WISHFUL THINKING

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VICTIM THINKING
"Our society supports this way of thinking, by helping us blame unfair
love relationships, childhood abuse, parental abandonment, or emotional or
sexual trauma for all of our painful emotions, behaviors, and choices.
We may hate the fact that a particular event or person ever existed in our
lives, but nevertheless, we allow that person or event to define our identities." Carmen Renee Berry
Mark W. Baker, Who's To Blame:  Escape the Victim Trap & Gain Personal Power in Your Relationships, (Colorado Springs: Pinon Pres, 1996) 9.

Some MissLed women feel - and therefore are convinced - that they are a victim. 
Men (by far the most common), the government, the bureaucracy,
their times, any organization, and their parents are some of the most prominent sources of their
supposed victimhood. By thinking as a victim, they find it all-too-easy - and emotionally-satisfying
- to blame someone else for their various predicaments.
Feelings of hopelessness and frustration often go hand in hand with victim thinking.
Such thinking is ultimately self-limiting. For MissLed women, because the give away their
power, victim thinking is often a major cause of their personal stagnation. Misguidedly, they
feel stuck - and therefore think that they can not do anything about their plight in life: 

"The Victim Trap operates when someone feels that they are personally powerless.  The dynamic
of powerlessness causes people to mismanage their emotions through blame." Carmen Renee Berry
Mark W. Baker, Who's To Blame:  Escape the Victim Trap & Gain Personal Power in Your Relationships,
(Colorado Springs: Pinon Press, 1996) 7.

"When we are caught in the Victim Trap we can be consumed with assigning blame
rather than taking responsibility for our pain...Concretely identifying the "enemy"
provides a false sense of security by pinpointing the source of danger in our lives." Carmen Renee Berry Mark W. Baker, Who's To Blame:  Escape the Victim Trap & Gain Personal Power in Your Relationships, (Colorado Springs: Pinon Press, 1996) 20.

Unfortunately for MissLed women, any false sense of security they gain from victim thinking
limits their understanding of reality:

"Once we have assigned blame, we no longer have any motivation to explore a deeper understanding
of our suffering.  The guilty party has been found; the investigation is done.  We are often
satisfied with a superficial grasp of the crime as long as an offender can be held culpable."
Carmen Renee Berry Mark W. Baker, Who's To Blame:  Escape the Victim Trap & Gain Personal Power in Your Relationships, (Colorado Springs: Pinon Press, 1996) 20.

What, then, keeps a number of MissLed women enmeshed in victim thinking?  Simply put, many of them find victim thinking emotionally satisfying.  It shields them behind a shroud of misplaced martyrdom:

"Victim thinking can be dangerous on many levels, but you don't
have to wallow in that mire or stay in the role of victim - the choice
is yours." Diane Bogino, Finding Your Bootstraps: 11 Steps to Overcoming Victim
Thinking, (Atlanta:  Geraly Simmons & Associates, 2005) 19.

Victim thinkers fail to take responsibility for their own lives and make peace with whatever
situation they find themselves in. Instead, they misguidedly blame others
for their circumstances.  They also relinquish control and responsibility to others.
This is very much a self- destructive mindset.  Not only does the victim feel negatively about their
situation, but they also feel powerless to change it. Not surprisingly, many MissLed women who have the victim
mentality wallow in self-pity.  This can be quite habit forming because it provides them
with momentary pleasure and separates them from reality.
In their MissLed head space they are lost in a funk of sadness and self-pity. As a result,
little to no action is taken to remedy their dissatisfactions.  Those who think themselves
victims can feel they have certain rights that the world owes them, and are disappointed or
angry when the world doesn't deliver. Even worse, victims can be bound permanently in a
state of unforgiveness.

Truth is, too many MissLed women find victim thinking emotionally satisfying.  It can serve to shield them
behind a shroud of martyrdom. In fact, the reason that victim thinking persists with
some MissLed women (and misguided men) is that it has many short- term, quite seductive advantages:

 ■Attention and validation. They can always get good feelings from other people that are
concerned about them and therefore try to help them. (On the other hand, it may not last for that
long as people get tired of it).
 ■They don’t have to take risks. Those who feel like a victim tend to not take action, hence they
 don’t have to risk rejection or failure.
 ■Don’t have to take the sometimes heavy responsibility. Taking responsibility for their own lives
can be hard work. Difficult decisions must be made - which can weigh heavily. In the short term it
can feel like the easier choice to not take personal responsibility.
 ■It makes them feel righteous. Feeling like they are right and the supposed perpetrator is
 is wrong leads to pleasurable feelings.
In sum, MissLed women who engage in victim thinking are rewarded, at least in the short-term:
"Achievement of victim status can lead to considerable rewards - apart
from soothing sympathy, you can avoid being openly challenged by others,
accusing those who challenge you of an 'ism" or 'phobia' and attract special
treatment and benefits from policy." David Conway, Anthony Browne, The Retreat of Reason, (London: Institute for
the Study of Civil Society, 2006) 43.

