Is Not Righteous: The Twin Fallacies of Appeal to Righteous Indignation and Appeal to Sanctity.” by Gary Longsine and Peter Boghos- sian, September 27, 2012, http://www.csicop.org/specialarticles/show/indig- nation_is_not_righteous/   “Intrinsic to an Appeal to Righteous Indignation is the notion that attacks on an idea are morally equivalent to verbal or physical attacks on people, that an attack on an idea justifies a response at least proportionate to an attack on a person.
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Credible threats of violence often accompany displays of righteous indignation and are sometimes viewed as justified by members of the community.” “Indignation Is Not Righteous: The Twin Fallacies of Appeal to Righteous Indignation and Appeal to Sanctity,” by Gary Longsine and Peter Boghossian, September 27, 2012, http://www.csicop.org/specialarticles/show/indignation_is_not_righ- teous/  MissLed women’s misuse of the Appeal to Righteous Indignation can un- dermine potentially reasonable compromises and displace thoughtful analy- sis:  “Righteous indignation undermines civil discourse and often corrodes efforts aimed at reasonable compromise. When righteous indignation is invoked, con- versation stops and violence may begin. For the indignant party, reason may be suspended. Righteous indignation muddles thinking, elevates emotional reactions to primacy in the discourse, and displaces its alternative: impassioned, reasoned, thoughtful analysis.” “Indignation Is Not Righteous: The Twin Fallacies of Appeal to Righteous Indignation and Appeal to Sanctity,” by Gary Longsine and Peter Boghossian, September 27, 2012, http://www.csicop.org/specialar- ticles/show/indignation_is_not_righteous/  Appeal to Sanctity: MissLed women who seek to derail an argument with a claim that a subject matter or belief is sacred, and therefore, off limits:  “The salient feature of an Appeal to Sanctity is that it is employed as a shield against the critique of an idea or even a wholesale ideological critique. An Ap- peal to Sanctity is a claim that one must not critique an idea because the idea in question is sacrosanct, holy, or sacred. In other words, an Appeal to Sanctity, re- duced to its simplest form, asserts as a moral virtue the claim that an idea is beyond critique.” “Indignation Is Not Righteous: The Twin Fallacies of Appeal to Righteous Indignation and Appeal to Sanctity,” by Gary Longsine and Pe- ter Boghossian, September 27, 2012, http://www.csicop.org/specialarticles/ show/indignation_is_not_righteous/  Appeal to Mystery: This is exclaimed with the intent to shut down further inquiry by claiming that a particular truth is unattainable. It says, “This might be wrong,” not in order to replace one theory with a better theory, but in order to replace one theory with no theory at all. The Appeal to Mystery is conve- niently untestable, as it offers as an explanation something that is mysterious, and hence untestable by definition. Mystery also tends to invoke drama and tension - both of which some MissLed women often find very appealing. In addition, this fallacy appeals to some women’s love of romance - in this case, the romance of the unknowable.  Non Sequitur: In Latin, “It does not follow.” An argument in which its conclusion does not follow from its premises. While the conclusion could be either true or false, the argument remains fallacious because there is a discon- nection between the premise and the conclusion. For example, some MissLed
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women insist that one of their beliefs is of great help to many people. Soon after, they prematurely claim that such a benevolent belief must undoubtedly be true.   Argument By Poetic Language: For MissLed women, if it sounds beautiful or “good,” it must be right. This is a fallacy where style seeks to triumph over substance. Their favorite songs often use this to try to gain credibility and popularity with their sweet words or melodies. “All you need is love,” and “Imagine” are two well-known examples.    Euphemism: MissLed women too often choose to use certain words only because they sound better. This allows them to avoid the consequences of direct language. Two common examples of their use of euphemistic language: “That doesn’t look too bad,” or “Let’s just be friends.”  Changing The Subject (Digression, Red Herring, Misdirection, False Emphasis): At times, MissLed women change the subject to deflect away at- tention. Such a diversionary tactic may be obstructive or obtuse. In either case, the goal is to avoid the need to defend a claim, or to avoid having to make good on a promise. In order for this to be effective, others must lack the ability to identify this as the misdirection tactic that, in fact, it is.  Having Your Cake (Failure To Assert, or Diminished Claim): When MissLed women nearly assert a claim, but then retreat from acceptance of their full responsibility for the claim. “Just sayin’,” “Just my opinion,” or “I don’t necessarily agree with...” are phrases that often accompany this fallacy.    Ambiguous Assertion: MissLed women’s statements which lack sufficient clarity. Whether intentional or not, they are sufficiently unclear that they leave some sort of leeway. Not surprisingly, confusion often follows in its cloudy path. Such vague assertions fail to contribute toward any potential solutions.  