(Intuitive Thinking, Egocentric Thinking, Wishful Thinking, Group Thinking)
"America has historically offered space for all sorts of sects, cults, faith
healers, and purveyors of snake oil, and those that are profitable, such as positive thinking, tend to flourish." Barbara Ehenreich, Bright Sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America, (NY: Metropolitan Books, 2009) 9.
"Clearly, many of us have drunk the optimism Kool-Aid: We view optimism as an
unqualified good, an all-purpose remedy for all that ails us." Psychology Today
Nov/Dec 2011, "The Uses and Abuses of Optimism (and Pessimism)," by Anne Murphy Paul, pg.58.
"Optimism has its uses, to be sure. But the goal to "think positive" no matter the situation
is unsupportable and counterproductive." Psychology Today Nov/Dec 2011, "The Uses and
Abuses of Optimism (and Pessimism)," by Anne Murphy Paul, pg. 63.
"...in recent years, psychologists have reached the conclusion that pessimism
may often be as healthy and productive as optimism." "Stop Searching for Happiness,"
by Oliver Burkman, The Intelligent Optimist Magazine, Jan/Feb 2013, pg. 54.
The most widespread and fervent belief among MissLed women today is Positivity. Along
with its close cousin, Optimism, it is ceaselessly promoted - by corporations,
politicians, educators, parents, and friends. (MissLed women can't seem to resist
chasing the lure of the (temporary) euphoria that result from their tendency to perceive
people and situations positively. They have a positive outcome bias - a tendency to
overestimate the probability of a favorable outcome in a given situation. Knowing
this, advertisers and the self-help industry package and sell products containing
sugar-coated messages of breezy optimism to overly receptive MissLed women.
Normal, measured, positive thinking is often rational and effective. But there's a little-
recognized dark side to positivity. Being happy all of the time is actually unnatural.
It can even be harmful. In fact, if the normal, useful emotions such as anger,
sadness, or shame are not expressed, harm and injustice often go ignored or
unseen.
Being moderately and consistently positive in of itself, of course, isn't the issue.
The problem is when positive thinking leads MissLed women to ignore reality and deny negative
considerations. For them, it seems any pessimism has been banished. For MissLed women, any "negativity" is equated to "bad" or "evil." This attitude is wrongheaded, and can even, at times, be dangerous.
The current Positive thinking mania encourages far too much unbridled optimism,
especially among MissLed women. For them, there's a near-tyranny of "be positive" expectations.
Examining the world only through rose-colored glasses leaves them prone to dangerously misleading denial and delusions.
Their choice to exclusively think positive, however, some MissLed women are left vulnerable to
irrational exuberance. Specifically, imprudent exuberance in spending
and borrowing have created a tremendous amount of havoc in recent years. Overoptimism
regarding their future economic status, combined with their inability to resist temptation,
lead them to:
1. Imprudent Spending on frivolous or luxury goods
2. Purchasing houses beyond their budget
3. Credit Card debts
Imprudent decision-making and unrealistic plans lead some MissLed women to overreach past their actual abilities, and overestimate their chances for accomplishing their goals. A more measured and rational optimism is the best temperament with decision-making:
"It even helps, believe it or not, to be less optimistic, especially when making
decisions. That's because most of tend to be overconfident, and overconfidence is
a leading cause of human error." Joseph T. Hallinan, Why We Make Mistakes, (NY:
Broadway Books, 2009) 9.
While MissLed women's relentless cheerfulness has its place, such overzealous positivity can
also dampen truthfulness. Communication breakdowns can result. It can
also damage their ability to access the benefits of sadness and negativity:
"Trying to "be hopeful" can prevent honest expression of feelings that could
be helpful in maintaining and improving quality of life even at the most
frightening times." Paul Pearsall, The Last Self-Help Book You'll Ever Need, (NY: Basic
Books, 2005) 50.
The truth is, negative thoughts are a normal, healthy portion of typical mood patterns for
most people. Indeed, so-called negative words or thoughts can be quite helpful, even invaluable:
"...in recent years, psychologists have reached the conclusion that pessimism
may often be as healthy and productive as optimism." "Stop Searching for Happiness,"
by Oliver Burkman, The Intelligent Optimist Magazine, Jan/Feb 2013, pg. 54.