But, when MissLed women who think in terms of victimhood persist in that habit, they pay significant costs.  Theylimit their ability to perceive reality and take personal responsibility:

"Thinking like a victim characterizes a denier of reality and shirker of self-responsibility." Everybody Marries the Wrong Person: Turning Flawed into Fulfilling Relationships, (Far Hills, NJ:  New Horizon Press, 2010) 117.

"Self-responsible spouses do not expect to be defended or rescued.  Self-responsible spouses expect to handle situations themselves." Everybody Marries the Wrong Person: Turning Flawed into Fulfilling Relationships, (Far Hills, NJ:  New Horizon Press, 2010) 117.

By engaging in victim thinking, MissLed women often become angry blamers:

"Conventional wisdom encourages assignment of blame.  So we blame others (inept, neglectful or abusive parents, ruthless schoolmates, sadistic coaches or nuns) for our faults or we blame ourselves.
 The problems with assigning blame are that it not only fosters resentment but also renders us unlikely to change." Everybody Marries the Wrong Person: Turning Flawed into Fulfilling Relationships, (Far Hills, NJ:  New Horizon Press, 2010) 151.

WHY DOES VICTIM THINKING MATTER?
The victim surrenders power over their life to others - their life is driven by their environment.
MissLed women who now are victim thinkers are be better served to shift their focus away from
their supposed past victimhood.  In order to fully thrive, they must focus on personal
responsibility and on what they can contribute to the future.
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 Victim:
While insisting on "rights," they abrogate responsibility.
They demand that OTHER people engage in self-control, self-restraint, not giving into one's impulses, selfish desires and not
exploiting opportunity -- but nothing from themselves - those who puts themselves into a dangerous situation.
Instead of encouraging healthy change,  (e.g. assertiveness as opposed to aggression, social skills instead of anger, personal
responsibility as opposed to blame and empathy instead of emphasis on self) Missled women who are rewarded by being
a victim then combine have anger and self-righteousness. 
For MissLed women, then, the ideology of victimization is a dead end street. It is predicated on the assumption that hey have already
lost,  and therefore have no power.
**VICTIMS***
 MISSLED WOMEN MISPERCEIVE THAT THEY ARE VICTIMS OF...
1.  Male-dominated society
2.  Gender Discrimination @ work
3.  Unjust Pay Gap
4.  Harassment
5.  Unequal share of housework and childcare
6.  DV
7.  Deadbeat Dads
- focus on others acting on them.
- pity party mentality
- victim proclaims moral innocence and Entitlement
- victim thinking is self-absorption (not with others)
-victim ID gives clarity, certitude, even community
- because of societal taboos regarding "blaming the victim" they are often immune from criticism
and exalted in their martyrdom
- become targets of relational aggression by other women
- Lacks confidence in her own mind and abilities to respond assertively
- mindset leaves them fearful - lacking confidence or skill to form healthy bonds with other women or men
- often had the mindset when young, so remain targets for bully's aggression
- excessively anxious, lack social skills needed to initiate new contacts or break into a group activity
- Their lack of confidence combined with submissiveness make them perfect targets for bullying
- Victims are often overly sensitive to being rejected
- They have difficulties in social skills, and social problem solving, as well as emotional regulation.
And because of their lack of social competence, victims score low on peer acceptance and popularity
"Whenever you take a passive role in your life and your relationship, and experience your actions as the
effect of someone or something else, you are playing the victim." 24.
"You live in a place of "If only," rather than making proactive changes that will bring you the
happiness and satisfaction you seek." 128.
"Unfortunately placing the blame on others does nothing to help...It takes two to tango for
a great relationship and the same is true for a bad one." 12.
"From movies to shows to women's magazines, we are inundated with messages that men are jerks.
They forget your birthday, they cheat, they can't remember to take out the trash, and all they
want to do is drink beer and watch football with their buddies.  Pop culture trains you to look
for these flaws in  your own partner, and when you find them, your worst fears are validated." 14.
"In many ways, women treat their partners like their pets, punishing them for bad behavior and rewarding them
for good behavior." 48. Twenty Myths, Dr. Jenn Berman.

"Certainly one of the most powerful stories that many people
wish to live by is the victim narrative." Mistakes Were Made 93.

"Feeling like a victim of injustice in one situation does not make
us more sympathetic to victims.  It's as if there is a brick wall
between those two sets of experiences, blocking our ability to see
the other side." Mistakes Were Made 192.
"Perpetrators are motivated to reduce their moral culpability; victims are
motivated to maximize their moral blamelessness...the two antagonists misperceive
and misunderstand each other's actions." Mistakes Were Made 193.