Special Pleading (Stacking The Deck): A form of spurious argument where MissLed women introduce favorable details or exclude unfavorable de- tails, and allege a need to apply additional considerations without proper crit- icism of these considerations. Essentially, they attempt to cite something as an exemption to a generally accepted rule or principle, but without justifying the exemption. MissLed women most often engage in special pleading when they are subject to a law or moral rule that they wish to evade. They attempt to apply a double standard, with an exception to the rule for themselves - or people like them - but the rule still holds for others.  Argument By Laziness (Argument By Uninformed Opinion): MissLed women too often don’t bother to make the proportionate effort to research or study the topic under discussion. Nonetheless, they often persist in brazenly expressing their strong opinion. When asked to defend their position, they typically respond with “I just know.” Even in their willful ignorance, they have the temerity to be insulted if their opinion is not treated with the amount of
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respect they feel that they deserve.  False Compromise: This is another example of where “compromise” can be harmful. When MissLed women can’t reach an agreement with their op- ponent, they’ll misclaim that it would be “fair” to split the difference. A com- promise is then reached at the middle point between the two sides. (However, quite often, one side is mostly or completely wrong.) Misguided journalists (male and female) often invoke this fallacy in the name of “balanced” cover- age. It’s dangerously misguided, however, to see compromise as always wise or just:  “We are all taught that unselfish (translate 'good'), flexible people know the value of compromise. Compromise, as I define it, means that we learn to share the resent- ment 50/50. Much compromise comes out of a scarcity consciousness that does not trust that we both could have all we want. We fall back on compromise when we lack the energy and creativity to find the synergistic solutions that could get every- one’s needs met fully. Compromise is a lack of trust in the compassionate generous nature of human beings that could lead to a shift that would allow for a true and natural ‘giving to’ instead of a compromising resentful 'giving in." Kelly Bryson, “Don’t Be Nice, Be Real: Balancing Passion for Self with Compassion for Others,” (Santa Rosa, CA: Elite Books, 2004) 32.  Two Wrongs Make A Right (Tu Quoque), You Too, What’s Sauce for the Goose is Sauce for the Gander): When they are accused of wrongdoing, MissLed women can resort to this rationalization. In their attempt to justify an action or accusation against a person, they assert that the person would do the same thing to them. This sort of “reasoning” is fallacious because an action that is wrong remains wrong, regardless if another person also does it.  Psychogenetic Fallacy (Bulverism): When MissLed women claim to know the psychological reason why their opponent supports or proclaims an argument. They will then claim such a reason makes his argument invalid or irrelevant. They wrongly claim that they can refute an idea or belief because they assume that think they have discovered the psychological reason why someone believes the idea. In fact, it is fallacious to claim that, merely because the origin of an idea came from a biased mind, it must necessarily be a false idea. Terms like “He has issues,” or “He’s angry/bitter,” are often used to make this assertion.  Ad Hominem: An argument made personally against an opponent in- stead of against their argument. Herein, MissLed women seek to appeal to people’s emotions and prejudices, instead of their ability to think. Because it can be very effective, ad hominem can be a very tempting tactic to use, and a very difficult one to defend against:  “Character assassination is such a powerful tactic in argumentation that it is difficult to resist using it, difficult to defend against effectively, and difficult to prevent the argument from degenerating into a personal quarrel once the tactic is
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used.” Douglas N. Walton, “The Place of Emotion in Argument,” (University Park, PA: Pennsylvania State U. Press, 1992) 3.  Misunderstanding The Nature Of Statistics (Innumeracy): Too often, MissLed women lack the ability to reason with numbers. They – along with many other women and men - are unable to grasp the fundamental notion of numbers and chance:    “Misperceptions about probability and risk are apparent wherever we turn.” John Allen Paulos, “Innumeracy: Mathematical Illiteracy and its Conse- quences,” (NY: Hill and Wang, 1988) x.  Even some who are educated and successful sometimes have the misplaced audacity to shamelessly boast of their low mathematical competence. In truth, embarrassment would be the more appropriate reaction to innumeracy. Their decision to flaunt or feign a personal disdain for numbers indicates their ig- norance of the damage that results from their own weaknesses:  “Too many find it easier to distrust numbers wholesale, affecting disdain, than to get to grips with them.” Michael Blastland, Andrew Dilnot, “The Numbers Game: The Commonsense Guide to Understanding Numbers in the News, in Politics, and in Life,” (NY: Gotham Books, 2009) xii. “In fact, unlike other failings which are hidden, mathematical innumeracy is often flaunted: ‘I’m a people person, not a numbers person.’ Or ‘I’ve always hated math.’...Part of the reason for this perverse pride in mathematical ignorance is that its consequences are not usually as obvious as those of other weaknesses.” John Allen Paulos, “Innumeracy: Mathematical Illiteracy and its Consequences,” (NY: Hill and Wang, 1988) 4.  Serious consequences of innumeracy include:  • Inaccurate reporting of news stories by MissLed female (and misguided male) reporters. As a result, the public is inadequately informed (even those who aren’t innumerate themselves). Journalists are notoriously poor at clearly reporting risks. For example, in 1995. it was reported that a class of contraceptive pills would double the chance of dangerous blood clots. The news stories mostly did not mention that “doubling” the risk only increased it by one person in 7,000. The “cell phones cause brain cancer” reports are even sillier, with the supposed increase in risk one or two cancers per 100,000 people per year. If the fear mongering reporters are right, the risks of each have changed from “Nobody cares” to “Who cares?”  • Financial mismanagement and accumulation of consumer debt, in particular, MissLed women’s misunderstanding of compound interest.  • Poor assessment of risk. For example, they refuse to travel by air- plane (a relatively safe form of transport) while they choose, instead, to drive a car (where the risk of accidental death is far more likely).
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• Limitations on potential career prospects and promotions. Not surprisingly, an inability to “crunch numbers” is a major liability for the MissLed women who seek career advancement. Innumeracy is far from a trivial issue. Many everyday decisions, in fact, involve numbers and probabilities. Numbers undeniably matter in nearly every aspect of life. In addition, since nearly all political discussions today involve mention of millions, billions, or even trillions of dol- lars, innumerate MissLed women are ill-equipped to make informed voting decisions.   In the hands of marketers and politicians, statistics are used to dupe innu- merate MissLed women:   “Hardly a subject is broached these days without measurements, quantities, forecasts, warnings, statistics, targets, numbers of every variety; they are ubiqui- tous, and often disputed.” Michael Blastland, Andrew Dilnot, “The Numbers Game: The Commonsense Guide to Understanding Numbers in the News, in Politics, and in Life,” (NY: Gotham Books, 2009) xii.  Significantly impaired by their innumeracy, MissLed women are quite vul- nerable to manipulation and confusion by pie charts, statistics, and Power Points. These are weapons of mass deception in the hands of advertisers and politicians, which allow them to sell dubious products, ideas, and policies to MissLed women. They fall for the misleading promises from elected officials, for too-good-a-deal-to-miss “sales,” and for disingenuous contracts from re- altors and loan officers.  More seriously, most discussions of product safety and drug efficacy rely on statistical results, or studies involving numbers and percentages. Some un- derstanding of probability and statistics is required to make well-informed choices about such products. Yet another serious concern with MissLed wom- en’s innumeracy is its link to belief in pseudoscience. Too often, they fall prey to the misleading claims of charlatans and quack who cite numbers and statistics. Pseudoscientists and quacks purport to cite legitimate numbers, but they actually spout useless, harmful or misleading nonsense:    “One rarely discussed consequence of innumeracy is its link with belief in pseu- doscience, and the interrelationship between the two...In a society where genetic engineering, laser technology, and microchip circuits are daily adding to our under- standing of the world, it’s especially sad that a significant portion of our adult pop- ulation still believes in Tarot cards, channeling, mediums, and crystal power.” John Allen Paulos, “Innumeracy: Mathematical Illiteracy and its Consequences,” (NY: Hill and Wang, 1988) 5.   If they were armed with a better grasp of statistics, these ruses would not hold sway with MissLed women. Unfortunately, with their lack of numerical perspective, they tend to exaggerate the meaning of meaningless coincidences and credulously accept pseudo-scientific claims. Consequently, too often, they