"Thinking negatively is easier and it comes naturally. If it didn't, our
ancestors would not have survived...Our natural propensity for pessimism
is a built-in evolutionary trait that helps keep us vigilant for threats to
our well-being." The Last Self-Help Book You'll Ever Need, Paul Pearsall, (NY: Basic
Books, 2005) 52.
"A content analysis shows that about 70 percent of the statements in the Declaration
of Independence are negative...If you're trying to convince people to change course,
you generally have to elicit emotions such as anxiety or anger, along with enthusiasm
for your cause..." Drew Westen, The Political Brain: The Role of Emotions in Deciding
the Fate of the Nation, (NY: Public Affairs, 2007) 318.
In fact, some MissLed women are so convinced that maintaining a Positive attitude is a must
that they resort to self-medication. When a low mood or dark period in their life occurs,
they tend to medicate, seeking any way to dampen or avoid altogether them altogether.
Their tolerance for feeling even moderately "negative," "sad," or "down" - even for relatively
brief periods - is far too low. Truth is, those who avoid unhappy emotions do so to their detriment:
"For the species in general and the individual in particular, the main
advantage of paying attention to an unhappy emotion is that it attunes you
to potential threat or loss and pressures you to avoid or relieve the pain
by solving the associate problem. Thus, your fear of becoming ill induces
you to get a flu shot. Your guilt over a divorce pushes you to give extra
consideration to the children. Your shame at being fired hardens your
resolve to go out there and get an even better job.
Then too, a pessimist, warts-and-all focus is helpful when you're
stuck in a tough, let's-get-to-the-bottom-of-this-situation. Looking
at the dark side of things can also confer a certain objectivity; indeed,
according to one school of thought, the depressed person's bleak focus on
life tends to be more realistic than the sanguine person's upbeat view."
Winifred Gallagher, Rapt, (NY: Penguin Press, 2009) 33.
MissLed women's positive thinking and eagerness to please often leads them to
have difficulty saying no to others. For them, "no" is too closely associated with
negativity. What they often fail to recognize, however, is
that the ability to say "no" is actually an asset:
"A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater
than a "Yes" merely uttered to please, or, what is worse, to
avoid trouble." - Mahatma Gandhi from William Ury, The Power of a Positive No, (NY:
Bantam Dell, 2008) 8.
"No. The most powerful and NEEDED word in the language
today is also the potentially the most destructive and, for many
people, the hardest to say. Yet when we know how to use it correctly, this one
word has the power to profoundly transform our lives for the better." William Ury,
The Power of a Positive No, (NY: Bantam Dell, 2008) 8.
A habitually positive attitude combined with a tendency to be uncomfortable with
saying "No" to other can put MissLed women's in disadvantageous positions in
their professional and personal relationships:
"Being nice when everyone else is just PLAYING nice is not wise."
J. Littman, M Herson, I Hate People, (NY: Little, Brown and Company, 2009) 7.
"Being upbeat and positive all the time creates not only a lot of unnecessary
internal pressure but an impossible standard for one's partner to meet...
Relationships are composed of a balance of both positive and negative feelings.
People who have become overly invested in being positive tend to have
two uncommon fears, both of which are essentially unfounded. The first is that
they have censored angry, sad, or hurt feelings for so long that if they ever
gave vent to them they would be overwhelmed by the torrent and they would then
overwhelm their partner. The second fear is that they have so accustomed their
partner to their behavior that to suddenly change would not be acceptable...In fact,
being cranky, showing your sadness or hurt more openly, and making more honest
demands can give the other person some real relief." Dr. Connell Cowan, Dr. Melvyn
Kinder, Women Men Love Women Men Leave: What Makes Men Want to Commit, (NY: Signet, 1988) 47-48.
MissLed women's overemphasis on optimism and too-strong preference for positivity
are not small matters. Significantly, a society that ignores or punishes people for
being downers (pessimists) is a society that might miss seeing the proverbial
iceberg, or that it is melting at a rapidly accelerated pace.