"Instead of encouraging women to be strong in society, the modern progressive knee-jerk response is to blame
everyone else." Alex B. Berezon, Hank Campbell, Science Left Behind, (NY:  Public Affairs, 2012)233.
VICTIM THINKING:Alex B. Berezon, Hank Campbell, Science Left Behind
"Emotional Vampire 2: The Victim (Dependent Personality)
These vampires grate on you with a poor-me attitude and are allergic
to taking responsibility for their actions.  People are always against them,
the reason for their unhappiness.  They portray themselves as unfortunates
who demand rescuing, and they will make you into their therapy." Judith Orloff, Emotional Freedom: 
Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life,
(NY: Three Rivers Press, 2009) 128- 129.
"Instead of growing from adversity, the golden rule of emotional freedom,
they (victims) feel at the mercy of it.  These vampires are constantly jonesing
for a validation fix, ever in search of a consoling daddy or mommy. With a nursing
infant's blind zeal, they lunge for any nipple they can find (a man's or woman's) and
will suck as long as you permit." Judith Orloff, Emotional Freedom:  Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life,
(NY: Three Rivers Press, 2009) 129.
"The way I snap out of victim mentality is by remembering how blessed my life is compared
with much of our global family.  I'm not fighting to survive genocide, poverty, or
daily street violence from an insurgent militia.  I have the luxury to feel lonely
when I'm without a romantic partner or to get irked by some emotional vampire.  I have the
gift of time to surmount negative emotions.  Seeing things this way stops me from wallowing,
and imprisoning indulgence." Judith Orloff, Emotional Freedom:  Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life,
(NY: Three Rivers Press, 2009) 131.
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IRRATIONAL THINKING:
 
MissLed women too often don't comprehend that, as human beings, they are not, by nature, rational
animals. In order to thrive in the modern dynamic society, however, effective habits
of rational thinking must be learned and practiced. Wisdom and logic must also
be valued and pursued.  Unfortunately, many MissLed women refuse to govern their lives by reason.
They persist in  blindly trusting their emotions and intuition. Often, they are "supported"
in their irrational thinking by "friends."  These influential, irrational peers convey
and reinforce their irrational thoughts. With their strong desire for social acceptance, MissLed
women are especially prone to peer reinforcement of irrational thinking.
MissLed women's irrationality is demonstrated by their thinking, speaking or acting without the
proportionate mental coherence. Such Irrationality places MissLed women among wrong type of "In" crowd...
It leads them away from reason and to: 
Inane communications (lack of sense, significance, or ideas; silliness).                                                

Ineffective Argumentation +
Infantile Behaviors+  
Inexplicable Beliefs +
Insufficient Critical Thinking +
Inundated with BS = Invalidity

Examples of irrational behaviors of MissLed women include:
Taking offense or becoming angry about a situation that has not yet occurred.
Maintaining unrealistic expectations.
Engaging in irresponsible conduct such as financial irresponsibility or public intoxication.
Falling prey to unproven quackery or superstition, or even unethical marketing tactics.
Readily accepting of supernatural, paranormal, or pseudoscientific phenomena, or 
emotion-based beliefs and explanations.
Today's increasingly harried pace of work and life in society serves to further
compound the challenges many MissLed women's have with rational thinking. They perceive
that they lack sufficient time to calmly reflect and properly ponder their decisions. This
time pressure impacts their critical thinking, decision-making, and
problem-solving abilities:
"...all skills required in the frontal cortex, the executive portion of the brain.  These
skills hinge on reflection, inner intellectual processes that include
evaluating the relevance and validity of information, probing for more
information where needed, analyzing and marshaling evidence, developing
hypotheses, making reasoned judgments, assessing ambiguity, constructing
arguments to persuade others (and ourselves), formulating inferences, calculating
likelihoods, envisioning alternative strategies, generating new ideas.  These
are absolutely essential for analyzing problems and identifying solutions." Hara
Estroff Marano, A Nation of Wimps, (NY: Broadway Books, 2008) 165.
For MissLed women, such habits are not inculcated as girls.  Nor as they ingrained as they
mature into young women. As a result, neither reflection, nor contemplation - both of which
are critical habits for the development of their minds - is prioritized:
"Reflection is not promoted, or even valued, in their goal-directed, achievement-oriented
young lives." Hara Estroff Marano, A Nation of Wimps, (NY: Broadway Books, 2008) 166.

"Contemplation...demands and builds the ability to regulate one's emotions so as to
not get sidetracked by them - the ability to tolerate internal states." Hara Estroff Marano,
A Nation of Wimps, (NY: Broadway Books, 2008) 166.