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are left unable to sort the valid or rational wheat from the invalid or irrational chaff.   A notorious recent cautionary tale regarding the danger of innumeracy comes from the sub-prime mortgage crisis. Too many people - including MissLed women (some single mothers, others married, but with a significant influence on the purchasing decision) did not understand the financial stakes and the market uncertainties involved in the purchase of their homes. Ham- strung by their innumeracy, many faced bankruptcies, foreclosures and other avoidable financial distress.  One final explanation for MissLed women’s innumeracy is that they find statistics emotionally unsatisfying.  For them, numbers and statistics feel cold and meaningless in comparison to their strong preference - intuitive thinking:   “Particularly in relation to patterns, chance, or coincidence, statistics can feel counterintuitive when it frustrates a yearning for meaning.” Michael Blastland, Andrew Dilnot, “The Numbers Game: The Commonsense Guide to Un- derstanding Numbers in the News, in Politics, and in Life,” (NY: Gotham Books, 2009) 39.   In sum, MissLed women’s vulnerability to these fallacies leaves them ill-prepared to handle argument well. They are unpracticed - and therefore unskilled - at both constructing an argument and engaging in a constructive argument. This deficiency leaves them prone to irrational beliefs:   “A fallacious argument is a bogus one for it fails to do what it purports to do, namely provide a good reason for accepting a claim. Unfortunately, logically fal- lacious arguments can be psychologically compelling. Since most people have never learned the difference between a good argument and a fallacious one, they are often persuaded to believe things for no good reason. To avoid holding irrational beliefs, then, it is important to understand the many ways in which an argument can fail.” Theodore Schick, Lewis Vaughn, “How to Think About Weird Things,” (Co- lumbus, OH: McGraw Hill Higher Education, 2002) 298-299.   Unfortunately, because of their inability to argue well and their poor lis- tening skills, MissLed women often are not able to master a key skill in today’s society - persuasion. The ability to influence anotherperson’s mood, mind, or willingness to do something is simply invaluable for those who seek to have their needs met or their wants fulfilled.  Ironically, MissLed women’s deficiencies in argument and persuasion cost them dearly where many of them care the most - in their intimate rela- tionships. Too often, MissLed women experience an argument as a one-way pressure valve for their frustrations or emotions. Male partners, in contrast, tend to want to see an argument as making sense, and desire to end it with a constructive, rational conclusion. This contrast is critical in relationships. In- effective arguing between partners can weaken, or even destroy, their relation- ships. Unfortunately for them, MissLed women tend to argue by repetition
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(This is known as Proof by assertion - a logical fallacy in which a proposi- tion is repeatedly restated regardless of contradiction.) At times, they repeat themselves until their partner’s challenges dry up, at which point it is asserted as a fact (argumentum ad nauseam). In other cases, the very repetition itself is cited as evidence of its truth. Needless to say, to argue by repetition in either way serves only to wear down their partners and build their resentment. It is certainly not an effective way to build rapport and respect, or discover the truth.  Effective arguing is, in truth, a labor of love, wherein the greater good for both parties is served. Happy couples avoid conflict and misunderstandings when both the men and women argue ethically and effectively. In contrast, unhappy couples often contain MissLed women (and misguided men) who choose to argue unethically, or refuse to learn to do so effectively. For the latter, fragile relationships, fraught with serious risks to their health, are com- mon:   “When arguments are handled poorly, relationships can be damaged or de- stroyed.” Lee Raffel, “I Hate Conflict,” (NY: McGraw-Hill, 2008) 4.  MissLed women’s struggles with argument are often linked directly to their inability to deal effectively with conflict. Too often, as described in author Lee Raffle’s 2008 book “I Hate Conflict,” they are Conflict Goof-Ups, whose struggles often result in significant personal chaos:  “Conflict Goof-Ups have an uncanny knack for getting others mad at them. This has the effect of throwing a smokescreen around the real issues. Anticipating the worst will happen, they keep their close relationships off balance. Conflict Goof-Ups sabotage intelligent dialogue in several ways:  They get defensive, which makes it hard to talk to them in a reasonable manner.  They can be passive-aggressive. Their attempt to hide their mean streaks and insincere ways under the cloak of a phony congeniality.  They maneuver the conversation by changing the subject to distract the other person.  They tell outright lies to throw a wrench in the conversation.  They play stupid by asking irrelevant questions that insult the other person’s intelligence.   When Conflict Goof-Ups are put on the spot and pressured to explain what they did wrong or why they said something foolish, they dump their fury on their closest associates. When they are cornered, they will turn around and fault others for demanding answers that are not on the tip of their tongue.” Lee Raffel, “I Hate Conflict,” (NY: McGraw-Hill, 2008) 71.   Obviously, such manipulation and lying is quite poisonous to any relation- ship. Rather than earn undesirable reputations as Conflict Goof Ups, MissLed women can, instead, gain respect and love that comes with the reputation of Conflict Innovators:
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 “Their motto: 'Let’s be sensible and consider our options. What they assume: The more I learn from my mistakes, the less I have to regret.  Their intention: They pick their battles - the fewer the better.  The costs of being a Conflict Innovator: None.  The benefits of being a Conflict Innovator: They’ll confront when necessary, so others will know their limitations.” Lee Raffel, “I Hate Conflict,” (NY: Mc- Graw-Hill, 2008) 83.   Aspiring to be a conflict innovator instead of a conflict goof up, then, would serve all women well. Calmly handling conflict - and learning how and when to engage in arguments - is the key to being and effective and respected adult.    Why Does Argument Aggravation Matter? Creative, Constructive Argument leads to more:  • Trust • Respect • Integrity • Quality communication due to knowledge of others’ views • Learning and sharing of knowledge • Ability to persuade others • Conflict Innovators   In stark contrast, Destructive, Manipulative Argument leads to:  • Distrust  • Disrespect  • Lack of Integrity • Poor quality communication due to ignoring or dismissing others’ views • No sharing of knowledge • Inability to persuade others  • Conflict Goof Ups   Argument aggravation, then, is yet another unfortunate example of how MissLed women fail to behave constructively. Avoiding argument merely because they didn’t develop their communication skills only perpetuates their personal problems. In addition, engaging in arguments in fallacious or other ineffective ways is not constructive. It severely reduces the opportunities for MissLed women to persuade or be understood by others:    “An argument is the way you put together or structure your ideas, opinions or beliefs so that people will better understand what it is you’re trying to say. People may not agree with what you have to say, but if you phrase your ideas in the form of arguments, you will stand a far greater chance of being understood.” Christopher W. Dicarlo, “How to Become a Really Good Pain In The Ass,” (Amherst, NY: Prometheus Books, 2010) 25.
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 In addition, a serious deficiency in argument leaves MissLed women less worthy of attention, admiration, trust, or lasting friendships. Their fear of conflict bodes ill for their chances of happy, fulfilling, personal relationships.   Finally, in this era of instant communication, argument matters today more than ever:   “Persuasive communication is no longer the preserve of professionals - be they politicians, broadcasters, or advertisers. Anyone with a hooked-up computer can now communicate remotely and instantaneously - through the spoken word or through the written - with a potential audience of millions. Blogs and video-logs, and the online arguments in comment threads and chat rooms, have spawned new tropes and figures, and new uses for the old ones. We live, thanks to the reach of our technology, in perhaps the most argumentative age of any in history.” Sam Leith, “Words Like Loaded Pistols: Rhetoric from Aristotle to Obama,” (NY: Basic Books, 2012) 18. 
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The conditions that led to a large minority of women becoming MissLed did not occur overnight - nor will they be undone overnight. Many myths must be dismissed, and a good number of women must funda- mentally revise their views on how they think, believe and behave. Re- sistance to such changes are likely to be strong and strident. It is prob- able that family members, friends and relationship partners may disapprove of such modifications in women’s communication and behavior. There is no quick and easy fix, no ten simple steps to a better life. For those women who are willing to strive, however, tangible, significant improvements in their lives are possible if they learn from many or all of the following 21 SUGGESTED SOLUTIONS: 1. Read more frequently and choose those books, magazines, and  articles that provide wisdom and cultural and historical insights. As Lisa Bloom’s recent book “Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World” discusses, too many MissLed women don’t read nearly enough books or online ma- terial of substance. Being well-informed about both history and current events is part of being a responsible adult citizen and beneficial to a woman’s social and personal status. 2. Turn off the TV. The damage done from excessive viewing of television is vast and well-documented: “Not only does the content of television breed cynicism in its attention to sex and violence, but the fact that individuals are sitting on their liv- ing room couches watching television limits their opportunities for face- to-face social activities in a country whose average resident watches over four hours per day.” Francis Fukuyama, “The Great Disruption: Hu- man Nature and the Reconstitution of Social Order,” (NY: Simon & Schuster, 1999) 85. Free time - especially for the mind - is all too precious. MissLed women can use the time ssave from less television viewing to engage their minds in more worthy pursuits. Spending significantly more time reading, participat-
Conclusion
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ing in public or private discussions on political or social matters, or perus- ing the Internet for thought-provoking, educational material, as featured on TED, would serve them very well. 3. Reduce MissThinking to a minimum. Faulty thinking can be curtailed by recognizing and limiting the following: • Debilitative Emotions • Thinking T