Does it really help MissLed women or their loved ones if they deny reality and
deceive themselves with positive thoughts?
"The effort to be happy is often what makes us miserable. And it is our
constant effort to eliminate all that is NEGATIVE - insecurity, failure,
or sadness - that makes us feel so insecure, anxious, uncertain, or unhappy."
"Stop Searching for Happiness," by Oliver Burkman, The Intelligent Optimist Magazine,
Jan/Feb 2013, pg. 56.
In fact, some of the benefits of thinking negatively involve are matters of life and death.
Lives can be saved by thinking this way. They can also be improved greatly in day to
day ways, such as aiding personal introspection:
"Although negative thinking is often detrimental and scorned by many
in society today, it is valuable. Negative thinking enables us to define
and express our vulnerability, integrate trauma and grieve the meaningful
losses in our lives. It also warns us of imminent danger. Negative thinking
cautions us against investing our hard-earned money in fraudulent get-rich-quick
schemes, or against diving into deep water when we don't know how to swim. It
is necessary in any design process to anticipate flaws in products, services
and projects so that they can be rectified." Rosalene Glickman, Optimal Thinking,
(NY: John Wiley & Sons, 2002) 8.
One of the most dangerous results of MissLed women's overemphasis on positivity is that it
leaves some of them vulnerable to what Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited, coined as "malignant optimism":
"People refuse to believe that some questions are unsolvable, some diseases
incurable, some disasters inevitable. They see a sign of hope in every
fluctuation. They read meaning and patterns into every random occurrence,
utterance, or slip. They are deceived by their own pressing need to believe
in the ultimate victory of good over evil, health over sickness, order over
disorder. Life appears otherwise so meaningless, so unjust and so arbitrary..."
"The Malignant Optimism of the Abused" by Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/journal27.html
Too often, MissLed women misguidedly impose upon life an optimistic design,
and a positive progression. Despite the lack of any evidence, they misperceive
purposes and paths. In truth, they are imposing a misplaced combination of
wishful and magical thinking. Their strong belief in hope and their "can-do"
attitude often leads MissLed optimistic women to tackle problems past the
point when their efforts to change the situation will make a significant
difference. Their misplaced optimism leads them to believe that they can
achieve what they want to, merely by trying. If that fails, they imprudently
and stubbornly try harder. This type of perfectionism can lead them to hold
onto unrealistic hopes and expectations in life. In spite of the advantages of
positive thinking, there are times when negative or realistic thinking is effective
and appropriate:
"Negative" thinking...has gotten a bad rap. This is mostly because the people
who advocate "positive" thinking lump all the "negative" thoughts together in
one big unpleasant pile, not realizing that some kinds of negative thoughts are
actually necessary and motivating. There is a big difference between "I am a
loser and can't do this" (a bad, self-defeating negative thought), and "This won't
be easy, and I'm going to have to work hard" (a very good negative thought that
actually predicts greater success)." "How “Positive” Thinking and Vision Boards
Set You Up To Fail: The trouble with the Law of Attraction."
July 22, 2011 by Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201107/optimism-vs-pessimism/how-positive-thinking-and-vision-boards-set-you-fail
Still another danger with positivity is shown by MissLed women's propensity to delusionally
overestimate themselves to the point that they are far too positive about their own
righteousness or kindness:
"If you are in a good mood, you tend to make confident, even
overconfident decisions and appraisals of your own likelihood
for success." James W. Kalat, Michelle N. Shiota, Emotion,
(Belmont, CA: Wadsworth Publishing, 2011) 258.
"You have a deep desire to be right all of the time
and a deeper desire to see yourself in a positive light
both morally and behaviorally. You can stretch
your mind pretty far to achieve those goals."
David McRaney, You Are Not So Smart, (NY: Gotham Books, 2011) 1.
"It has long been known - both in psychological research and in everyday life -
that people commonly feel "holier than thou," believing that they are more moral,
kind and altruistic than the typical person - David Dunning, Cornell professor of psychology...
"Even when we know that other people will be selfish, we think we're special, that
the rules don't apply to us," Dunning explained."