IRRATIONAL INFERENCES are one of the most damaging results from irrational thinking.
Inferences that are irrational often occur when MissLed women's follow
"distortions of reality."
Why are they so important to understand?  Because, for MissLed women, irrationality can prevent them from
fully thriving in their lives:
"The key to the good life is applying rationality to the most irrational sphere of life, emotion." Tom Butler Bowdon,
50 Psychology Classics, (NY:  MJF Books, 2007) 76.
Irrational Inferences include:
Black-and-white thinking:  When MissLed women misperceive things in extremes.  For them, there is
no middle ground. (This is also known as Polarized Thinking: Good vs bad, success vs failure,
right vs wrong, moral vs immoral).  Therein, they think of things in absolute terms.  Words that
typify black-and-white thinking include "always", "every", and "never."
"We are either a saint or the devil, excellent at what we do or incompetent.  All or nothing
thinking is a weak foundation for our sense of identity and makes us vulnerable to
every little criticsim." Tom Butler Bowdon, 50 Psychology Classics, (NY:  MJF Books, 2007) 276.
"Polarized thinking speaks to inaccurate absolutes - right or wrong, all
or nothing.  Relationships are either catastrophic or amenable, with
nothing in between...Polarized thinkers tend to think in terms of always
or never, disappointing or gratifying, and loving or hating." Lee Raffel,
I Hate Conflict,(NY:  McGraw-Hill, 2008) 164.
Filtering: Focusing exclusively on certain, usually negative or upsetting, aspects of something, while
ignoring the rest.  Often this includes being associated in negative (“I am so stupid!”).  It also
can include being dissociated in positive (“You have to be pretty smart to do my job”).
MissLed women who filter irrationally only see what is wrong with themselves or the world, while
ignoring any positives. For example, they selectively hear the one tiny negative thing while surrounded
by all the HUGE POSITIVE STUFF.
Over-generalization: Taking isolated cases and using them to make wide generalizations. MissLed women 
mistakenly believe that some event which has happened once or twice is happening all the time, or that
it will be a never-ending pattern: "I'll always be a failure", or "No-one will ever want to love me."
Mind-reading: MissLed women who make presumptions or guesses (often highly inaccurate)
bout what other people are thinking. For example, "She ignored me on purpose," or
"He's mad at me."
Fortune-telling: MissLed women who have beliefs about the future that includes a fixed destiny.
These are biased (often pessimistic) expectations or predictions.  For example,
"I'll be depressed forever," or "Things can only get worse."
Emotional reasoning: (Discussed earlier in "COMMON THINKING ERRORS"). Their reasoning is
skewed toward irrationality because it is clouded by their emotions. 
Labeling and Mislabeling - Related to overgeneralization, it is MissLed women's method of
irrationally explaining by naming. Rather than describing the specific behavior, they assign a label to
someone or themselves. The label is in both absolute and unalterable, negative terms. They make
a faulty logical leap from behavior/action (“he called me a name…”) to identity (“therefore, he’s a jerk”).
Disqualifying the Positive:  Continually “shooting down” positive experiences for arbitrary, ad hoc reasons.
MissLed women who are disqualifying the positive can't discuss a subject rationally because they
are using a double standard. Negative evidence, no matter how weak or irrelevant, counts.
Positive evidence, no matter how strong or persuasive, can be explained away.
Personalization and Blame - This is known as “the mother of guilt.” For MissLed women, personalization occurs
when they hold themselves personally responsible for an event that isn’t entirely under their control.
This leads to unnecessary guilt, shame, and feelings of inadequacy. Blame, on the other hand,
is the flip side of personalization. Some MissLed women irrationally blame others or their circumstances for
their problems. Indeed, blamers overlook ways that
they might be contributing to the problem: “The reason my marriage is so lousy is because my spouse is totally
unreasonable.” Instead of taking responsibility on themselves, MissLed women
shift it to somebody else. Behind this cognitive distortion lies the assumption that
if anything goes wrong, it must be somebody's fault. There are no mistakes, only crimes against
MissLed women.  For them, the "criminals" must be found and punished.

Some current societal factors that help explain why so many MissLed women fall
prey to irrational thinking - particularly irrational inferences - include:
 
Increasing emotional or physical stress
The rapid introduction of new or unique situations (constant, rapid change)
Mainstreaming of Intoxication (binge drinking and the rising acceptance of public
drunkenness of women)

WHY DOES IT MATTER?
Not being rational leads MissLed women to perceive reality distortedly. (They badly misinterpret
what is actually happening).
It results in illogical habits of evaluating themselves, others, and the world around them.
Irrational thinking creates extreme emotions that often persist, and which can distress and
immobilise MissLed women. Too often, irrational inferences lead to them being unrealistic and illogical.
It can even lead to behaviours that harm themselves, others, and their life in general.
Egocentric thinking is automatic - it must be consciously struggled against to be overcome.  It takes special effort to see
the world from any perspective other than through our own eyes.  MissLed women are
unable, or unwilling, to put the focus and energy into overcoming egocentric thinking.

==================================================================================================================
EGOCENTRIC THINKING
A tendency to view everything in relationship to oneself; to confuse immediate perception (how things seem) with reality. One's
desires, values, and beliefs (seeming to be self-evidently correct or superior to those of others) are often uncritically
used as the norm of all judgment and experience. Egocentricity is one of the fundamental impediments to critical thinking.
As one learns to think critically in a strong sense, one learns to become more rational, and less egocentric.
The Human Mind Is Naturally Prone to the Following Egocentric Tendencies:
Egocentric memory ("forget" evidence and information which does not support our thinking and to
"remember" evidence and information which does)
Egocentric myopia (think in an absolutist way within an overly narrow point of view)
Egocentric infallibility (think that our beliefs are true because we believe them)
Egocentric righteousness (feel superior in the light of our confidence that we are in the possession
of THE TRUTH)
Egocentric hypocrisy (ignore flagrant inconsistencies between what we profess to believe and the actual
beliefs our behavior imply, or inconsistencies between the standards to which we hold ourselves and those to which we expect others to adhere)
Egocentric oversimplification (ignore real and important complexities in the world in favor of simplistic
notions when consideration of those complexities would require us to modify our beliefs or values)
Egocentric blindness (not to notice facts or evidence which contradict our favored beliefs or values)
Egocentric immediacy (over-generalize immediate feelings and experiences--so that when one event in our life
is highly favorable or unfavorable, all of life seems favorable or unfavorable as well)
Egocentric absurdity (fail to notice thinking which has "absurd" consequences, when noticing them would
force us to rethink our position)
When MissLed women are ruled by their egocentric tendencies, they see the world from a narrow self-serving perspective. They are not truly concerned with
how their behavior affects others. Instead, too much of their focus is on getting what they want or with validating their beliefs and views.
While humans have a capacity for egocentrism (being trapped in self-delusion, myth, and illusion), they also have a significant capacity for
reasonability (freeing itself from self-delusion, myth, and illusion).  Too often, MissLed women are lacking in reasonability and
near full-capacity in egocentricism.  None of the feelings typically associated with egocentricism are benevolent:
"Feelings That Accompany Egocentrism...Defensiveness, Irritability, Anger, Arrogance, Apathy, Alienation, Depression, Resentment,
Indifference." Miniature Guide, 15.
A final problem with Egocentric thinking is that it leads to Egotism Jealousy.  It stems from MissLed women's search for identity
and worth - an inappropriately acute desire for constant esteem and respect from others. If the MissLed women who feel this
emotion do not satisfy this desire, they often will feel frustrated, socially weak, and inferior.
MissLed women who think egocentrically fail to differentiate between what others are thinking
about and their own mental preoccupations.  They wrongly assume that others are obsessed with their behavior and appearance as they
are themselves. They cannot clearly identify another person's perception.
Their closed mindedness to the thoughts and ideas of others. This damages their critical thinking abilities.
"Egocentric tendencies function automatically and unconsciously. Rational tendencies arise only from active self-development
and are largely conscious." Richard Paul & Linda Elder, The Miniature Guide to Taking Charge of The Human Mind, (Sonoma, CA: 
Foundation for Critical Thinking, 2007) 14.
======================================================================================
"So what is rationality?  Often the term is used in a purely egocentric, evaluative
sense: "Decisions I make are "rational'; those of which I disapprove are not." Reid Hastie, Robyn M. Dawes,
Rational Choice in an Uncertain World: The Psychology of Judgment and Decision Making, 16.
- In relationships, thinking of self - without taking the needs of the other into proper consideration -
breeds hurt feelings and resentments.  Positions become polarized, frozen in egocentric perspectives, often
concluding the other is wrong.
Alan Cromer, Uncommon Sense: The Heretical Nature of Science, (Oxford:  Oxford U. Press, 1993)
Poor Comm: It is difficult for them to see another person's perspective on an issue
and to have understanding of a person's standpoint. Egocentrics only understand their
own point of view.
Egocentrics develop a superiority complex in order for others to accept them. Egocentrics
exaggerate their own abilities and achievements in order to gain recognition. In turn,
egocentrics will also mock others, making fun of their lack of abilities in order to be
perceived as more talented than others.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
WISHFUL THINKING

Wishful thinking results from the formation of beliefs and decisions according to what
might be pleasing for MissLed women to hope - or imagine - to be true.  They think
this way instead of relying on evidence, rationality or, most daunting for them,
facing (an often unpleasant) reality.

Tellingly, MissLed women often overuse the words SHOULD, FAIR, OUGHT, WISH, and HOPE.
These are indicative of their propensity for wishful thinking. Such word usage is consistent
with their preference for a fantasy land of escapism. Psychologically, their wishful thinking
stems from believing something because of their desire or wish that it be true.
Not surprisingly, given the  popularity of positive
thinking today, Optimism bias is a prominent type of wishful thinking
among MissLed women. It is shown by their tendency to be overly optimistic
about the outcome of planned actions.
MissLed wishful thinkers (regardless of circumstances) tend to consistently predict positive
outcomes. However, any positive outcomes credited to their wishful thinking are usually a short-term mirage.
This brief period is known as the “dream stage.” This make-believe can never be
reconciled with the actual situation.  Soon enough, however, reality sets in, and a “frustration stage”
follows. Things then start to go wrong, prompting a more determined effort to keep the fantasy
in being. As the truth becomes no longer avoidable, they proceed to their “nightmare stage,” when everything
goes wrong.  This culminates in an “explosion into reality,” when their fantasy
finally falls apart. The degree of damage done by this explosion varies, but is often
quite significant.