"CU researchers' study shows Americans aren't as nice as they think"
By Roger Segelken, Cornell Chronicle, Vol. 32, Number 28, March 29, 2001
http://www.news.cornell.edu/Chronicle/01/3.29.01/holier_than_thou.html
Thinking exclusively in optimistic terms is also associated with
many MissLed women's underestimation of risks. More restraint is often the much wiser
choice. When risk is low, optimism is usually a good bet. When risk is
higher, however, pessimism is warranted. For example, a pilot would be imprudent
to be an optimist when deciding whether to take off during a storm.
Indeed, too many MissLed women cling too tightly to their optimistic views, regardless
of the quality and quantity of evidence presented that disprove them:
"So powerful is our tendency to rationalize that negative evidence is often immediately
greeted with criticism, distortion, or dismissal so that not much (cognitive) dissonance
need be suffered, nor change of opinion required." Robert Trivers, The Folly of Fools:
The Logic of Deceit and Self-Deception, (NY: Basic Books, 2011) 153.
Instead of a steady drumbeat of incessant optimism, what would be more effective
for MissLed women is a flexible, adaptable optimism. Such a view is best when
contingent on situation or context:
"At what point do optimism and confidence become toxic? Psychologists argue that
many, if not all, human traits have optimal levels...there is evidence that the
most adaptive type of optimism is a “flexible optimism.” Flexible optimists
are able to judge which situations call for optimism (e.g., when asking someone
on a date, trying to sell something, or giving a speech), and which call for a
more restrained optimism or defensive pessimism (e.g., when studying for
a test or waging war). "
"How Much Confidence and Optimism Is Good For World Leaders and How
Much Is Too Much? At what point do optimism and confidence become toxic?"
June 2, 2008 by Sonja Lyubomirsky
http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201107/optimism-vs-pessimism/how-much-optimism-is-good-world-leaders
"It's simply not the case that optimism is good and pessimism is bad - although that's
how we've been encouraged to think about them. Rather, both are functional. And both
have value."
Psychology Today Nov/Dec 2011, "The Uses and Abuses of Optimism (and Pessimism),"
by Anne Murphy Paul, pg. 58.
There are other, more effective ways of thinking than solely in optimistic terms:
"What is best for contemplation and decision-making is Optimal Thinking. It is realistic,
showing how to integrate thoughts, feelings and situations and OPTIMIZE (not just improve) them.
Unlike the "fake it til you make" ubiquitousness of relentless positive thinking,
a person thinking optimally learns how to let go of what is not in your control, choose
the best options in your control, and lay disturbing issues to rest."
http://www.optimalthinking.com/thinking-comparison.html
"Optimal Thinking is not optimism (hoping for the best). Optimal Thinking is optimal realism. Optimal Thinkers eliminate unnecessary disappointment, because they entertain realistic expectations and focus on optimizing situations within their control. Optimal Thinkers embrace reality and ask: What's the best thing I can do under the circumstances?"
Unfortunately, Optimal Thinking is not a common habit among MissLed women. This is a significant liability for them, because thinking optimally is key for those who want the
best chance for personal and professional success. It is also the best thinking method for
effectively pursuing happiness.
"Well-adjusted people are not on Cloud Nine. Psychologists have
analyzed many highly successful people in all walks of life - business
people, athletes, artists - who were healthy, had well-adjusted families,
and had financial security. Rarely did these people say they were unusually
happy. They generally had the same day-to-day worries and disappointments
that the less successful have, and most considered themselves, overall, neutral
in their degree of happiness.
Therefore, neutral is about the most we can expect for the majority of
our lives." Riggs Webster Jr., The You You Don't Know: Covert Influences
on Your Behavior, (Amherst, NY: Prometheus Books, 1997) 69.
WHY DOES POSITIVITY POISON MATTER?
"Negativity and negative emotions are crucial for our survival. They prevent unproductive behaviors from cementing into habits. They deliver useful information on our efforts. They alert us when we're on the wrong path." Daniel H. Pink, To Sell is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others, (NY: Riverhead Books, 2012) 121.