MissLed women's who suffer from these thinking faults are also often vulnerable to CIRCUMSTANTIAL
THINKING.  This results in them not seeing their motives for engaging in
behaviors, their internal decision-making processes, and the consequences of their
choices in their proper contexts.  It is one of the thinking errors most responsible for
the development of their immature, irresponsible overall attitude. Due to this, they
misperceive that their circumstances in life “just happen.”  When other women or men
of good character manage to earn some good fortune, they often enviously attribute
that to “blind luck.”  In truth, MissLed women who use circumstantial thinking most often
fail due to their own lack of preparation, or insufficient character development. It is
most often NOT because
of fate, luck or "destiny." MissLed women who are circumstantial thinkers who have a problem or
failure misdescribe it as "It just happened," or  “It was just one of those things.”
In addition, they tend to also often blame the supposedly corrupt "system", or put the fault
on the alleged ill-motives of others.
Magical thinking is the extreme, often most damaging, type of wishful thinking>
"In Psychology, 'magical thinking' refers to the nonscientific reasoning an individual relies on
to "wish" situations into being or to practice denial when faced with unpleasant scenarios."
Bonnie Eaker Weil, Financial Infidelity, (NY:  Penguin Group, 2008) 58.
"“Magical thinking” (as it has been called) is defined as the belief that an object, action or
circumstance not logically related to a course of events can influence its outcome. In other words,
stepping on a crack cannot, given what we know about the principles of causal relations, have any
direct effect on the probability of your mother breaking her back. Those who live in fear of such a
tragedy are engaging in magical thought and behaving irrationally." Why "Magical Thinking" Works for Some People
By Piercarlo Valdesolo, October 19, 2010, http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=superstitions-can-make-you&page=2

1. Objects carry essences. What’s your memorabilia collection like these days? According to this
first rule, we attribute special properties to items that belong or once belonged to someone we love,
is famous, or has a particular quality we admire...The fact of the matter is that the objects are just
those, objects, and despite their connection with special people in our lives, they have no inherent
ability to transmit those people’s powers to us.
2. Symbols have power. Humans have a remarkable tendency to impute meaning not only to objects but to
abstract entities. We imbue these symbols with the ability to affect actual events in our lives.
3. Actions have distant consequences. In our constant search to control the outcomes of events in our
seemingly unpredictable lives, we build up our own personal library of favorite superstitious rituals or thoughts.
4. The mind knows no bounds...Another manifestation of this rule is our tendency to believe that if we
think positive thoughts about a person in trouble, our thoughts can truly help that person, even if that
person is thousands of miles physically removed from us.
5. The soul lives on... It’s our desire to avoid thinking about our own mortality that leads us...
to invent and hold onto a belief in the afterlife.
6. The world is alive...we share the young child’s belief in animism, which is one key feature of preoperational thought.
In other words, we attribute human-like qualities to everything from our pets to our iPhones.
7.  Everything happens for a reason. The most insidious form of magical thinking is our tendency to believe that
there is a purpose or destiny that guides what happens to us.
"Our Superstitious Minds: The 7 Laws of Magical Thinking, by Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D.
Published on May 8, 2012
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201205/our-superstitious-minds-the-7-laws-magical-thinking

"We look for patterns because we hate surprises and because we love being in control."

"Wishing is probably the most ubiquitous kind of magical spell around, the
unreasonable expectation that your thoughts have force and energy to act on
the world."
"Belief in a just world puts our minds at ease.  Even if things are out
of control, they happen for a reason."
Indeed, MissLed women who engage in magical thinking seek only to confirm what they hope to be
true. They do this instead of the more effective method - to test their hope versus the known
facts and be sure they aren't thinking with a bias.

"Magical Thinking: Even hard-core skeptics can't help but find sympathy in the fabric of the universe
- and occasionally try to pull its strings."
By Matthew Hutson, published on March 01, 2008
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200802/magical-thinking
Indeed, the just world hypothesis is common, especially among Americans:

"You want the world to be fair, so you pretend it is." David McRaney, You are Not So Smart, (NY:  Gotham Books, 2012) 109.
"People tend to believe that the world is inherently just.  The wicked are eventually punished, the good
are rewarded, and problems are corrected. In other words, they believe that people get what they deserve." Fool Me Twice 282.
Magical thinking is the practice of associating a particular
action with a desired result,  even though there is no logical connection between
the two. MissLed women are often fooled by magical thinking because they allow their all-too-
human, hardwired processes of attention and awareness to be manipulated.  In fact, most
MissLed women's superstitious beliefs are readily explainable by the principles of magical
thinking. In an increasingly confusing and impersonal world, they sometimes misguidedly
look for patterns and meaning, seeking to allay their anxieties and feel in control.
Any relief offered by magical thinking, however, is merely temporary, through
the placebo effect.
Why Does It Matter?
Wishful thinking is not merely harmless frivolity, coming from a well-intended MissLed woman.
In fact, when their hopes inevitably are dashed, the results are unnecessary
disappointments, disillusions, and even to despair.  Such a widespread mindset contributes
significantly to the current state of affairs of the USA:
"Extremes in thinking and a vacuum in the middle where fact and reason used to dwell lately
characterize the national state of mind...Wishful thinking is another symptom of our impaired consensus."
James Howard Kunstler, Too Much Magic:  Wishful Thinking, Technology and the Fate of the Nation, (NY: 
Grove/Atlantic, 2012) 2-3.

WHY DOES IT MATTER?
Disneyfied thinking (that life is magical) in MissLed women leads to poor decision making and
unrealistic expectations.  Dignified Thinking (I'll create a wonderful life), on the other hand,
is the habit of non-MissLed women.  Most often, the former struggles and only strives, whereas the
latter prospers and thrives
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GROUP THINKING/CONFORMIST THINKING:
Too often, MissLed women are too prone to groupthink.  Similarly, they tend to
conform their thinking to only that which is approved by their friends or family members. As a result of
both, they are too satisfied with the status quo.  They also miss the opportunity to be
most valuable assets to society:

“Humanity’s most valuable assets have been the non-conformists. Were it not for
the non-conformists, he who refuses to be satisfied to go along with the continuance
of things as they are, and insists upon attempting to find new ways of bettering things,
the world would have known little progress, indeed.” – John Kenneth Galbraith
What is Groupthink?   It is the
". . .deterioration of mental efficiency, reality testing, and moral judgment that results
from in-group pressures."  9.
It happens when the desire for harmony in a decision-making group overrides a realistic
appraisal of alternatives. At times, it has been proven to be quite dangerous, even deadly. 
Formerly, groupthink was mainly the failing of men in power and leadership positions. Now,
given their ascension in business and government into leadership,
MissLed women have recently succumbed to this habit. Indeed, often more so than men, they tend to
lack the confidence to stand up to their group and risk being ridiculed, excluded, or dismissed.
Too often, they'll go along with a questionable decision or
concept due to fear of losing their place in the group and being left behind. Their
striving for unanimity overrides any motivation for them to realistically appraise
alternative courses of action. Being the one to dissent is not an option for them.  What is lost
when MissLed women join in groupthink? Individual initiative, creativity, uniqueness, and independent thinking.  Indeed,
when engaged in, and enveloped by, groupthink, they begin to think of the group's thoughts
and ideas as their own.  Within the group, they have no ability to think for themselves.
Whether with men, women, or MissLed women, Group Thinking occurs in three Types:
"Type I: Overestimations of the group — its power and morality
 1. Illusions of invulnerability creating excessive optimism and encouraging risk taking.
 2. Unquestioned belief in the morality of the group, causing members to ignore the consequences of their actions.

Type II: Closed-mindedness
 1. Rationalizing warnings that might challenge the group's assumptions.
 2. Irrationally stereotyping those who are opposed to the group as weak, evil, biased,
    spiteful, impotent, or stupid.
Type III: Pressures toward uniformity
 1. Self-censorship of ideas that deviate from the apparent group consensus.
 2. Illusions of unanimity among group members, silence is viewed as agreement.
 3. Direct pressure to conform placed on any member who questions the group, couched in terms of "disloyalty"
 4. Mind guards — self-appointed members who shield the group from dissenting information."
Irving L. Janis, Groupthink: Psychological Studies of Policy Decisions
and Fiascoes (Boston:  Houghton-Mifflin, 1982) 174-175.
There are four damaging results from group think. Firstly, groupthink can often lead to irrational
thinking, choices, and decisions:
"More than fifty years of research suggests that irrational thinking occurs when people
try to reach decisions in groups, and this can lead to a polarization of opinions
and a highly biased assessment of a situation." Richard Wiseman, 59 Seconds:  Think a Little, Change a Lot,
(NY:  Alfred A. Knopf, 2009) 212.

Secondly, group think can lead to extreme or suboptimal decisions:
"In short, being in a group exaggerates people's opinions, causing them to make a more
extreme decision than they would on their own...the final decision can be extremely risky
or extremely conservative." Richard Wiseman, 59 Seconds:  Think a Little, Change a Lot,
(NY:  Alfred A. Knopf, 2009) 212.
Thirdly, groupthink tends to lead to the members becoming dogmatic and in the habit of
stereotyping others:
"Polarization is not the only phenomenon of 'groupthink'...groups tend to be
more dogmatic, better able to justify irrational actions, more likely to see their
actions as highly moral and more apt to form stereotypical views of outsiders." 213-214.
Richard Wiseman, 59 Seconds:  Think a Little, Change a Lot,
(NY:  Alfred A. Knopf, 2009) 213-214.
Finally, groupthink results in dangerous levels of conformity:
"In short, groups will tend to reinforce their own views and reject the words of those who
disagree. In this case, members of the group become "conformist to some conformity."
Irving L. Janis, Groupthink: Psychological Studies of Policy Decisions
and Fiascoes (Boston:  Houghton-Mifflin, 1982) 5.