Isn't thinking positively and optimistically ultimately worth it, because it
helps women live happier lives? The answer is a resounding NO. In fact, quite the
opposite. Ironically, MissLed women's over-emphasis on positivity and
pursuing fun and pleasure is NOT leading more of them to happiness:
"A recent meta-analysis of over a hundred studies of
self-reported happiness worldwide found Americans ranking only
twenty-third...In another potential sign of relative distress, Americans
account for two-thirds of the global market for antidepressants,
which happen also to be the most commonly prescribed drugs in the
United States." Barbara Ehrenreich, Bright-Sided: How Positive Thinking Is Undermining America,
(NY: Metropolitan Books, 2009) 5.
"A frantic search for rousing happiness only serves to disappoint us." Riggs Webster Jr.,
The You You Don't Know: Covert Influences on Your Behavior, (Amherst, NY: Prometheus
Books, 1997) 120.
"The popularity of motivational speakers again testifies to our penchant
for oversimplification - most emphasize thinking and speaking positively,
which can sometimes lead to mindless, puerile affirmations, or even self-
delusion. Realistically, we must separate neutral facts and accuracy from overly
hyped positive ideas, and not force ourselves into foolhardy superoptimism."
Riggs Webster Jr., The You You Don't Know: Covert Influences
on Your Behavior, (Amherst, NY: Prometheus Books, 1997) 117.
Too much emphasis on positive thinking can be oppressive:
"The POSITIVITY imperative now coursing through American culture can be downright oppressive...Cheer has become the norm. Anything less than cheer becomes not the norm - in other words - abnormal." "American Cheese," by Lenore Skenazy, Psychology Today, May/June 2013, pg. 77.
Too much emphasis on positive thinking can also be unproductive:
"Too much positivity can be as unproductive as too little." Daniel H. Pink, To Sell is Human: The Surprising Truth about Moving Others, (NY: Riverhead Books, 2012) 108.
MissLed women's insistence on positive feelings instead of negative feelings, can limit the amount of feedback and information they can gather from their own introspection:
"Negative emotions offer us feedback on our performance, information on what's working and what's not, and hints about how to do better." Daniel H. Pink, To Sell is Human: The Surprising Truth about Moving Others, (NY: Riverhead Books, 2012)108.
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Optimism &Pessimism,
"Optimism in generally good. Expecting that good things will happen to us often can lead to positive outcomes, both personal and social. However, expecting that bad things will happen to us does not necessarily have to be associated with doom and failure. Just as always expecting the best may have its disadvantages (e.g., accepting the status quo, overlooking important opportunities), so too can expecting the worst have its advantages (e.g., initiating social reform, identifying potential weaknesses and problem areas)." 5.
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The Uses of Pessimism: And the Danger of False Hope
-"Nonsense has taken us residence in the heart of public debate and also at the Academy. This nonsense is part of the huge fund of reasons on which the plans and schemes of the Optimists draw for their vitality. Nonsense confiscates meaning. It therefore puts truth and falsehood, reason and unreason, light and darkness on an equal footing. It is a blow cast in defense of intellectual freedom, as the Optimists construe it, namely to believe anything at all, provided you feel better for it."
Roger Scruton, The Uses of
Pessimism: And the Danger of False Hope, (Oxford: Oxford U. Press, 2010), 5.
"...the modern pessimist is urging us to consider what happens to us when old constraints are removed, old limitations are abolished, and an old way of confronting the world is replaced by an illusion of mastery."
"When committed optimists are faced with failure - either the failure of their schemes for themselves - or the failure of their schemes to improve the human condition - a process of compensation begins, designed to save the project by finding the person, the class or the clique that has thwarted it." 80.
"Unrealistic optimism is a pervasive human trait that influences domains ranging from personal relationships to politics and finance." "How Unrealistic Optimism Is Maintained in the Face of Reality," Nature Neuroscience, Tali Sharot, Christoph W. Korn & Raymond J Dolan, October 9, 2011.http://www.nature.com/neuro/journal/v14/n11/full/nn.2949.html
Positive thinking can be a important starting point toward success, but it isn't magic. It's more like a necessary precondition to success: people who believe they can succeed are far more likely to succeed than people who are sure they'll fail.
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