In stark contrast, conformist thinking misguides MissLed women to be too influenced by their family and peers.
Simply put, their thinking is too malleable - their mind is like a sheep moving
with the herd.  This leads them to conformist behaviors, such as uncritically following certain
fads or trends, and purchasing "hot" or "cool" items. Quite often, they do so in order to avoid
a backlash from their peers:
"Women who live outside the norm of feminine stereotypes or who exhibit
personal qualities of being active, independent, and logical may experience
a backlash by other women.  Unfortunately, these binds leave very little room
for a woman to live authentically and express her genuine thoughts and
feelings." Dr. Erika Holiday, Dr. Joan Rosenberg, Mean Girls, Meaner Women: Understanding Why Women
Hurt and Betray Each Other, (NY:  Orchid Press, 2009) 89.
Conformist thinking tends to limit MissLed women's potential to mere mediocrity. All too-commonly,
they follow the herd in their language, fashion, music, or other entertainments such as
movies or television. Their actions are mere results of conformist thinking.  Their misperception of being
limited by peer
pressure misguides them to feel them must act in accordance to what the group approves.  Being
frozen in conformity conveniently lets them avoid being ostracized from the group.
"Come on — everybody's doing it." That whispered message, half invitation, half goad, is what most of us think
when we hear the words PEER PRESSURE.  It usually leads to no good - drinking, drugs, casual sex."
"Herd Mentality" 
By Annie Murphy Paul Apr. 09, 2011
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2061234,00.html#ixzz1zFP2hktz
Being too sensitive to others opinions of them leads them too vulnerable to uniformity. They
tend to conform in their thinking - and hence their behavior -  in order to keep a state of
peace.  Missled women tend to conform closely to the unwritten rules, social norms, values,
beliefs, traditions, of any groups they are part of.
In fairness, thinking in conformity with others certainly has its place.  In large part, women tend to conform to give
the useful impression of agreeableness. This helps them both to bond with other women and,
perhaps even more importantly, to impress men (for mating purposes). 

Why Does it Matter?
Benefits aside, ultimately, conformist or thinking is self-limiting.  They are often left as mere weather vanes -
who near-slavishly bend t fickle winds of opinion and actions of their group. Not only do they only limit openness
and creativity but groupthink and conformist thinking blind MissLed women's minds from thinking critically. They shrink from responsibility
when they embrace collective thinking. What's lost, in the end,
for them, is the truth - about themselves,  and their world.
=====================================================================================================
GROUPTHINK:
CONFORMITY BRING POSITIVE EMOTIONS:
- Acceptance, Connection, Belonging, Comfort, Familial
- Group's peer pressure and expectations of behavior
“When everyone thinks alike, no one thinks very much.”
1. The group think mentality is present every day from many sources. Radio, television, news papers, magazines
and the Internet all reflect the current so called norm of thinking.
Too many times opinions are stated as fact by self-proclaimed experts. They cater to the most uninformed.
Unfortunately, many people don’t question what they hear, nor do they question the source of information before repeating it as gospel.
2. The problems of the world are complex. For the non-critical thinker the world is a much simpler place to live.
3. The drive for acceptance from others is a strong motivating factor. Thinking outside the group can be uncomfortable
Adults engaged in GROUPTHINK have participated in some of history's most heinous acts.
GROUP:
"evils draw men together" - Aristotle
"The danger is not simply that the presence of like-minded others can reinforce one's own sense
of rectitude and virtuousness far beyond prudence.  The mere presence of others is energizing in a
way that can prompt rash action or even mob behavior. Groups also provide a measure of anonymity; they
make it easier to entertain the belief that, when plans go awry, someone else can be blamed."
Paul A Kowert, Groupthink or Deadlock: When Do Leaders Learn from Their Advisors?, (Albany: State U. Press, 2002) 2.
- tend to extremism after reinforcement from speaking together often (even cults)
-suppress or discredit views/info outside group
1.Illusion of invulnerability –Creates excessive optimism that encourages taking extreme risks.
2.Collective rationalization – Members discount warnings and do not reconsider their assumptions.
3.Belief in inherent morality – Members believe in the rightness of their cause and therefore ignore the ethical or moral consequences of their decisions.
4.Stereotyped views of out-groups – Negative views of “enemy” make effective responses to conflict seem unnecessary.
5.Direct pressure on dissenters – Members are under pressure not to express arguments against any of the group’s views.
6.Self-censorship – Doubts and deviations from the perceived group consensus are not expressed.
7.Illusion of unanimity – The majority view and judgments are assumed to be unanimous.
8.Self-appointed ‘mindguards’ – Members protect the group and the leader from information that is problematic or contradictory to the group’s cohesiveness, view, and/or decisions.
When pressures for unanimity seem overwhelming, members are less motivated to realistically appraise the alternative
courses of action available to them.  These group pressures lead to carelessness and irrational thinking since
groups experiencing groupthink fail to consider all alternatives and seek to maintain unanimity.  Decisions
shaped by groupthink have low probability of achieving successful outcomes.
- possible "negative outcomes" of groupthink include:[4]
Examining few alternatives
Not being critical of each other's ideas
Not examining early alternatives
Not seeking expert opinion
Being highly selective in gathering information
Not having contingency plans
http://www.amazon.com/Groupthink-Deadlock-Advisors-Presidency-Contemporary/dp/0791452506/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1356068303&sr=1-1&keywords=Groupthink+or+deadlock
Paul A Kowert, Groupthink or Deadlock: When Do Leaders Learn from Their Advisors?, (Albany: State U. Press, 2002)